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SEASON 1

Squidbillies · Season 1

Squidbillies Season 1 quotes

127 quotes · page 4 of 9

S1 E15Unfinished Business

I'll be here for 40 days and 40 nights if thats what it takes to keep these commandments on display! What's next, they're goin' to try to take it out of our schools? Bullmess! I am against it!

(Shows Early later in the same place)

I'm against mens kissin mens, for any reason, but when womerns do it... [coughs]... That, uh, that seems alright. Uhh, any womerns here willing to make out with another woman...

(Shows Early even later while still in the same place)

I'm against all digits below and above the number 9. They, they all blasphemous. Uhh, and Nitrogen, 'cause you know it was brought here in ships by space Jews! Hell yeah, you know the ones.

How'd a hog, what ain't got no money, get money to buy damn drugs, Lil!

Is your hog on drugs? How would you know? How could you tell? Look for these here warnin' signs. Sudden weight loss. Euphoria leadin' to paranoia. Stealitization of your thangs. And jibbery-style oinkery what make no sense a 'tall. Warn your hog about the dangers of meth a 'fore it's too damn late. I'm Early Cuyler and this concludes my court-ordered community service.

Looks like they found out your name wasn't Awesome Bill from Dawsonville.

Well yeah it is.

... No. Early, it's not.

Damnit to hell you know that too?

Well, here we are! Terminus, capital of the dirty south. Rising like a phoenix from the ashes of the civil war. Y'all recongnize this place here?

Wait a minute, this the place where Kenny Rogers shot that scene with the kids of Six Pack, ain't it?

1982! The coward of the county's own self stood right here!

Stone Mountain. World's most appropriately named mountain in the South East. And look carved there on the side, the four horseman of the confederacy. Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Pacman!

A rebel's hero. Come up to Gettysburg to kick some damn ass! If it weren't for Pacman, we might'a lost the damn war!

JJudge

Counselour approach the bench...your lookin' at an uphill battle here, I mean he did look at him crossways, and this is Georgia, I mean, we are still very backwards, in many ways.

(on Rudolph's head) Check this out--a bonafide 8-point. I'm gonna mount it on my toilet.

(tied to a chair) He was so rare.

He's about to be medium-rare.

What could you possibly want from me?

Oh, I think you know what I want, Santy Claus.

Cuyler, it's impossible...

I only ever asked ya for one thing.

I just...I can't do it.

(jumping onto Santa's beard) Damn it, I been a good boy! Now how many years I gotta wait? I want me the greatest gift of all!

I won't bring you the still-beating heart of Jeff Gordon! All right? I've said it!

Well...Nicholas, I'm disappointed. We'll do it this way--Russell, get me my straight razor.

No, no, please, we don't have to go this way.

Okay, okay, you right.

Thank you.

I'm thinkin' the rusty fish scaler instead.

EElves

(disguised as carolers in a manger, singing) Fall on your knees...

(They pull out ninja weapons)

EElf

I said fall on your knees, you son-of-a-bitch!

I done tell you once, you son-of-a-bitch, I'm the best that's ever been!

What?

Fire in the mountain, run boys run!

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