A character in Starsky & Hutch
Played by Paul Michael Glaser
Starsky & Hutch · 49 quotes
Most-quoted character in Starsky & Hutch: in 32 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Hutch Hutchinson (18), Capt. Harold Dobey (3), Huggy Bear (2)
StarskyHey, I'm a cop, not a vigilante. And especially because this was Helen, what will go down will be the most professional homicide investigation ever conducted by this department. I'm going to walk that guy into a court, and a judge is going to imprison or institutionalize him for the rest of his life. So help me, God.
StarskyYou know, if this was a cowboy movie, I'd give you my boots.
[Starsky and Hutch hold hands]
StarskyYou're my pal, Hutch.
StarskyDoes your mommy know you use language like this?
StarskyEverybody says the same thing, these two guys could never miss. I say they never miss unless they're told to.
You're worried.
StarskyYeah.
Relax.
StarskyI'd rather worry.
Me, too. So, who do we trust, huh?
StarskyLike always, me and thee.
StarskyYou sold me a HOT $360 watch?
It was cold when I touched it.
Starsky[about the gunmen] What're they doing?
Oh, talking.
StarskyWhat about?
The weather.
[In response to Starsky's badgering him to buy a new car] You just want me to drive around in a striped tomato like you got.
Starsky[Stunned] My car's a striped what?
[Bernie and Starsky have found Hutch and have discovered he's addicted to heroin] I've got to make a report!
StarskyNo! No report. This didn't happen, Bernie. Understand? This didn't happen.
[sees Starsky walking past his office with a candy bar in his mouth] Starsky!
Starsky[muffled from the candy bar] Mornin', Cap'n.
[angrily] Get in here! It's the middle of the afternoon! Where's that partner of yours?
StarskyIt's his day off, Captain.
His day off ended this morning. Now suppose you stop covering for him, get your tail on the horn, and tell him I said get his rear end in here!
StarskyThe truth is, Captain, he's sick.
He ain't called in sick!
StarskyWell, you know how it is, he's in love.
What you mean is he's shacked up.
StarskyYeah, well, uh... she is a pretty girl, Captain.
[completely uncharmed] You tell him I want him in here in one hour, and ready for duty. You tell him that.
StarskyThere's only one problem, Captain.
What's that?
StarskyI don't know where he is to tell him that.
Starsky[Starsky has just found Hutch's gun in his apartment and knows something has happened to him] I'm telling you, he's gone!
No he isn't. He's out on a date with a beautiful girl, to use your words.
Starsky[frustrated] Captain, you don't understand!
What do you mean, I don't understand?
StarskyI found his gun back in his apartment.
[skeptical] Do you take that gun out with you when you go on a date?
Starsky[angrily] Hutch wouldn't visit his *mother* without a gun!
[firmly] All right, Starsky settle down!
[Starsky calms down]
What do you think happened to him?
Starsky[crossly] I don't know.
Well, you know about that girl.
StarskyI know her name, I know where she lives...
And?
StarskyI can't find her, either.
What do you want to do about it?
StarskyMissing Persons?
That's a 'missing officer.'
StarskyNo, I mean 'missing partner.'
[Entering his kitchen, where Starsky is sitting on the counter and eating] That's a great breakfast. Root beer and cold pizza.
StarskyIt's the all-American breakfast. Just for the autopsy record, what's that you mash up in there every morning?
[Pouring and sprinkling items into a blender] Goat's milk, a little blackstrap molasses, sea kelp, lecithin, a little desiccated liver; of course, a good sprinkle of it has trace elements and vitamins.
StarskyOf course.
Y'know, Starsky, you oughta get into something like this. Make a new man outta ya.
Starsky, don't be cute. If you need help, call for it.
StarskyHutch is cute. I'm careful.
[Looking out the window of his home] Hey, Starsk, you see that sunset?
Starsky[Laying on the couch] Nah, that's okay.
You really oughtta take a look at it.
StarskyWhy? It happens every night.
It's beautiful! Every color of the spectrum, constantly changing. Blue, gold, red, purple...
StarskyYou been keepin' Reader's Digest in the john again? 'Ways to More Colorful Speech'?
Listen, I laugh all the way to the bank. Demonology and devil worship, man, that's the newest fad. It's legal and tax deductible. These nuts and kooks all want to be sorcerers and pay for the privilege.
Starsky[to Hutch] I told you we were in the wrong business.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Starsky & Hutch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
