The Doctor quotes from Star Trek: Voyager

Is this the thruster control?

The Doctor

Don't touch that! We don't know what it does! It could be the self-destruct!

There are ships dropping out of warp! We're doomed!

The Doctor

[Relieved] No we're not; they're Starfleet!

What are they doing?!

The Doctor

Firing on us!

They must think there are Romulans onboard!

The Doctor

They're right!

[To The Doctor] All of our evidence shows that you are a war criminal!

The Doctor

Evidence?! What evidence!? Like this for example?! [points to a schematic of the Warship: Voyager] Triple-armored hull? Thirty torpedo tubes, twenty-five phaser banks?! This isn't what our ship look like!

We reconstructed it from a partial schematic, found in the Cyrik Ocean... which was badly damaged by corrosion--we were bound to get a few details wrong!

The Doctor

Voyager wasn't a warship! We were explorers!

Yes, I know--trying to get home; to Mars.

The Doctor

Earth! You see, you couldn't even get that right!

The Doctor

[To Quarren] I want to see your version of what happened.

Tom Paris

We've already drained two phaser banks, and it hasn't did anything!

Tuvok

Perhaps if you looked at your console once in a while instead of chasing the female ensigns, you'd see otherwise.

Harry Kim

Tom's right; this war was supposed to be over in five minutes!

Chakotay

[To Tom Paris] You have a better idea, lieutenant?

Tom Paris

As a matter of fact, I do: fighter shuttles. A direct assault.

[To Tom Paris] Led by you? Good luck.

Tom Paris

Watch your mouth, hedgehog!

Chakotay

I haven't heard a single good idea.

Tom Paris

Then propose something, first officer! Earn your rank for once! [Chakotay punches Tom Paris in the stomach while Neelix, Harry Kim and Tuvok try to separate them]

Kathryn Janeway

Gentlemen... [the fight continues] Gentlemen! [Captain Janeway pulls her phaser out and shoots a console, which breaks the fight] Save it for the holodeck! We've got a war to fight. We've only been attacking the Kyrian military instillation--a mistake. We should target the general population.

Excellent idea, captain. I've examined the Kyrian genome and they'd be vulnerable to any number of biological weapons.

Kathryn Janeway

How soon could you have one ready?

Within the hour.

Kathryn Janeway

Dismissed.

The Doctor

I'll go first, Captain, and draw any fire if need be.

Your crew is heroic, Captain--

The Doctor

I just happen to be invulnerable to phaser fire, but I appreciate the compliment.

I was never meant to be. As long as I exist, you are in danger. All life on Voyager is in danger.

The Doctor

We can talk about this later. [Attempts to administer a hypospray but is stopped by One's force field]

Seven

Allow the Doctor to proceed. Lower the force field.

The Doctor

His synapses are failing.

Seven

You must comply.

I will not.

Seven

You must comply! Please... [quieter] You are hurting me.

[Dying] You will adapt.

The Doctor

So how did you get involved with Bonnie and Clyde [referring to Harry Kim and Chakotay] here?

Oh, I had an interest in Voyager for a long time.

Harry Kim

They're having sex. [referring to Tess and Chakotay]

The Doctor

I'm no time-travel expert, but can't we just call Voyager again? I mean the past isn't going anywhere.

Harry Kim

That's not going to help if we don't know WHAT to tell them.

Seven of Nine

Don't worry, Lieutenant. The Son of K'Vok will not be joining us.

B'Elanna

Glad to hear it. Does this qualify as our second date?

The Doctor

Just think of me as your chaperone.

The Doctor

Decisions, decisions. How do you make a decision, Mister Neelix? In general, I mean.

Neelix

I guess I weigh the alternatives and try to decide which is best.

The Doctor

Which is best. How do you determine that?

Neelix

I never thought about it, really.

The Doctor

Well, maybe you should. Think about it, I mean.

Neelix

I guess every situation is a little different.

The Doctor

For me, it's rather simple. While I'm faced with a decision my program calculates the variables, and I take action. For example, what could be simpler than a triage situation in Sickbay? (hold two pieces of fruit) Two patients, for example, both injured, for example, both in imminent danger of dying. Calculate the variables. My program needs to ascertain which patient has the greater chance of survival, and that's the one I treat. (tosses a fruit across the mess hall) Simple. But, what if they have an equal chance of survival? What then? Hmm? (slams hand on table) Flip a coin? Pick a card?!

Neelix

Doctor.

The Doctor

Oh, I'm all right. I'm a hologram. I don't get injured, I don't feel pain, I don't die. Unlike some people I could tell you about. For example, two patients. Both injured, both in imminent danger of. (jerks away from Neelix) Don't touch me! I'm a hologram. Photonic energy. Don't waste your time.

Neelix

(taps combadge) Neelix to Security. Send a team to the Mess hall, please.

The Doctor

A whole team, Mister Neelix? Throwing a little party, are we? Why, I attended a party just recently. A birthday party for a very nice young woman. I made a decision there, too. Several of them, in fact. When I came through the door, do I turn right or do I turn left? As I recall, I decided on the latter. Then, what should I see before me but the hors d'oeuvre tray, and another decision. Do I take a canapé or refuse? Oh, that's an easy one. I'm a hologram. I don't eat.

Neelix

(to Tuvok) Something's wrong with him.

The Doctor

Don't you know it's rude to refer to somebody in the third person? You had a choice, Mister Neelix. Should I do something rude, or not do something rude?

Tuvok

Doctor, we must return to Sickbay.

The Doctor

Why should I? What if I don't want to return to Sickbay? What if I decide not to return to Sickbay? No, I don't choose this. (jerks away from security) Leave me alone! Let me go! Why did she have to die? Why did I kill her?! Why did I decide to kill her?! Why?! Somebody tell me why!!

The Doctor

The more I think about it, the more I realize there's nothing I could have done differently...the primordial atom burst, sending out its radiation, setting everything in motion. One particle collides with another, gases expand, planets contract and before you know it we've got starships and holodecks and chicken soup. In fact, you can't help but have starships, holodecks and chicken soup - because it was all determined 20 billion years ago!

Tuvok

[Entering] There is a certain logic... to your logic.

I could use a crewmate like you. The beast would have a difficult time manipulating a hologram's desires.

The Doctor

An Ishmael to your Ahab? No, thank you.

You're turning down the hunt of a lifetime?

The Doctor

As appealing as that sounds, I'm a doctor, not a dragon slayer.

The Doctor

[pleased to see her] Seven! Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Seven

I have a date.

I'm not sure how I feel about getting inside Tom's head.

The Doctor

Maybe you'll be able to explain a few things when you get back.

The Doctor

[to Tom] You'll need a few days to fully recover. Think you can manage to stay off your feet for that long?

B'Elanna

If he doesn't, I'll break his legs.

The Doctor

Well, then, I'll leave you to B'Elanna's tender mercies.