B.A. Baracus quotes from The A Team

B.A. Baracus

We vote because I say we vote!

B.A. Baracus

We're comin' in, Jack! Now get the First Aid Kit, before you have to use it on yourself!!

B.A.

Shut up, Murdock! Shut up!

B.A. Baracus

You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time. Referring to Hannibal

Amy

That's the same thing he said about you.

B.A.

I ain't going on no aeroplane!

Hannibal

What's this?

...living on the jazz. Four restless romantics...

Hannibal

Restless romantics?

...the edge of society, which is the only place left they can survive...

Hannibal

What's this, the last reel of a Disney movie?

Amy

I wasn't going to tell you guys...but I decided to do a story on you!

B.A.

I ain't goin' on no aeroplane!

Hannibal

Forget it lady. It ain't gonna happen.

Amy

C'mon guys, I know, I know. What you guys are doing is really important. You saved Al. And you caught the terrorists. Everybody's against you. The government is after you. You gotta hide. I think that's a hell of a story!

B.A.

I said I ain't gettin' on no aeroplane Hannibal!

Amy

I won't publish it until you've cleared yourselves.

Hannibal

You won't publish it, period! You think we're looking to become Book of the Month Club Celebrities? You gotta be nuts, lady!

Murdock

I'm nuts. Let's keep that straight. Okay? I got my whole room and board resting on that fact.

Hannibal

He's right.

Amy

B.A. was telling me about 'The Jazz' - and I think I caught the fever!

Hannibal

So?

Amy

So...you let me in - or I write the book...and blow your cover!

B.A.

I said I ain't gettin' on no aeroplane Hannibal!

Amy

C'mon guys, I can help you with lots of stuff! I have the paper; I have influence; I have a computer at the paper for research stuff...and I have the 1st Amendment to hide behind.

Hannibal

We'll talk about it on the aeroplane.

B.A.

I told you I ain't goin' on no aeroplane!

Hannibal

Ah, c'mon B.A., be a sport!

B.A.

Gotcha! I told you you weren't gonna get me this time sucka, no sirree!

Hannibal

Now B.A., you know I wouldn't try to fool you.

B.A.

Don't put no dogpile shuffle on me Hannibal.

B.A.

I...I...

B.A.

We're offline Hannibal, all four mics are dead!

Hannibal

[from behind a newspaper] Looks like they found them.

Face

Great, that means we've lost the edge. Up against guys like these that, that doesn't make me feel too good.

B.A.

Shut up, Murdock! Shut up!... I told you this plan stinks!

Hannibal

Murdock, B.A., take the right. Face, stay with me.

Face

Uh, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A.

Murdock

Me too.

Hannibal

Are you guys saying you don't want to team up with me?

Yes!

Hannibal

Why?

B.A.

I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz man, you're dangerous!

Amy

[To B.A. after discovering her car is totaled] A couple of bolts and some new paint?

B.A.

[Indignant] Look, lady. I was with you, remember?

Murdock

No. No, I don't hear nothing.

Murdock

Are you sure?

Murdock

Well, I don't hear nothing but if you're positive that..."

B.A.

I'm warning you, I've had enough of you talking to your invisible friend.

Murdock

Does he look invisible? You can't see HIM?

B.A.

Invisible or not, I don't want you talking nothing to nobody. Got that?

Murdock

Well, I'm sorry but I'm not the one with the bad attitude. When someone talks to me I feel obliged to respond in kind.

B.A.

It's not a somebody! It's a horse! And horses don't talk!

Murdock

(sings) A horse is a horse, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course, unless of course (B.A. starts to strangle him) the horse, of course is the famous Mr. Ed.

Face

(on the radio) Murdock, any sign?

Face

(into the radio) B.A., take your hand off Murdock's throat.

Murdock

Yeah! (into the radio) Ed says ...

B.A.

(into the radio) Ain't no train coming!

Face

(to Hannibal) Who's Ed?

Hannibal

Guess?

Murdock

(into the radio) Train coming, muchachos. And I ain't tellin' you who told us.

Murdock

(sings) I'm an old cowhand From Rio Grande and I learned to ride before I learned to stand.

B.A.

You don't shut up I'll knock you off that horse!

Murdock

Hi, I'm Dr. Vern, veterinarian. And this (holds his hand up where is a sock) is my talking dog, Socki. Wuff!

B.A.

And this is my talkin' fist. Its name is Knock-Out. Do you wanna hear Knock-Out speak?

Murdock

No.

B.A.

Hey, man, he's taking my van!

Murdock

B.A., will you stop acting like a crybaby? ... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The little guy's in the van. They've got my plant! He's been plantnapped. Oh, they'll probably cut off a leave and send it to me to prove they've got him.

Hannibal

Face, there's been a change in plan, I'm staying here.

Face

What did you tell them?

Hannibal

What else, I've got a crazy boss.

Face

Oh great, and you're not gonna be there to give the performance. Who are we gonna use?

Hannibal

Well, I told them he was crazy.

Murdock

I am Crazy Willie. Beano. Beano, y'know, rhymes with Dino? What's the matter, you don't understand English? Dino, everybody loves some... (Sees Williams trying to reach for a gun in his waistband) What's the matter, you think I'm wearing a piece? (Pats his underarms) I'm clean! I'm running a business here, not a shooting gallery!

Alright, we're gonna make this nice and simple: we either get our truck back or we bury you underneath the store!

Murdock

Forgive me for not laughing, but I always find the baby's first step to be a very serious thing. Nobody comes in here and threatens me under my own roof. Especially when I'm eating a tuna-fish sandwich.

Smith said this guy was looney-tunes.

Murdock

Looney Tunes, huh? What other TV program do you watch regularly?

Alright, I don't know what your game is, but we want that truck back!

Murdock

Hmph. The only thing that Crazy Willie ever gives back, is trouble. You mess around with one of my boys, I rip off one of your trucks. Fair is fair! (Knocks on the counter)

B.A.

(Emerges from the back room with a rifle slung over his shoulder) Can I help you with anything?

Murdock

This here's a friend of mine, we call him Mayhem.

Alright, you want a war? We'll give you a war!

Murdock

(Takes out a deck of cards from his jacket) Alright, red and you're dead. Take one off the top! (Plummer takes a seven of spades) It's your lucky day! You don't even get to bleed on the carpeting. (Snatches the card back) Now you tell your friends I sell auto parts, and if they want some, they should come down here and see me. (Hands Plummer his plate and walks off) I'll provide the lunch.

Face

(Drops his badge on the table next to the other two) Ah, sheriffs of Rivertown, I'm gonna miss this job.

Hey, if it weren't for you guys, there wouldn't even be a Rivertown.

There wouldn't be a Craig Monroe either.

So, if you ever come to Oklahoma, you should look us up. I'll fix you one of my special home-cooked meals. Just... do me a favor and promise not to make any fists?

Face

Yeah, well actually, fighting's not really my strong suit, I'm much more adapted to romantic endeavors. (They kiss)

Hannibal

If you don't wanna miss the plane, then you better get a move on.

Yeah. (Picks up the suitcases) You ready, sis?

Yeah.

Thanks again.

Hannibal

Good luck.

Murdock

Adios amigos. (The Monroes leave)

B.A.

Speaking of planes, Hannibal. (Rises, grabs a stick; Hannibal, Face and Murdock back into a jail cell)

Murdock

B.A., you're not mad just because we flew you down here, are you?

Face

Now wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy, not to hurt other deputies?

B.A.

I see three badges on the table, that mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail. (Locks the cell) I love it, when a plan comes together!

Face

The bigger they are, The harder they fall.

B.A

The bigger they are, the harder they hit!