This has nothing to do with you, Alan. We just need to talk about you someplace where you can't hear us.
S2 E2Behind Blank Eyes
[Principal Blackman leads the team in prayer before the big game.]
Dear Lord, thank you for giving this game your undivided attention. We'll try to be brief so you can return your energies to the movement of the stars and the condemnation of the Jews. Please hand us an easy victory. I'm not saying that if we lose we'll turn away. But do you really want to take that risk? And finally, just as you cured the blind, thank you for curing this team of the blind. Oh, and, uh, forgive me for that thing I did with the thing. Amen.
I hope you're all happy, keeping Alan off the team. Couldn't you, for once, open your minds and hearts and hear something that he couldn't see? I, for one, am glad that Alan is blind, so he can't see what, I am so sad to say, you can't hear.
S2 E3The Virgin Jerri
You must be about as worn out as a hooker on VJ Day.
Drake! Why did you spread those vicious lies?
DRDrake Rogers
'Cause you didn't spread those vicious thighs.
I've got something that boys want and they can't have it.
Really? How about girls?
What?
Nothing. Just testing the waters.
The ways of love are a mystery to me. The feeling of man’s pelvis pounding against your haunches as you lie bent over a beer-soaked pool table grasping for leverage. And the endless jackhammer action turns you into a quivering mound of oozing pleasure.
Are you thinking about having sex already?
Does a pimp carry a razor?
I don't know!
Trust me, they all do.
S2 E4The Goodbye Guy
Boy am I thirsty. I'm gonna go get a hot dog.
[to hot dog vendor] Drown it in salt, and don't skimp on the bacon bits. [pause] Today.
I don't mean to seem insensitive, but wasn't your father torn to shreds by wild dogs?
[on her father's death] Maybe I am in denial... unless of course, he's alive!
I do appreciate your lovely sentiments, Mr. Blackman, but I should tell you that Guy’s last wish was that "no darkies" attend his wake.
I was just pawing at your dead father a moment ago and it really helped.
You know, I think I saw him today. He was waiting for a bus and I screamed, "Daddy! Daddy! You're not dead!" But I think he had to go somewhere, because he ran away really fast.
CPCassie Pines
Naturally, as student counselor my first responsibility is to the teachers.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Strangers with Candy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.