Dan Rydell quotes from Sports Night

Casey

"A neighborhood park all covered with cheese"?

Dan

I said cheese?

Casey

You said cheese.

Dan

Dana, did I say "park all covered with cheese"?

Dana

There's a consensus, yes.

Dan

What are you lookin' at?

Casey

I'm here for you, man.

Dan

Let me fix it when we come back.

Dana

Fix it when we get back.

Casey

Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park isn't all covered with cheese?

Dan

It's covered with trees; now shut up.

Casey

I was just about to change my mind and recommend you.

Dan

Really?

Casey

No.

Dan

Dana, Casey's being mean to me.

Dana

Casey, be nice to Dan.

Casey

"Sophomore sensation credits her agility and quick first steps to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese." Dana, we got all kinds of sentence construction here. I think he's gonna have to explain that it's the park that's covered with cheese and not the father.

Dan

This is an unforgiving room.

Casey

I gather it went well.

Dan

You know sometimes it's worth it, taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes you come through it feeling good.

Casey

Yes.

Dan

And how was your day?

Casey

Sometimes you just stand there, hip deep in pie.

Dan

You're nineteen feet tall. Why are you wearing heels?

Sally

Are you feeling diminutive?

Dan

No, but now I have to go look up that word.

Dan

Casey.

Casey

I'll tell you what the problem is here.

Dan

No provolone cheese?

Casey

No provolone.

Dan

You're saying you don't want to talk about it.

Casey

I'm saying I'd like, just once, for there to be provolone.

Dan

Is this one of those times when you say you don't want to talk about it, but you really do?

Casey

No, but it's shaping up to be one of those times when I say I don't want to talk about it but we end up talking about it anyway.

Dan

Hey Sally, you must've slept with this guy Fedrigotti. How long you think he can keep at this?

Sally

I was just thinking, it's been such a long time since Dan said something charming to me, and then there it was.

Dan

Did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

Casey

I do not know.

Dan

You don't know?

Casey

I do not.

Dan

Natalie, did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

Natalie

That's a good question.

Dan

Thank you very much. Did he pitch this afternoon?

Natalie

I do not know.

Dan

Thank God none of us works in sports.

Dan

You know what pumps me up?

Casey

I know you like grape jelly.

Dan

Alyson, as you can see, Casey and I aren't wearing any pants, so I think in the interest of office professionalism you should avert your eyes.

Okay.

Dan

Either that or take off your pants.

I'll avert my eyes.

Casey

Suit yourself, but you should know I play squash three times a week and my calves have been called shapely.

Dan

Casey?

Casey

Yeah?

Dan

Who's been calling your calves shapely?

Casey

My mom.

Dan

Okay. Don't talk to me for the rest of the show.

Dan

Why is it wrong to tell her, huh?

Casey

Doesn't seem very manly, does it?

Dan

[sulkily] Do it in a deep voice.

Casey

I have a plan.

Dan

What's the plan?

Casey

It's Napoleon's plan.

Dan

Who's Napoleon?

Casey

Nineteenth century French Emperor?

Dan

Cracking wise with me now?

Casey

Yess.

Dan

Thanks.

Casey

He had a two-part plan.

Dan

What was it?

Casey

First we show up, then we see what happens.

Casey

Try not to traumatize the new nanny.

Dan

Why would I traumatize the new nanny?

Casey

I don't know, but you always do.

Dan

I like nannies.

Casey

I know.

Dan

I'm thinking of getting one for myself.

Casey

Good.

Dan

'Course, she'd probably end up going back to her ex-husband.

Dan

Isaac, you can't work full-time.

Isaac

I have to.

Dan

Why?

Isaac

Because they pay me to.

Dan

You had a stroke.

Isaac

Is that what that was?

Dan

Yes!

Isaac

I thought it was bad swordfish!

Dan

Hillary Clinton thinks I'm an idiot!

Casey

Either that or a religious bigot.

Dan

I went to an Ivy League school, Casey.

Casey

Proud day for Dartmouth, Dan.

Dan

I made an idiot out of myself in front of Hillary Clinton!

Casey

Yeah, but at least you had to spend a thousand bucks to do it.

Casey

I'm known in some parts for my first date. In certain parts I have a rep. There's such a thing as street cred, Dan.

Dan

Listen to this.

Casey

Tell them about my street cred.

Dan

Haha, seriously.

Casey

Tell them about my rep.

Dan

You don't have a rep, you don't have street cred. Your last date was 14 years ago and you ended up with marriage and a divorce.

Casey

In some parts.

Dan

There are no parts.

Dan

I have gifts for you.

Dana

That wasn't necessary.

Dan

I think it was. You once took a trip to Napa and you visited a small vineyard there. You told me you tried some wine that you loved and could never find it anywhere. I thought I remembered the name but I wasn't sure. Is this it?

Dana

[surprised] Yes.

Dan

Good! I always like wine with cheese.

Dana

I know.

Dan

I wanted to get you some cheese. There's a great cheese place over on Second Avenue. I went over there after I got the wine but it's gone... there's a hardware store there now.

Dana

That's okay.

Dan

I got you some spackle.