Neelix quotes from Star Trek: Voyager

Neelix

[after Quinn mentions a meal of Welsh Rarebit] Rabbit? She never told me she likes rabbit. What is a rabbit anyway? Is this some new chef she's interviewing?

Neelix

Do you want to know what Captain Janeway likes about me? I'll tell you. I am respectful, loyal and most of all, sincere - and those are qualities which someone like you could never hope to possess.

Neelix

(to Chakotay) Commander, I don’t think you can analyze love. It’s the greatest mystery of all. No one knows why it happens. Or doesn’t. Love is chance combination of elements. Any one thing might be enough to keep it from igniting: a mood, a glance, [a] remark. And if we could define love, predict it…it would probably lose its power.

Neelix

He (talking about Q's son) may be omnipotent but he's still a young man in need of guidance.

Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you, I'm only adjusting the restraint.

Neelix

I'll try to contain my disappointment.

Tuvok

That is doubtful.

Neelix

We'll see.

Tuvok

Your attempts have yet to succeed.

Neelix

You always have to get in that last word, don't you?

Tuvok

I am simply responding to your erroneous statement.

Neelix

[Teasing] Something tells me you just hate to lose an argument.

Tuvok

[Rising in tone slightly] Losing is irrelevant.

Neelix

See what I mean?

Tuvok

[Tone rising more] No, I do not!

Neelix

I'm sorry. I'm talking to myself, it's my way of remembering things.

Seven of Nine

You are a peculiar creature, Neelix.

Neelix

Thanks.... I think.

Chakotay

What really happened in your vision quest? What did you see?

Neelix

My sister, the crew, myself. They all told me the same thing: there's no point in living. And I agree with them.

Chakotay

I'm sure those were powerful images, but there are many ways to interpret them. You may be coming face-to-face with your own fear of death, or the manifestation of your emotional crisis. Your deepest beliefs have been thrown into doubt. It's only natural the vision quest would reflect that.

Neelix

Eleven years ago, I saw my world in ruins. My family murdered. All that's kept me going is knowing that one day we'd be together again. That I'd see them again. But it's not true. And I can't live without that hope.

Chakotay

I can understand how this can change the way you look at things. But it can also lead to an even stronger faith. You don't know. You're not there yet!

Chakotay

You're being called back to your life again, Neelix. Don't turn your back on it. We're your family now.

Neelix

It's not enough.

Chakotay

It is for us. "His function on this crew is diverse." That's what Seven of Nine said about you. Even our Borg understands how important you are on this ship. It's not just the duties you perform. It's the way you make people feel when you're around.

Neelix

That Neelix is gone

Chakotay

I don't think he is.

Tom Paris

Hmm, no wonder, acute functional dyspepsia.

Neelix

What's that?

Tom Paris

Heartburn.

Neelix

Coffee, Anyone... Captain [Offering coffee]

Kathryn Janeway

No Thanks, I've had enough. One more cup and I'll jump to warp.

Neelix

And since Commander Tuvok has been unable to round up any suspects, I'd like to ask that stronger measures be taken. [Talking about someone who keeps stealing food from the mess hall]

Tuvok

Perhaps an armed security detail?

The Doctor

Decisions, decisions. How do you make a decision, Mister Neelix? In general, I mean.

Neelix

I guess I weigh the alternatives and try to decide which is best.

The Doctor

Which is best. How do you determine that?

Neelix

I never thought about it, really.

The Doctor

Well, maybe you should. Think about it, I mean.

Neelix

I guess every situation is a little different.

The Doctor

For me, it's rather simple. While I'm faced with a decision my program calculates the variables, and I take action. For example, what could be simpler than a triage situation in Sickbay? (hold two pieces of fruit) Two patients, for example, both injured, for example, both in imminent danger of dying. Calculate the variables. My program needs to ascertain which patient has the greater chance of survival, and that's the one I treat. (tosses a fruit across the mess hall) Simple. But, what if they have an equal chance of survival? What then? Hmm? (slams hand on table) Flip a coin? Pick a card?!

Neelix

Doctor.

The Doctor

Oh, I'm all right. I'm a hologram. I don't get injured, I don't feel pain, I don't die. Unlike some people I could tell you about. For example, two patients. Both injured, both in imminent danger of. (jerks away from Neelix) Don't touch me! I'm a hologram. Photonic energy. Don't waste your time.

Neelix

(taps combadge) Neelix to Security. Send a team to the Mess hall, please.

The Doctor

A whole team, Mister Neelix? Throwing a little party, are we? Why, I attended a party just recently. A birthday party for a very nice young woman. I made a decision there, too. Several of them, in fact. When I came through the door, do I turn right or do I turn left? As I recall, I decided on the latter. Then, what should I see before me but the hors d'oeuvre tray, and another decision. Do I take a canapé or refuse? Oh, that's an easy one. I'm a hologram. I don't eat.

Neelix

(to Tuvok) Something's wrong with him.

The Doctor

Don't you know it's rude to refer to somebody in the third person? You had a choice, Mister Neelix. Should I do something rude, or not do something rude?

Tuvok

Doctor, we must return to Sickbay.

The Doctor

Why should I? What if I don't want to return to Sickbay? What if I decide not to return to Sickbay? No, I don't choose this. (jerks away from security) Leave me alone! Let me go! Why did she have to die? Why did I kill her?! Why did I decide to kill her?! Why?! Somebody tell me why!!

Captain Janeway

Coffee, black.

Neelix

I'm sorry, Captain. We've lost another two replicators –

Kathryn Janeway

Listen to me very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. Coffee – black.

Neelix

There's no way that I'm going to be able to sleep knowing that Tuvok is lying here like this.

The Doctor

There have been rare cases in which comatose patients responded to external stimuli. Aromas, touch, voices.

Neelix

So, you're saying that if I stay here and try to talk to Tuvok, I might be able to provoke some sort of response.

The Doctor

If anyone can provoke Tuvok, Mr. Neelix, it's you.