Uncle Fester quotes from The Addams Family

Morticia

Darling, are those men staring at us?

Gomez

Not us. At you. You're ravishing!

Morticia

Darling, please. It's early.

Gomez

Your watch is slow.

Uncle Fester

Hey, they're coming over. They got such funny looks in their eyes, they COULD be people from Mars.

Gomez

Nonsense. They're not little, they're not green, and they don't have things sticking out of their heads.

Uts sfoo dedidivuh PAH!

Uncle Fester

Itt's right. They could be disguised.

Morticia

Well, whoever they are, we must be neighborly. We don't want them thinking we Earth-people are snobs.

Morticia

I think he's trying to tell us something.

Gomez

What is it, Thing? Something we should know?

Is it smaller than a coffin?

Morticia

Larger than a tsetse fly?

Gomez

Is it the title of a song?

Morticia

Oh, this is fun. I mean, it WOULD be if Pugsley were here. Is it someone we know?

Uncle Fester

How many syllables?

Gomez

Two syllables. Ah, ha... Whom do we know with two syllables? First syllable. Sounds like.

Morticia

Fight?

Fighting.

Gomez

Fight-ER!

Morticia

Pugilist.

Gomez

Pug! Pug... Pug... Ahhh... It just doesn't seem to ring a bell.

Uncle Fester

Oh, not my suit of armor please, I need it to feel secure. Like Pugsley needs his wolf-head clock. That armor's the... only place I can find to hide in, to take my afternoon's nap.

Morticia

Uncle Fester, the whole family has given until it hurts.

Uncle Fester

Well, I like to hurt as much as anybody, but don't ask me to give my armor up. I have to wear it practically every day to scare off those neighborhood kids.

Morticia

They annoy you?

Uncle Fester

Oh not me, but... they keep waving sticks and throwing stones at my new pet falcon. And he's getting a nervous stomach.