Capt. Harold Dobey and Starsky in “The Fix”

[sees Starsky walking past his office with a candy bar in his mouth] Starsky!

[muffled from the candy bar] Mornin', Cap'n.

[angrily] Get in here! It's the middle of the afternoon! Where's that partner of yours?

It's his day off, Captain.

His day off ended this morning. Now suppose you stop covering for him, get your tail on the horn, and tell him I said get his rear end in here!

The truth is, Captain, he's sick.

He ain't called in sick!

Well, you know how it is, he's in love.

What you mean is he's shacked up.

Yeah, well, uh... she is a pretty girl, Captain.

[completely uncharmed] You tell him I want him in here in one hour, and ready for duty. You tell him that.

There's only one problem, Captain.

What's that?

I don't know where he is to tell him that.