Rodney McKay quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Dr. Beckett

Their ear-drums have been perforated.

Dr. Weir

How?

Dr. Zelenka

The whales are emitting an intense, low frequency pulse...like...like a sonar; as well as an EM field. The combination is very dangerous to humans - particularly in such close proximity.

Dr. McKay

[having heard none of this; his voice raised] It's the whales!

Dr. Beckett

[ignoring Rodney] Their hearing's been impaired; it should heal soon...

Dr. McKay

[continuing anyway; his voice still raised] It's their echolocation! It's creating very powerful vibrations! The closer we got, the worse it became!

Dr. Zelenka

Yes... [Raising his voice] Yes Rodney! We know!

Dr. McKay

[after a brief pause] Oh!

Lt. Col Sheppard

[after an even longer pause] What?

Lt. Col Sheppard

[attempting to get Rodney's attention] Canadian Football league is a joke.[he pauses, then continues when Rodney fails to react] Celine Dion is overrated. [a second pause] Zelenka is smarter than you are! [a third pause]

Dr. McKay

[having heard nothing] Hey! I found mention of a biolab in the database. Ancient scientists used it to study animal life. We should check it out.

Lt. Col Sheppard

Okay...Meredith.

Dr. Weir

And how do you know...he's a he?

Dr. McKay

Oh, because I cross-referenced the renderings in the database with the whale outside, and, you'll see, the males have a rather prominent, um-

Dr. Weir

[interrupting] Oh, it's okay, I might-I'll take your word for it.

Dr. McKay

(Talking about Kolya and his men) What if they burn down the village out of spite?

Well, that'll be petty of them.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Yeah well, they're like that.

Dr. Zelenka

Normally if Dr. Esposito weren't around, I doubt you would have been as reckless as you were.

Dr. McKay

Are you insane?

Lt. Col Sheppard

Which one is Esposito?

Dr. Zelenka

Oh, the long dark-haired...

Lt. Col Sheppard

Oh, right, the one with the perky little...

Dr. McKay

Do you mind?! We're trying to work here.

Lt. Col Sheppard

For the record I was gonna say 'smile'.

Dr. McKay

Ya, I'm sure you were.

Dr. McKay

One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for? I mean, there’s gross mutation, giantism, invisibility...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That would be cool. I turned into a bug.

Dr. Beckett

Alright. Like I said, as far as I can tell, he’s as healthy as a horse. I’m clearing you for active duty.

Dr. McKay

What are you insane?! Look, I need to be put under guard. Who knows what I could become?

Dr. Weir

What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?

Dr. Weir

What else can you do, besides telekinesis?

Dr. McKay

Well, super-hearing for one. And, I'm not sure, but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure because I was pretty smart to start with, but recently I've been having thoughts that I don't think even I would have thought of before.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Does super-ego count as a power?

Dr. McKay

Oh, finally! Look, keep it coming.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

We may also be dealing with a super appetite, but it's hard to tell because he ate so much before.

Dr. Weir

Rodney, we need to talk.

Dr. McKay

What do you mean I’m gonna die? I’m not even sick! I feel great -- never better!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That Ancient device...

McKay

[Reading his mind] ...has accelerated my evolution. [Reading Weir’s mind] Eventually I’ll reach a point where I’m physically capable of ascension, but ascension takes more than that -- there’s a mental component. I need to know how to make it happen... which I don’t. [Reads Ronon’s thoughts] Yet!! I’m getting smarter by the minute, it’s a pretty good assumption I’ll be able to figure it out on the way. [Rodney reads Weir’s mind again]. OK, so it’s not as easy as that. Well, even if I don’t, so I stay a highly-evolved human. I mean, I don’t have to ascend, it’s a choice, right? [John grimaces slightly] No? What do you mean, no? Oh, that stupid Ancient device doesn’t work properly, does it? [He reads Elizabeth’s mind again] It’s set in motion a series of genetic mutations that will result in my death if I don’t ascend?!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[To Weir] There is something easier about this.

Dr. McKay

That’s why the Ancients didn’t put it into common use, it’s just one more in a long line of abysmal, over-ambitious failures! Oh God. I’m a dead man!

Dr. McKay

You know, we could be a team! You could be my sidekick!

Ronon

Sidekick.

Dr. McKay

Yeah, like Batman and Ronon. Has a nice ring to it.

Ronon

You keep eating like this, it'll be more like "Fatman".

Dr. McKay

Yes, I'm me! I'm my old self!

Dr. Beckett

Are you certain?

Dr. McKay

Ya, I'm alive. I feel--I feel great--I feel--uh...um...hungry...

Lt. Col Sheppard

He's fine.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

He’s giving his people way too much technology for their level of development. [Points at Rodney accusingly] I’m not the only one increasing my army, by the way.

Dr. McKay

I had to do something to protect the people of Geldar from you.

Ronon

Geldar?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

The name of Rodney’s country. He named it after a girl he stalked in college.

Dr. McKay

I did not stalk her. We dated twice. Teresa Geldar -- a very cute blonde. I always used to think her name reminded me of some kind of a mythological land - "The Kingdom of Geldar".

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Oh yeah! That’s something you see in a medieval village!

Dr. McKay

Yes, well, the Renaissance obviously came early to these folks.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

A couple of hundred years early?

Teyla

I am sorry, Herick, but we have scanned the surface of your planet. If your world was at war with the Wraith, the war was lost many years ago.

Dr. McKay

More like centuries. I mean, there is nothing down there but ruins and plant life.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Dial up the sensitivity a notch, all right?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I guarantee you you’re gonna see pretty much the same technology that you’re looking at here, which I call vintage 1967.

Dr. McKay

[sarcastically] Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, we hollowed out a lot of moons back in the sixties.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, if we had, this is what they'd look like.

Dr. Beckett

Tell them we'll be there in a jiff.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You guys hear that?

Dr. McKay

[over radio] Yay, faint hope!