Gerri Kellman quotes from Succession

Fuck.

Gerri Kellman

Listen, Sandy Furness is here.

What do you mean?

Gerri Kellman

I mean he's here, in the building.

He can't do that. Fucking Pepsi doesn't just drop in to see Coke.

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You sure it was him?

You think a lot of people come in here and take a piss?

Gerri Kellman

Maybe someone spilled something.

Yeah, maybe the massive fucking ice sculpture I forgot about melted. It's urine.

This isn't a false flag, is it? Did you piss on your own floor?

Why are you looking like that? W-what if people knew? Gerri, you gotta talk to him.

Gerri Kellman

What do you want me to say?

Well, first tell him where to go pee pee and poo poo.

He came in, he was talking to Stewy. What's he gonna do next, start jizzing in my coffee? Take a dump on my iPad?

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And Roman, the safe place is the three R's, okay?

Yeah.

Regret. It happened a long time ago. Responsibility. Belongs to individuals and not corporations. Remedy. Super tough, super vague. The move is condemn and move on. Got it?

Yeah, got it.

Okay.

Gerri Kellman

Right, and if you need to smash glass in case of emergency, it's enough of that and back to the session: "Family Ownership & Corporate Continuity in the Digital Age."

Whatever the fuck that means.

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Does Sandy really have syphilis? What if he has sores all over his body? What if his groin's all eaten away and the top half of him just falls off?

Gerri Kellman

Syphilis... I think we started that rumor.

I don't know. Late-stage symptom is dementia, I believe.

Yeah, you've been doing some panicky late-night googling there, Karl?

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Nobody tells jokes anymore do they? Karl, do you have any jokes?

What's that?

I'm saying, Karl... it's a bit dry in here.

Oh.

Do you have any jokes?

Um, uh, well, let me think, um... [stammering]

Oh, dry as fucking dust. Come on! Roast me! Hmm? Give me a drubbing! Frank, start. Be funny.

Uh, it's not really my thing, Chief.

Oh, so, what? You don't think I can take it?

No, it's just not my style. I mean, I can. Uh, the thing about Logan Roy is... T-- uh, the thing about Logan is he's a tough old nut. [laughs]

Oh, Christ. Sid fucking Caesar. Greggy.

You're mean. [clears throat] You're mean. You're a mean, old man. You're-- you're a mean, old bastard. Uh, and you scare the life out of folks. That's your thing. You're scaring me right now. And-- and that's why I don't even know how-- what to do.

Who wants to smell Greg's finger. Hey? Guess the scent, win a buck.

[Greg chuckles softly]

Come on, roast me!

Where are your kids? Where's all your kids, Uncle Logan? On your big birthday?

Well, where's your old man, huh? Where's your old man? Still sucking cock at the county fair?

[Greg exhales sharply and smirks]

Gerri, been sent anything funny lately?

Gerri Kellman

All a bit horrible for me. Thanks, Logan.

I'm not being horrible. I'm being fun. Fucking Munsters.

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I would just like to say...

Yeah.

...to this senior group of very respected greybeards that all I have ever personally asked is the chance to serve. I mean, I'm sick with grief.

Gerri Kellman

Oh. You're sick with grief?

But I--

Gerri Kellman

Well, you might wanna put down that fish taco. You're getting your melancholy everywhere.

Very funny, but... were the opportunity to arise, all I would say is that if there's a ring, my hat's in, respectfully.

Well, I would just say, um, if we were to recommend you to the board...

Mm-hmm.

...the question they might ask, would-- [stammers] Can-- can-- Can I frame the question for you? But as a friend.

Sure.

Just so-- so you'd be...

Sure.

...be prepared. The negative case would go... [clicks tongue] ...you're a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead. And now, you're just married to the ex-boss' daughter. [chuckles] And she doesn't even like you. And you are fair and squarely fucked.

[pause, Tom looks around in astonishment]

Jesus, Karl.

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Hey, everyone.

Yes. Uh. Greg.

Hey, Greg.

Hey.

Um. In case it comes out, we wanted you to be aware that you're on a piece of paper. Uh, a side letter left by Logan with... some wishes and disbursements.

Okay. Uh. Eh. Yeah. In-- in what, uh, capacity? In-- in what fashion?

You're in addendum of miscellaneous matters in pencil... with a question mark.

Nevertheless.

Dad may have said he wanted me to take over.

And so then, maybe the natural conclusion might perhaps be, I'd be his number two.

[laughs] Nice try, kid.

He-- he probably wrote it down so he can remember your name.

Hmm. We had a good rapport.

You had a good rapport? I feel like he already wanted to see less of you. That's probably, like, 50/50, fire Greg or kill Greg.

Mm. I think that it's not that kind of question mark. I think it's, uh, um, possibly-- It's a wonder.

Gerri Kellman

It's a doodle. We just wanted you to be aware.

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Congrats, congrats, congrats.

[glasses clinking]

What-- what-- what's going on there?

Gerri Kellman

I don't know.

What is that?

Gerri Kellman

It's--

Is that-- is that the kill list? It is, isn't it?

Karolina Novotney

Wait!

Gerri Kellman

It's just, uh, Jess managed...

Yeah, yes, it is.

Gerri Kellman

...to get a hold of something. Um, uh, early draft. GoJo finance list of potential severance costs. It's highly provisional. It's-- it's caveated, subject to change. It would just be an interpretation.