Early Cuyler quotes from Squidbillies

What are you going to do to me?

You ever see the movie Saw II?

Oh no, oh no, please, please...

No? Me, neither.

I done tell you once, you son-of-a-bitch, I'm the best that's ever been!

What?

Fire in the mountain, run boys run!

Come on, man. We was just teasin' with the government.

So, Medicare ain't gonna spring for no fake funbags?

Medicare. Medicare don't care. Medicaint!

We wait, actually, you wait (starts sinking into the floor of his truck, a smaller truck-boat-truck emerges from beneath the truck) Escape pod only holds one, fight the good fight son! (mini truck-boat-truck horn plays 'La Cucaracha')

Cmon Roy Clark I summon you from hell.

Banjo is dated! Just cuz we live up here we supposed to like banjo!? How very damn trite!

(while Sheriff and the hippies "copulate") Damn! Smells like somebody took a massive dump on a huge pile of crap and soaked the whole thing in a jug of week-old farts and lit the whole caboodle on fire.

Yeah, just like you done on the last Fourth of July, Daddy.

I sure did. I support the troops.

Oh my God! It's Ridley Scott's "Alien"! Look at it! Oh my God! Oh my God!

No, son, it ain't Ridley Scott's "Alien". It's worse.

(taking Lil's babies to the "movies") Alright. C'mon y'all. C'mon. Step right in to the movies. Yeah, see what Hollyweird has cooked up next. Getcha good seat now. You don't wanna miss them previews.

Daddy, this ain't the movies.

No movies. Lake boat.

Who even cares? Life is merely a fantasy draped in confusion. The curtain is yanked back from the charade!

Would you grab my skull bong, from the reverend please?

Hey little possum! Can I feed him, daddy?

Knock yourself out.

I’m just saying what everyone thinking -- Black people make Chinese food for a living. It’s one hell of a world, ain’t it?

Granny Cuyler

No one’s thinking that! You’re out of touch, you weirdo! Ow, ow!

Hey, Sheriff, do that there funny joke where you blow your face off. That’s a good ’un!

No, my craniofacial surgeon told me I should phase out that of my set. So I guess y’all just got served!

[with a hole in his mug, coffee falls out of his mug, and his blood comes out of his body] Stop using your firearm as a microphone. Damn, I ain't even playing now. [Falls over]

I’m gonna kill the old-fashioned way.

You are quotin’ “Roadhouse!”

Damn, boy! I thought you was good!

Stop…Quoting… “Roadhouse!” Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

Damn, Rusty.

Uh, you’re under arrest. I mean, it’s illegal to pull out your daddy’s -- Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

What happened to the fun, Rusty? Yah! Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

Seems risky to say this since you’re in a mood, but how’d you learn to rip throats out?

Yah!

Please don’t. Please d-- Aah!

Aah!

Granny Cuyler

I’m ready to die.

Aah! Aa-a-a-a-a-h! I’m so sorry for ripping out everybody’s throat out. I guess I just snapped.

It’s alright, Rusty. I lost my bar, but it was worth it. That party was goat.

‘Preciate you, Ellis.

I’m glad you ripped my throat out, Rusty. I had a tumor in there from a lifetime of smoking.

Granny Cuyler

I’m glad you ripped my throat out, too. Because I just like to fit in.

I told you I’d show people a good time.

That party was off the hook -- And off the chain.

The whole hook, chain, whatever apparatus connected you to something -- Gone.

Granny Cuyler

Yeah, whatever chain we were on. We’re off it now.

Bring in the chains, referee. Let’s measure it. ‘Cause I think we got first down -- Of good times.

Granny Cuyler

Who let the Dogs out? Early, that’s who, he took off their chains. That explains how they got out.

Ha ha ha. Anything with chains.

Made in Georgia.