Thank God You're Here · Season 2
I wanted to go to the toilet, do you know what the waiter said? It's closed for the winter.
Well don't you know if you go when it's to cold it can damage your bits.
The health inspector is here what should I tell him?
Tell him not to pee because it's to cold.
Please state your names.
Sir Michael with the big sword.
Sir Guy of Sebastian.
Darren the Nitpicky, and it's an oval table not a round table, I'm a bit dissapointed.
Sir Lady Brian the Boy of Lady.
You are going to fight the enemy territory of...
Mulgrave.
What are you fighting for?
Ah... Brasher's record voucher.
Do you have anything that's low fat?
(Laughs.) You're jokin' aren't ya, um I mean yep yes we do, ahhh we have a straw.
We were watching television when we heard a screech of tyres and a bang!
Yeah, that was me!
Are you a learner driver?
[holding up an L-plate] Nah, I'm a legend!
[as Michelle, Bob's wife] I feel like we are drifting apart. There's no communication. He's always out with his mates or at home drinking in front of the television.
[As a marriage guidance counselor] How do you respond to that, Gary?
That's a problem, apparently. Make of that what you will.
How would you describe your love life?
I think it's terrific! It's a shame Michelle isn't involved in it.
[as a pharmaceutical doctor, asked to come up with a slogan] No more gas, it's a flact.
Thank God you're here, I was knocking for hours!
If you are a barbecue out there, I think it's very important to know that you will be caught at some stage.
I am Sister Andrea the Ever-So Chaste.
I am Sister Beyonce the Jiggy.
I am Sister 2 Sister, the Pop Group.
I'm Sister Bob...the gassy.
Can you give me one good reason why this city needs you?
[As "Flashman"] No, not one good reason but, three good reasons. [pause] Maybe just the one would be good though in this instance.
(hooter)
[As part of a "During the Week" segment about cooking]
Jerry, you must be very excited because you just opened your new restaurant.
[As a chef] I know and I'm a dentist!
Tell me one domestic cleaning duty you've done since you moved in here.
I emptied the trash on my Macintosh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Thank God You're Here pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
