Karl Muller quotes from Succession

Roman Roy

Does Sandy really have syphilis? What if he has sores all over his body? What if his groin's all eaten away and the top half of him just falls off?

Gerri Kellman

Syphilis... I think we started that rumor.

Karl Muller

I don't know. Late-stage symptom is dementia, I believe.

Roman Roy

Yeah, you've been doing some panicky late-night googling there, Karl?

Logan Roy

Nobody tells jokes anymore do they? Karl, do you have any jokes?

Karl Muller

What's that?

Logan Roy

I'm saying, Karl... it's a bit dry in here.

Karl Muller

Oh.

Logan Roy

Do you have any jokes?

Karl Muller

Um, uh, well, let me think, um... [stammering]

Logan Roy

Oh, dry as fucking dust. Come on! Roast me! Hmm? Give me a drubbing! Frank, start. Be funny.

Frank Vernon

Uh, it's not really my thing, Chief.

Logan Roy

Oh, so, what? You don't think I can take it?

Frank Vernon

No, it's just not my style. I mean, I can. Uh, the thing about Logan Roy is... T-- uh, the thing about Logan is he's a tough old nut. [laughs]

Logan Roy

Oh, Christ. Sid fucking Caesar. Greggy.

Greg Hirsch

You're mean. [clears throat] You're mean. You're a mean, old man. You're-- you're a mean, old bastard. Uh, and you scare the life out of folks. That's your thing. You're scaring me right now. And-- and that's why I don't even know how-- what to do.

Logan Roy

Who wants to smell Greg's finger. Hey? Guess the scent, win a buck.

Logan Roy

Come on, roast me!

Greg Hirsch

Where are your kids? Where's all your kids, Uncle Logan? On your big birthday?

Logan Roy

Well, where's your old man, huh? Where's your old man? Still sucking cock at the county fair?

Logan Roy

Gerri, been sent anything funny lately?

Gerri Kellman

All a bit horrible for me. Thanks, Logan.

Logan Roy

I'm not being horrible. I'm being fun. Fucking Munsters.

Tom Wambsgans

[softly] What the fuck?

Karolina Novotney

I think she's freaking out, Tom.

Karl Muller

Yeah.

Tom Wambsgans

Oh, yeah?

Karolina Novotney

Yeah.

Tom Wambsgans

Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium.

Karolina Novotney

Okay!

Tom Wambsgans

I mean...

Frank Vernon

Jesus!

Karolina Novotney

Here is the list of names. I think we divide up as soon as we get the-- Well, not the-- not the all clear but... once those 30 minutes are up--

Tom Wambsgans

Some of those it's-- it's small for-- Y'know, I think we should get Kerry to do them.

Karolina Novotney

Oh, now you want Kerry to do it?

Karl Muller

Chuckles the Clown? I think not.

Tom Wambsgans

I would just like to say...

Karl Muller

Yeah.

Tom Wambsgans

...to this senior group of very respected greybeards that all I have ever personally asked is the chance to serve. I mean, I'm sick with grief.

Gerri Kellman

Oh. You're sick with grief?

Tom Wambsgans

But I--

Gerri Kellman

Well, you might wanna put down that fish taco. You're getting your melancholy everywhere.

Tom Wambsgans

Very funny, but... were the opportunity to arise, all I would say is that if there's a ring, my hat's in, respectfully.

Karl Muller

Well, I would just say, um, if we were to recommend you to the board...

Tom Wambsgans

Mm-hmm.

Karl Muller

...the question they might ask, would-- [stammers] Can-- can-- Can I frame the question for you? But as a friend.

Tom Wambsgans

Sure.

Karl Muller

Just so-- so you'd be...

Tom Wambsgans

Sure.

Karl Muller

...be prepared. The negative case would go... [clicks tongue] ...you're a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead. And now, you're just married to the ex-boss' daughter. [chuckles] And she doesn't even like you. And you are fair and squarely fucked.

Tom Wambsgans

Jesus, Karl.

Frank Vernon

Karl, hey.

Karl Muller

Mm-hmm.

Frank Vernon

Come here a second. I wanna talk to you about something. In my role as executor, I've, uh, had passed to me a rather worrying piece of paper.

Karl Muller

Mm.

Frank Vernon

[deeply inhales]

Karl Muller

M'kay. And...

Frank Vernon

[scoffs, chuckles, sighs]

Karl Muller

Who else knows?

Frank Vernon

As of now, as far as I know, just you and me.

Karl Muller

So what are you thinking?

Frank Vernon

Well, I honestly didn't even wanna start thinking till you were here.

Karl Muller

I mean... could it, might it, just... go away? I mean, it might get lost. I hope it doesn't. But what if... your hand goes a little wobbly and the draft takes it away and it gets flushed down a toilet by mistake. I'm kidding, of course.

Frank Vernon

No, sure, you're-- you're speculating in a comic mode.

Karl Muller

Yeah. In a humorous vain.

Frank Vernon

Mm-hmm.

Karl Muller

We're not gonna let that little princess screw things up. Right, Frank? If Gerri's gonna block me, I want out. I want my fucking package. I am halfway in on a Greek island...

Frank Vernon

Mm.

Karl Muller

...with my brother-in-law.

Hugo Baker

Congrats, congrats, congrats.

Hugo Baker

What-- what-- what's going on there?

Gerri Kellman

I don't know.

Hugo Baker

What is that?

Gerri Kellman

It's--

Hugo Baker

Is that-- is that the kill list? It is, isn't it?

Karolina Novotney

Wait!

Gerri Kellman

It's just, uh, Jess managed...

Hugo Baker

Yeah, yes, it is.

Gerri Kellman

...to get a hold of something. Um, uh, early draft. GoJo finance list of potential severance costs. It's highly provisional. It's-- it's caveated, subject to change. It would just be an interpretation.

Hugo Baker

Well, come on, Gerri. Don't leave us hanging. Who's on it?

Okay, if you insist. In seemingly no particular order, um, just, uh, potentially surplus to requirements are... Ray.

God fuckin' damn it.

Gerri Kellman

Mark.

Shit.

Gerri Kellman

Hugo.

Hugo Baker

That slalom motherfucker!

Gerri Kellman

Frank.

Frank Vernon

Naturally. It's just speculation.

Gerri Kellman

Karl.

Karl Muller

Let the good times roll.

Hugo Baker

Wait, wait. What-- wh-- what about Karolina?

Gerri Kellman

Um...

Karolina Novotney

Okay.

Gerri Kellman

She's... not on the list, so retained.

Karolina Novotney

Retained, okay.

Frank Vernon

And you?

Hugo Baker

Congratulations.

Karolina Novotney

Thank you.

Gerri Kellman

Uh, also not on the list.

Karl Muller

Tom? What about Tom? Tom-- Tom must be on the list.

Gerri Kellman

Mm.

Karl Muller

Oh, my God.

Gerri Kellman

I don't see him.

Hugo Baker

Great fucking trip. Highly fucking productive. So much for being raised by wolves.

Kendall Roy

Hey, Karl.

Karl Muller

Yeah. Hi. Just-- Just to say good luck, huh?

Kendall Roy

Thanks, man.

Karl Muller

And, uh, just to get some visibility, if that's okay. I-- 'Cause I just heard that, uh, more tweaks have been made in my arena.

Kendall Roy

It's cool.

Karl Muller

Okay, well...

Kendall Roy

It is cool.

Karl Muller

...if I could just take a quick, quick peek.

Kendall Roy

Karl, man, it's not a good time.

Karl Muller

Oh, then if you could just talk me through it. Just-- No, just so I'm comfortable in my own mind that I got your back.

Kendall Roy

It is all good, Karl.

Karl Muller

What we--

Kendall Roy

Okay? It's all good.

Karl Muller

We really need--

Kendall Roy

Now is not a good time.

Karl Muller

Just a sec. Hang on, just--

Kendall Roy

It's not a good time, Karl.

Karl Muller

Oh, really? Well, listen to me. I took a lot of shit from your dad because we've been through the mill. But I've been the CFO of major public companies for over two decades, and I know a thing or two about a thing or two. And if you fuck up his deal, or you try to stand up numbers that I am not comfortable with, I swear to God--

Kendall Roy

Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Easy. Easy. CEO. CFO.

Karl Muller

What? You gonna fire your chief financial officer a week in? Your dad just gone? [laughs] You'd be fucking toast. You have my dick in your hand, Ken. But I've got yours in mine. So let's get real. If you say anything that I don't like up there or make me look foolish, I'll fucking squeal.

Karl Muller

Good luck. Good luck to you, buddy.

Frank Vernon

So, what are you thinking? Golden Parachute?

Karl Muller

Or one last rodeo?

Frank Vernon

Go on.

Karl Muller

What do you think?

Frank Vernon

I'm thinking we shoulda slit his throat in the cradle.

Karl Muller

Well, goes without saying.