Casey McCall quotes from Sports Night

Casey

You wanna do something tonight after the show?

Dan

Yeah, y'know, I was gonna hop a ride on the Staten Island Ferry for awhile, eat a hotdog. You wanna come?

Casey

Yeah, absolutely, and I'll tell you why. Cause it's seventeen degrees outside with the wind chill so what I want to do is stand on a boat in the middle of New York harbor at half-past midnight.

Dan

You have a better idea?

Casey

Well, we could go to a bar, find some people we don't like and beat the crap out of them.

Dana

Hey, look everybody. It's two sports anchors, and that's a good break for us, because we're about to do a sports show.

Casey

Sarcasm, thy name is Dana.

Casey

You should try making it shorter.

Jeremy

What's the key?

Casey

In this case?

Jeremy

Yeah.

Casey

Making it a lot shorter.

Jeremy

I can't imagine what i'd cut.

Casey

Well, you start off with Cedric, the leadoff batter, at the top of the first inning, despite the fact that nobody scored until the 5th inning.

Jeremy

There's action beyond scoring.

Casey

Yeah, but Cedric grounded out to the short stop and was thrown out at first by quite a large margin.

Jeremy

Yeah.

Casey

Well, that is what is called a routine ground ball. In your search for things that are newsworthy, let the word 'routine' serve as a danger sign.

This is a third place show on a fourth rate network.

Dan

Yeah, but that's all gonna change once I grow a goatee.

Casey

He's just crazy enough to do it.

Casey

I am a commentator, I am a pundit, I am doing my job.

Dan

You're a pundit?

Casey

I am.

Dan

Well, your parents must be very proud.

Casey

They are.

Dan

If you wear something blue you get two dollars off a giant blue margarita.

Casey

You know I make a pretty good living. I can actually afford to wear what I want and pay full price.

Dan

I'm not promoting the economic upside as much as I am the opportunity to drink something giant and blue.

Sally

Anyway, I really appreciate the two of you sticking around and filling in.

Casey

It's no problem.

Sally

Oh, please, you think I wanna be stuck doing the two a.m.? This is just a temp gig.

Casey

Temp gig?

Dan

Temporary gig.

Casey

Thanks.

Sally

My stuff's out there. I talk to a lot of people.

Dan

Just as long as none of them are talkin' back.

Sally

CNBC, MSNBC—

Dan

M-O-U-S-E...

Casey

Danny—

Dan

Oh, like she's listening to anybody but herself.

Dana

You think at a certain point during the evening you'll say something wonderful to me and I'll melt and that'll teach me for going out with Gordon instead of you.

Casey

I'll settle for you spilling something on yourself.

Dan

So, I'm gonna try telling you this story one more time.

Casey

Can I just make a suggestion?

Dan

Sure.

Casey

What if, instead of you telling me this story again right this second, you never tell me this story ever?

Dana

Wow.

Casey

Wow what?

Dana

Those cars are going fast.

Casey

Yeah, they're going as fast as they can because the first one across the finish line gets a trophy and a check.

Dana

Like a race?

Casey

Right.

Casey

"A neighborhood park all covered with cheese"?

Dan

I said cheese?

Casey

You said cheese.

Dan

Dana, did I say "park all covered with cheese"?

Dana

There's a consensus, yes.

Dan

What are you lookin' at?

Casey

I'm here for you, man.

Dan

Let me fix it when we come back.

Dana

Fix it when we get back.

Casey

Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park isn't all covered with cheese?

Dan

It's covered with trees; now shut up.

Casey

I was just about to change my mind and recommend you.

Dan

Really?

Casey

No.

Dan

Dana, Casey's being mean to me.

Dana

Casey, be nice to Dan.

Casey

"Sophomore sensation credits her agility and quick first steps to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese." Dana, we got all kinds of sentence construction here. I think he's gonna have to explain that it's the park that's covered with cheese and not the father.

Dan

This is an unforgiving room.

Casey

I gather it went well.

Dan

You know sometimes it's worth it, taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes you come through it feeling good.

Casey

Yes.

Dan

And how was your day?

Casey

Sometimes you just stand there, hip deep in pie.

Dan

Casey.

Casey

I'll tell you what the problem is here.

Dan

No provolone cheese?

Casey

No provolone.

Dan

You're saying you don't want to talk about it.

Casey

I'm saying I'd like, just once, for there to be provolone.

Dan

Is this one of those times when you say you don't want to talk about it, but you really do?

Casey

No, but it's shaping up to be one of those times when I say I don't want to talk about it but we end up talking about it anyway.

Dan

Did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

Casey

I do not know.

Dan

You don't know?

Casey

I do not.

Dan

Natalie, did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

Natalie

That's a good question.

Dan

Thank you very much. Did he pitch this afternoon?

Natalie

I do not know.

Dan

Thank God none of us works in sports.

Dan

You know what pumps me up?

Casey

I know you like grape jelly.