[Hell's Pass Hospital; Kyle and Ike are in the waiting room while Sheila is being checked up, having suddenly started projectile pooping and vomiting on herself shortly after delivering a speech to all the women of the town at the community center]
Hello, boys. Your mommy has a bacterial infection called, C. diff. It's very contagious.
A bacterial infection? In her stomach?
All of us have trillions of microorganisms that grow on and inside our bodies. Just like your mom. There's tiny creatures that live in your mom's skin, on her eyelashes, in her vagina. But the good bacteria in mommy's tummy is being overrun by bad bacteria. We can't use antibiotics, because that will kill all the good bacteria too.
So what can you do for her?
We need to take a healthy person's microbiome and start to grow it inside your mother. We do this with a fecal transplant. We'll get a donor's feces, mix it with water, and put it up your mom's anus.
[disgusted] Eeewww!
Your mom is tough, kids. We're gonna do the very best we can, kids. Try not to worry.
Ike, if Mom lives, we can't let anyone ever know about this.
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