Nobody tells jokes anymore do they? Karl, do you have any jokes?
I'm saying, Karl... it's a bit dry in here.
Um, uh, well, let me think, um... [stammering]
Oh, dry as fucking dust. Come on! Roast me! Hmm? Give me a drubbing! Frank, start. Be funny.
Uh, it's not really my thing, Chief.
Oh, so, what? You don't think I can take it?
No, it's just not my style. I mean, I can. Uh, the thing about Logan Roy is... T-- uh, the thing about Logan is he's a tough old nut. [laughs]
Oh, Christ. Sid fucking Caesar. Greggy.
You're mean. [clears throat] You're mean. You're a mean, old man. You're-- you're a mean, old bastard. Uh, and you scare the life out of folks. That's your thing. You're scaring me right now. And-- and that's why I don't even know how-- what to do.
Who wants to smell Greg's finger. Hey? Guess the scent, win a buck.
[Greg chuckles softly]
Where are your kids? Where's all your kids, Uncle Logan? On your big birthday?
Well, where's your old man, huh? Where's your old man? Still sucking cock at the county fair?
[Greg exhales sharply and smirks]
Gerri, been sent anything funny lately?
All a bit horrible for me. Thanks, Logan.
I'm not being horrible. I'm being fun. Fucking Munsters.
The good thing about having a family that doesn't love you is you learn to live without it.
What? Con-- Connor that's not--
You're all chasing after Dad, saying, [whimpers] "Love me, please love me. I need love. I need attention."
I think that's the opposite of what just happened.
You're needy love sponges. And I'm a plant that grows on rocks and lives off insects that die inside of me.
Jesus Christ, Con. [chuckles]
If Willa doesn't come back, that's fine. Because I don't need love. It's like a superpower. And if she comes back and doesn't love me, that's okay too, 'cause I don't need it. [silence] Thanks for the party.
SSylvia
Oh, Connor, it's all so lovely.
SSylvia
Oh, my God. Look at all the young people.
I heard a few of them moaning about the rich.
SSylvia
Yeah, well, they don't mind the taste of your champagne.
Mr. Scrooge just happened to be a huge wealth creator. They don't mention that in Mr. Dickens' books, do they?
SSylvia
No, they do not! Very convenient!
Hey, hey! That's my brother and sister.
Fucking cake nightmare! Okay.
[to wedding staff] Would you take care of that for me?
Come here. Come-- Come here.
It's just-- it's private. It's serious, come here.
[to wedding staff] Five, okay.
MWMale Wedding Staff Member
Yeah.
Is it Pop? Uh-- Is he okay?
What is it? Is he sick? What is it?
Dad's on an airplane to Sweden, but they're coming back. We think he died. They've-- Th... [softly] They think he's dead. [exhales shakily]
Well, uh, everyone says he is. I mean, we don't know. They're doing heart compressions.
Oh, man. He never even liked me.
Hey-- Sorry. You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't even know what I mean. He did. He did. I-I just-- I never got the chance to make him proud of me. He's dead.
[After Kerry just left the room after exhibiting a nervous breakdown]
I think she's freaking out, Tom.
Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium.
Here is the list of names. I think we divide up as soon as we get the-- Well, not the-- not the all clear but... once those 30 minutes are up--
Some of those it's-- it's small for-- Y'know, I think we should get Kerry to do them.
Oh, now you want Kerry to do it?
Chuckles the Clown? I think not.
I would just like to say...
...to this senior group of very respected greybeards that all I have ever personally asked is the chance to serve. I mean, I'm sick with grief.
Oh. You're sick with grief?
Well, you might wanna put down that fish taco. You're getting your melancholy everywhere.
Very funny, but... were the opportunity to arise, all I would say is that if there's a ring, my hat's in, respectfully.
Well, I would just say, um, if we were to recommend you to the board...
...the question they might ask, would-- [stammers] Can-- can-- Can I frame the question for you? But as a friend.
...be prepared. The negative case would go... [clicks tongue] ...you're a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead. And now, you're just married to the ex-boss' daughter. [chuckles] And she doesn't even like you. And you are fair and squarely fucked.
[pause, Tom looks around in astonishment]
Come here a second. I wanna talk to you about something. In my role as executor, I've, uh, had passed to me a rather worrying piece of paper.
[scoffs, chuckles, sighs]
As of now, as far as I know, just you and me.
So what are you thinking?
Well, I honestly didn't even wanna start thinking till you were here.
I mean... could it, might it, just... go away? I mean, it might get lost. I hope it doesn't. But what if... your hand goes a little wobbly and the draft takes it away and it gets flushed down a toilet by mistake. I'm kidding, of course.
No, sure, you're-- you're speculating in a comic mode.
Yeah. In a humorous vain.
We're not gonna let that little princess screw things up. Right, Frank? If Gerri's gonna block me, I want out. I want my fucking package. I am halfway in on a Greek island...
...with my brother-in-law.
...Ken, I just wanted to say, you know, I know there's a lot of water under the bridge, a lot of history. But as far as I am concerned, the-- the b-- big man passing cleaned the slate. So, yeah. I just-- yeah. I just wanna say that and you know, I wish, maybe, there's some things...
I could maybe take back, some words. And I'm sorry for your loss. But I want you to know that I'm-- that I'm here to serve. Right here.
I like you, Tom. Good luck.
Um. In case it comes out, we wanted you to be aware that you're on a piece of paper. Uh, a side letter left by Logan with... some wishes and disbursements.
Okay. Uh. Eh. Yeah. In-- in what, uh, capacity? In-- in what fashion?
You're in addendum of miscellaneous matters in pencil... with a question mark.
Dad may have said he wanted me to take over.
And so then, maybe the natural conclusion might perhaps be, I'd be his number two.
He-- he probably wrote it down so he can remember your name.
Hmm. We had a good rapport.
You had a good rapport? I feel like he already wanted to see less of you. That's probably, like, 50/50, fire Greg or kill Greg.
Mm. I think that it's not that kind of question mark. I think it's, uh, um, possibly-- It's a wonder.
It's a doodle. We just wanted you to be aware.
RPRon Petkus
Logan Roy was such a giant. He was a man of humility, grace, dignity.
[whispers] Who died fishing his iPhone from a clogged toilet.
RPRon Petkus
In public, he was a great communicator.
[Tom softly nods his head]
RPRon Petkus
A powerful man.
[whispers] So they say. Karl blocked it.
[whispers] The man lives on Wonder Bread and steak frites. He hadn't had a shit for 20 years.
