Hannibal Smith quotes from The A Team

Face

You don't have a plan, do you?

Hannibal

Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.

Murdock

No. No, I don't hear nothing.

Murdock

Are you sure?

Murdock

Well, I don't hear nothing but if you're positive that..."

B.A.

I'm warning you, I've had enough of you talking to your invisible friend.

Murdock

Does he look invisible? You can't see HIM?

B.A.

Invisible or not, I don't want you talking nothing to nobody. Got that?

Murdock

Well, I'm sorry but I'm not the one with the bad attitude. When someone talks to me I feel obliged to respond in kind.

B.A.

It's not a somebody! It's a horse! And horses don't talk!

Murdock

(sings) A horse is a horse, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course, unless of course (B.A. starts to strangle him) the horse, of course is the famous Mr. Ed.

Face

(on the radio) Murdock, any sign?

Face

(into the radio) B.A., take your hand off Murdock's throat.

Murdock

Yeah! (into the radio) Ed says ...

B.A.

(into the radio) Ain't no train coming!

Face

(to Hannibal) Who's Ed?

Hannibal

Guess?

Murdock

(into the radio) Train coming, muchachos. And I ain't tellin' you who told us.

Hannibal

Tomy Tillis? Crazy Tommy T?

Face

That's right. Crazy Tommy T. A guy like that that has mob connections out that wazoo, you know what I mean?

Hannibal

Yeah, but the question is, what's he got to do with Denham? And why put the pressure on Mickey to keep from putting his high-rise up?

Face

Whatever the reason, Hannibal. I don't think we wanna get in this guy's way. Crazy Tommy T hits a wall head on and there's nothing left but a pile of bricks.

Hannibal

Well, as soon as B.A. finishes paying off the crew, I'll take him and Murdock and I'll scout Denham. Now, you stick with Tillis. See what else you can find out.

Face

Stick with Tillis? Hannibal, I didn't plan on making a career out of this. You know, I'm in my Vette. Not exactly the most inconspicuous car to do a tail job in.

Hannibal

That'll work for you. He'd never think that anybody could be crazy enough to follow him with a car as flushy as that.

Face

You don't believe that?

Hannibal

No, but thought you'd feel better. Bye.

You don't know you are messing with.

Hannibal

Oh, yeah! I do. You're the king cockroach around here. Now, we can do this the hard way or the easy way. In about a minute, I and my three friends are gonna unleash on you your worst nightmare. You're gonna wish the earth opened up underneath your feet and swallowed you whole.

What's the easy way?

Hannibal

Oh, that was the easy way.

The Lung Chin is a Chinese tong. They control everything in Chinatown.

Hannibal

[puzzled] A tong? I thought tongs were social clubs these days.

[shaking his head] Not the Lung Chin. Uh, they came from China about a year ago and they are like the old tongs. If one defies them, they will not stop until they have extracted the full penalty.

(on bullhorn) It's over, Smith. You lost.

Hannibal

And I was having such a nice day.

Face

Don't worry, he'll give us a minute like he always does.

(on bullhorn) You have thirty seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.

Hannibal

Got to give the man credit. He's learning.

Hannibal

Are these the only guys in the van, Murdock?

Murdock

Yes, Sir. I checked for invisibles but they didn't have any with them.

Murdock

[sings in pain] I'm a lumberjack, I'm ok. I got no legs, but what the hey.

Hannibal

How are you doing, Murdock?

Murdock

I think there is a tree on my leg.

Hannibal

Face, there's been a change in plan, I'm staying here.

Face

What did you tell them?

Hannibal

What else, I've got a crazy boss.

Face

Oh great, and you're not gonna be there to give the performance. Who are we gonna use?

Hannibal

Well, I told them he was crazy.

Murdock

I am Crazy Willie. Beano. Beano, y'know, rhymes with Dino? What's the matter, you don't understand English? Dino, everybody loves some... (Sees Williams trying to reach for a gun in his waistband) What's the matter, you think I'm wearing a piece? (Pats his underarms) I'm clean! I'm running a business here, not a shooting gallery!

Alright, we're gonna make this nice and simple: we either get our truck back or we bury you underneath the store!

Murdock

Forgive me for not laughing, but I always find the baby's first step to be a very serious thing. Nobody comes in here and threatens me under my own roof. Especially when I'm eating a tuna-fish sandwich.

Smith said this guy was looney-tunes.

Murdock

Looney Tunes, huh? What other TV program do you watch regularly?

Alright, I don't know what your game is, but we want that truck back!

Murdock

Hmph. The only thing that Crazy Willie ever gives back, is trouble. You mess around with one of my boys, I rip off one of your trucks. Fair is fair! (Knocks on the counter)

B.A.

(Emerges from the back room with a rifle slung over his shoulder) Can I help you with anything?

Murdock

This here's a friend of mine, we call him Mayhem.

Alright, you want a war? We'll give you a war!

Murdock

(Takes out a deck of cards from his jacket) Alright, red and you're dead. Take one off the top! (Plummer takes a seven of spades) It's your lucky day! You don't even get to bleed on the carpeting. (Snatches the card back) Now you tell your friends I sell auto parts, and if they want some, they should come down here and see me. (Hands Plummer his plate and walks off) I'll provide the lunch.

Hannibal

You're sure it was one of Boyle's men?

Murdock

Absolutely. It was that guy, Lupis. He's about 6'3', built like a bathtub.

Face

You want me to pick up WHO?

Hannibal

Eh ... Lupis. He works for Boyle. We saw him yesterday.

Face

Oh, yes. It's the big one, about 6'4', built like a chest of drawers?

Murdock

Yeah, that's the guy, guy. And you be careful. He almost killed B.A. He's at least 6'5', 240.

Hannibal

Now, I'm gonna check out his office. You check his house. If the guy Lupis shows, bag him.

Face

Wait, the guy's 6'6', 250 pounds. He almost killed B.A., and you want ME to bag him?

Hannibal

Sure.

Face

(Drops his badge on the table next to the other two) Ah, sheriffs of Rivertown, I'm gonna miss this job.

Hey, if it weren't for you guys, there wouldn't even be a Rivertown.

There wouldn't be a Craig Monroe either.

So, if you ever come to Oklahoma, you should look us up. I'll fix you one of my special home-cooked meals. Just... do me a favor and promise not to make any fists?

Face

Yeah, well actually, fighting's not really my strong suit, I'm much more adapted to romantic endeavors. (They kiss)

Hannibal

If you don't wanna miss the plane, then you better get a move on.

Yeah. (Picks up the suitcases) You ready, sis?

Yeah.

Thanks again.

Hannibal

Good luck.

Murdock

Adios amigos. (The Monroes leave)

B.A.

Speaking of planes, Hannibal. (Rises, grabs a stick; Hannibal, Face and Murdock back into a jail cell)

Murdock

B.A., you're not mad just because we flew you down here, are you?

Face

Now wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy, not to hurt other deputies?

B.A.

I see three badges on the table, that mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail. (Locks the cell) I love it, when a plan comes together!

Face

But Hannibal, rules are made to be broken!

Hannibal

Noses are also made to be broken, right, Face?

Murdock

Just think: if we get a pardon, we may never have to eat a knuckle sandwich again!

BA

I wouldn’t bet on it crazy man. Looks like Hannibal’s on the jazz again!

Face

Oh no…

Murdock

[to Hannibal] No, you tell me right now, you tell me right to my face, you tell me that you don’t have a plan.

Hannibal

Well, I...I was thinking, like Bernie and George. What are we gonna do when this thing’s over? I mean, what are we really qualified to do?

Face

Go after thugs in the park…

Hannibal

And outlaw motorcycle gangs…organized crime figures… why, there’s a world of slime-balls out there!

Murdock

I knew it. I just knew you had a plan.

Hannibal

Comforting, isn’t it?

BA

I'll get the van.