Squidbillies Season 1 quotes

Come on, man. We was just teasin' with the government.

So, Medicare ain't gonna spring for no fake funbags?

Medicare. Medicare don't care. Medicaint!

We wait, actually, you wait (starts sinking into the floor of his truck, a smaller truck-boat-truck emerges from beneath the truck) Escape pod only holds one, fight the good fight son! (mini truck-boat-truck horn plays 'La Cucaracha')

Science, you cheap whore.

Go behind the Dumpster and mate the tangy with the mild.

Well, how I go about doing that?

Tie Tangy up, have a black chicken fuck it in a fake rape scenario while Mild watches helpless because that's what gets him off.

Hail Satan, my dark lord and master.

I'm gonna own you all, just like I own this little bitch here! Come on. Come to daddy.

Wait a minute, now. I thought you said this was free. I didn't have to do nuthin' for it.

Listen to the little whiny bitch. Boy, he's really gonna hate it when he gets to Hell.

I don't wanna go to hell! Come on, do something, Daddy!

You know, it's actually not much worse than your current situation. I mean, yeah, we have really high taxes, but hey, you earn real money at least. I mean, we do have jobs down there. It's not everything you hear.

Oh, really?

Hahaha, no! You are raped by fire all day! And the days are longer down there! Oh, there's plenty to drink. You know what you drink? FIRE, motherstuffer, that's what! Dinner? That's a root that makes you thirsty for more flippin' fire! You understand? It's ridiculous what I've set up down there!

Cmon Roy Clark I summon you from hell.

Banjo is dated! Just cuz we live up here we supposed to like banjo!? How very damn trite!

(while Sheriff and the hippies "copulate") Damn! Smells like somebody took a massive dump on a huge pile of crap and soaked the whole thing in a jug of week-old farts and lit the whole caboodle on fire.

Yeah, just like you done on the last Fourth of July, Daddy.

I sure did. I support the troops.

Oh my God! It's Ridley Scott's "Alien"! Look at it! Oh my God! Oh my God!

No, son, it ain't Ridley Scott's "Alien". It's worse.

(taking Lil's babies to the "movies") Alright. C'mon y'all. C'mon. Step right in to the movies. Yeah, see what Hollyweird has cooked up next. Getcha good seat now. You don't wanna miss them previews.

Daddy, this ain't the movies.

No movies. Lake boat.

I have dubbed thee Herschel Walker Cuyler Them Dawgs is Hell Don’t They!

"I have re-evalutated the saturation, and I have convoluted that you ain't wild... You're mild."

Y'all bow your damn heads! We thank you, Lord, for mans like myself, males of the masculine variety, winners all of us. And we thank you for the womerns too, and how you made them out of a part of a man that he don't never need nor want, to live by our rules and our pleasures. [chomps] The chicken is good. Amen.

Look at me Granny, I'm goin to get me a job and respect from my peers just because I say so!

Oh rusty your so stupid and sweet"

You got to earn this, boy! You understand me?