Capt. Harold Dobey quotes from Starsky & Hutch

Capt. Harold Dobey

Starsky, about this report, it reads like a comic book! 'The fiery red Torino fishtails to a halt. Me and Hutch spill out onto the street ready for action.'

Capt. Harold Dobey

[sees Starsky walking past his office with a candy bar in his mouth] Starsky!

Starsky

[muffled from the candy bar] Mornin', Cap'n.

Capt. Harold Dobey

[angrily] Get in here! It's the middle of the afternoon! Where's that partner of yours?

Starsky

It's his day off, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey

His day off ended this morning. Now suppose you stop covering for him, get your tail on the horn, and tell him I said get his rear end in here!

Starsky

The truth is, Captain, he's sick.

Capt. Harold Dobey

He ain't called in sick!

Starsky

Well, you know how it is, he's in love.

Capt. Harold Dobey

What you mean is he's shacked up.

Starsky

Yeah, well, uh... she is a pretty girl, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey

[completely uncharmed] You tell him I want him in here in one hour, and ready for duty. You tell him that.

Starsky

There's only one problem, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey

What's that?

Starsky

I don't know where he is to tell him that.

Starsky

[Starsky has just found Hutch's gun in his apartment and knows something has happened to him] I'm telling you, he's gone!

Capt. Harold Dobey

No he isn't. He's out on a date with a beautiful girl, to use your words.

Starsky

[frustrated] Captain, you don't understand!

Capt. Harold Dobey

What do you mean, I don't understand?

Starsky

I found his gun back in his apartment.

Capt. Harold Dobey

[skeptical] Do you take that gun out with you when you go on a date?

Starsky

[angrily] Hutch wouldn't visit his *mother* without a gun!

Capt. Harold Dobey

[firmly] All right, Starsky settle down!

Capt. Harold Dobey

What do you think happened to him?

Starsky

[crossly] I don't know.

Capt. Harold Dobey

Well, you know about that girl.

Starsky

I know her name, I know where she lives...

Capt. Harold Dobey

And?

Starsky

I can't find her, either.

Capt. Harold Dobey

What do you want to do about it?

Starsky

Missing Persons?

Capt. Harold Dobey

That's a 'missing officer.'

Starsky

No, I mean 'missing partner.'

Capt. Harold Dobey

Starsky, don't be cute. If you need help, call for it.

Starsky

Hutch is cute. I'm careful.

Capt. Harold Dobey

Look, Hutch, we only have two hours.

Hutch

I don't care if we have two minutes, we don't give up!