Gomez Addams quotes from The Addams Family

Gomez

If you knew she was running away, why didn't you stop her?

Pugsley

You know women, once they've made up their minds...

Gomez

Well, I guess Wednesday is really gone.

Morticia

Someday, when she's slaving away in a tuna cannery, she may remember the life of ease she had in this lovely home.

Gomez

Ragged, penniless, her little fingers bleeding from the tuna cans, she may return and say she's sorry.

Morticia

And when that happens, we'll take her back. If we have room.

Wednesday

If they have room?

Gomez

Come, my dear. Let's go down and remove her pictures from the family album.

Morticia

Ah darling, you look so serene and happy when you're throwing knives.

Gomez

Family trait.

[explaining the reason for her surprise visit] It's Fred, my intended.

Morticia

He jilted you.

Well, I can't really say. He just took back his ring, sold his farm and joined the Foreign Legion.

Gomez

That is kind of indefinite.

Morticia

Mama is cooking up a real surprise.

Gomez

I am so hungry I could eat a wolf.

Morticia

Gomez, you guessed it!

Morticia

Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.

Gomez

Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner reports in the neighborhood.

Gomez

We must not indulge fear. I remember my Cousin Blob, deathly afraid of ghosts.

Morticia

Ghosts?

Gomez

Now he's one himself.

Morticia

Ah yes... I hear him on dark, stormy nights.

Gomez

Oh darling, those strange sounds from the attic aren't Cousin Blob.

Morticia

No?

Gomez

They're Grandma Squint. You can tell from her superb cackle.

Morticia

Ah yes... like music to my ears.

But what I need is the eye of a critic.

Gomez

A critic?

Yes, someone who'd give an unbiased opinion of my work.

Gomez

If you don't believe me, you could ask Uncle Fester.

Oh well, he's sweet, but he has an axe to grind.

Gomez

Well that's just for recreation.

Morticia

[Rocky is recovering after fainting] You had us frightened, young man.

Well, you got me a little frightened right now, but, eh, a couple of o' asperin and it's gonesville for you spooks.

Gomez

Spooks? [chuckles] Well now, there's no need for flattery.

Morticia

Thank you.

Morticia

Dear Mr. Hollister... We should send him something. I have it! Some of Mama's candied porcupine.

Gomez

Ah, the simple things are the best.

Gomez

I must tell him not to mix the plutonium with the uranium shipments. Otherwise, they'll never get here.

Uncle Fester

Boy, that'll really knock the coconuts off the trees.

Gomez

We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.

Morticia

Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.

Gomez

You rang?

I don't trust you Gomez, you've got shifty eyes! And no good butler wears a mustache!

Gomez

Sorry madam, I was born with it.

Where have you been off to, some dark corner with that hussy of a maid?

Gomez

[to Lurch] Sir, I appeal to you!

You don't appeal to him and you don't appeal to me! My son is just too sweet and gentle. People take advantage of him. You're sloppy and inefficient!

Gomez

Sir, please tell her...

Lurch

You're sloppy and inefficient!

Gomez

Since gambling bets aren't enforceable by law...

Uncle Fester

Never mind about that, I'd shoot him in the back!

Morticia

Wouldn't that be rather drastic?

Gomez

For betrayal of trust? Violation of professional ethics? Shooting him in the back would be too good for him.

Uncle Fester

No, I think it'd be about right...

Morticia

[to Fester] Would you like to take the vulture for a little stroll? She seems to take to humans.

Gomez

Her favorite food.