John Sheppard quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Sheppard

[is beamed to the gateroom from the Daedelaus] Hello, I'm home! [Weir hugs him, Sheppard is stunned]

Weir

Yes you are. [pause] I truly thought that-

Sheppard

Yeah, yeah, I thought the same about you for a while there. We have to stop that [referring to the fact that each thought the other had perished]

Weir

[smiling] I'd like that.

Dr. McKay

Don't stare. He hates it when people stare.

Lt. Col Sheppard

[whispers] Am I the only one who thinks it's strange we're working with an alien?

Dr. McKay

Intergalactic hyper drive technology is kind of new to us, so we need his help.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Is he supposed to be naked like that?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

This is what I do when I'm having problems with my laptop. I turn it off, then I turn it on again.

Dr. Weir

I think it's a little more complicated than that.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I'm just saying, if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard Book of Computer Repair, we're really desperate.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And, Major, you get McKay.

Ooo, lucky me...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You heard of Androcles and the lion?

Dr. Beckett

Aye. And who are you in this retelling? The Romans?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

What the hell are you doing?!

Teyla

Getting my hand free.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Doesn't feel that way!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

First time off world?

Dr. Zelenka

Yes.

Lt Col. Sheppard

Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now.

Dr. Zelenka

Really?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

If it makes you feel better.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Maybe there's something wrong with him an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean.

Dr. McKay

I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

So he just looks crazy?

Dr. McKay

I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid here was in way over his head!

Dr. Zelenka

Yes! I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want to try and fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?

Dr. McKay

I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.

Dr. McKay

What are you - Oh, my gosh, he's tasting it! [to Ronon] You don't know what that is, that could be their laundry!

Ronon

Pretty good.

Dr. McKay

Oh, yes. Good idea. And when you're finished with their poridge, Why don't we try their beds?

Ronon

[to Rodney] Want some?

Dr. McKay

How good is it?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Leave it be, Goldilocks.

Teyla

Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?

Dr. McKay

[Looks at Col. Sheppard] Certain countries, yes.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Can we not get into this right now?

Teyla

Are you all right?

Dr. McKay

I think I chipped a tooth. Did I chip a tooth? Am I bleeding? Because I am a high risk for endocarditis.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Hi, folks. I hope I didn't crash-land on anybody.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Right now I'm saying knock it off.

Ronon

Is that an order, Sheppard?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I'm beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza right now if I wanted to, but if you need it to be, yeah, it's an order.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How much time do you need to rework the DHD?

Dr. McKay

Well, in a perfect world, two days.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Rodney?

Dr. McKay

Right now, uh, ten minutes, give or take.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How's it coming, Rodney?

Dr. McKay

Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Good, any chance of getting the cloaking generator back on line?

Dr. McKay

Okay, and uh maybe then you want me to make you a nice sandwich?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Only if it's humanly possible.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Best case scenario?

Dr. McKay

I win a Nobel Prize.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Worst case scenario?

Dr. McKay

We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe. [Sheppard looks horrified] Which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize.