Thank God You're Here · Season 1
Frank, how are you feeling?
I’m feeling…I’m feeling… I’m feeling…good! Not cocky, but just feeling, well actually you know what? I’m feeling like I’m a spider of entertainment. And that’s because I’m going to weave a web of comedy from stuff I just pull out of my bum. We’ll see. Fingers crossed.
Oh, I can’t wait. Get the Mortein!
These products are all good, as the slogan says...
If you can do it, you can!
(hooter)
Does yours hurt as much as mine?
A little bit.
It’s like agh! (Hits metal on chest.) Far out! They could make them out of mink! It wouldn’t be so good in the battles of course. But in this bit, (Hits metal on chest.) the mink would be better. In the battle, agh, agh! You’re dead!
Tell me, what news from the Eastern Front?
Oh, the barbarians are going off their nut! Hairy, hairy, hairy bastards.
Rome glorious Rome! We root like rabbits.
Rome glorious Rome! We have the trusted like habits!
But slightly different because it’s a little bit away from us.
Rome glorious Rome! We will one day rule the universe!
Rome glorious Rome! We will turn the barbarian’s scrotums into a purse!
This one was the dolphin pad, which we have clearly marked ‘H’, because dolphins, they’re high intelligence beings, have their own alphabet. They understand D as an H.
I am Pete. But my friends call me Tom.
Tom.
Okay.
No, you are not my friends yet!
Do any of you hold any qualifications for early childhood?
Oh, yes. I’m qualified to go through early childhood.
Now, of course we have to do a police check, ‘cause you will be working with children. Now, who...
Right. (Drops his giant toothbrush, and walks out of the room, disappearing out the back.)
Welcome to Australia’s number one children’s show...
Hey, That's My Hat.
And what's our special letter for today?
Today's letter is from Alfred Gurnes.
Goodbye to all our friends today, we’ve had so much fun and so much gay.
-ness of us, that is a lifestyle choice, so whether you’re a girl or whether you are boys, come again tomorrow won't you, I… crave?
I am the Amphibian Man. My code name is Get Me Out Of Here Immediately.
I am the Spotty Dick. And my code name is Chunder.
And you, fellow?
My name is Beaver. My code name is Beaver.
It’s our friend from the French resistance.
Hubba hubba!
(His microphone falls from his pocket.) My God, these haven’t been invented yet!
Before we start. Frank?
(Indicates bald head.) This is all I know, They’ve given me this. I’m not sure what that means. I dunno if I’m gonna be a baby or if I’m gonna be sort of um, “Whoa, the power and the passion!” (Dances crazily.)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Thank God You're Here pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
