EMH Mark II quotes from Star Trek: Voyager

Okay, I'm taking power from.... life support, we don't need that!

My beautiful existence cut short. No time to explore the universe, no time to smell the roses... no time for... sex.

Hand me the thrombic modulator.

The Doctor

[looks down at a variety of instruments] Umm..... mmm... [picks up a spherical one, activates it] Uhh?

[rolls eyes] It's the cone-shaped one. Hand it to me please... Medical science has made a few advances while you've been in the... Delta Quadrant, did you say?

The Doctor

That's right.

We don't use scalpels or leeches, anymore.

The Doctor

I've even had sexual relations.

Sex?! But how is that possible?! We're not equipped-

The Doctor

Let's just say I made an addition to my program.

Before you leave... perhaps you could download those sub-routines into my database?

I hope your myriad of adventures included piloting lessons, because there's nothing in my program that would help us fly this thing.

The Doctor

I've had my share of piloting experience. Actually, only two lessons... and they were in a shuttle craft... on the holodeck--but I showed great intuition! [Looks around the bridge, confused] Where's the helm?

The Doctor

Stop breathing down my neck.

My breathing is merely a simulation.

The Doctor

So is my neck; stop it anyway!

Doctor, some...thing just went offline!

The Doctor

Specifically?

The secondary gyrodyne relays of the propulsion field intermatrix have depolarized!

The Doctor

In ENGLISH!

I am just reading what it says here!

The Doctor

You hit the wrong ship!

It wasn't my fault.

The Doctor

Then whose fault was it, the torpedo's? You're supposed to tell it what to do!

Is this the thruster control?

The Doctor

Don't touch that! We don't know what it does! It could be the self-destruct!

There are ships dropping out of warp! We're doomed!

The Doctor

[Relieved] No we're not; they're Starfleet!

What are they doing?!

The Doctor

Firing on us!

They must think there are Romulans onboard!

The Doctor

They're right!