St. Peter's Basilica has collapsed after Father Maxi tore the Holy Document of Vatican Law up.
Gone...it's all gone.
Well, thanks a lot, Father Maxi; you've killed our religion.
No, I didn't! All that's dead are your stupid laws and rules.
Cut to a television set in the Marsh residence, where the family is watching. Maxi's speech is being broadcast live on television.
(continuing) You've forgotten what being a Catholic is all about: this book. You see, these are just stories. Stories that are meant to help guide people [cut back to Vatican] in the right direction. "Love your neighbor", "be a good person", [cut to the Williams family watching] that's it! And when you start [cut back to Vatican] turning the stories into literal translations of hierarchies and power, well...well you end up with this.
[cut to the Queen spider, then the Gilgameks]
People are losing faith because they don't see how what [cut to Marsh residence] you've turned the religion into applies to them. They've lost touch with any idea of any kind of religion, [cut to the Tweak residence] and when they have no mythology to try and live their lives by, well, they just start spewing a bunch of crap out of their mouths!
[cut to the Tweak family watching this, as Richard Tweak is just finishing defecating out his mouth into a waste basket]
(distracted) What was that last bit?
[cut back to the Vatican]
Look, I'm proud to be a Catholic, but I'm a Catholic in the real world - in today's world! It's time for you all to do that too. It is time...for change.
[cut back to the Marsh residence]
He's right, Sharon. We don't have to believe every word of the Bible, they're just stories to help us live by. We shouldn't toss away the lessons of the Bible just because some assholes in Italy screwed it up.
Oh, Randy, I don't wanna put food up my butt anymore.
Gang, I think maybe we owe God an apology.
Does this mean we have to go to church on Sundays again?
No, it means we get to, son. It means...we get to.
[A few seconds later, Randy defecates out of his mouth. Roll credits.]
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