This must be what summer school is - an intense psychological mind game, not unlike the Academy Award winning film Suicide Squad.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I bet you didn't know Shakespeare was the original rapper.
Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx, five years before the Son of Sam?
Yeah, sure. That's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap. Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights without giving them any credit.
This makes me like Shakespeare!
Of course it does! My tough‐yet‐relatable teaching style is breaking through your emotional armour.
And how!
Where the fuck are all the dinosaurs?! What did they do to all the dinosaurs?!
Or what about when we teamed up with the Simpsons for a game against the Monstars from Space Jam?
I mean, how are we sure we're not in a The Matrix or a Matrix Reloaded?
Because there would be green numbers floating around and leather sunglasses.
[Last scene of season 1]
Ha! I knew it! None of that stuff happened! [Pupa brings his Harry Potter Whistle to the Opposites] What the! [the Pupa arrives with a woodwind thing] How does the Pupa keep getting that Harry Potter Whistle? I thought we locked it up…
How does he keep getting that thing?
Don’t everybody look at me…
You obviously gave it to him.
I did not!
Damnit, Terry, you’ve gotta stop raising false alarms about the Pupa! Your’re making me Goobler! I’m- I’m- Gooblering!
Uh, okay! Alright… [the Pupa changes color]
Wierd, he’s never done that before…
Pupa, stop that! Do you think we should tell Terry and Korvo?
Ugh, they’re already wound up.
But if he evolves, and kills all of us?
Yeah, right like that’ll never happen [leaves with Jesse, zooms to the Pupa]
PPupa
[deep voice] See you next season, everyone…
ZZelvod
We were about to start our hourly prayers. Care to join?
Eh, we only pray on Easter or when we think we're about to die. And even then, we don't really mean it.
Can you believe those weirdo British aliens pray every hour? Next time, let's just ignore the distress signal. Bunch of Jar Jar Dinks. "Mesa gonna hide from Terrans!"
[Jesse giggles]
Those Shlorpians were exactly the way we're supposed to be.
Sneaking out at night to dumpster dive for trash food? "Mesa gonna eat trash!"
They're basic. We're extra, they're basic.
They were not!
I'm honestly surprised they didn't have a flying saucer. They were like a bunch of ALFs: Alone Loser Fucks.
As team leader, I should be included in all things, which is why I demand that we all be invited to this dinnering party!
No, I-I can't add a plus one so late in the date, let alone a plus two!
Then I will activate the Earth Eraser, and we can all get turned into dust! [does so]
EEEarth Eraser
All matter will be atomized in five, four...
Okay! Jesus fucking Christ, I added you to the RSBP. You've sufficiently cramped my style.
[stops the device's countdown] Good. We shall leave in an hour. I need to apply darker blue makeup to... everywhere under my robe.
Man, we gotta throw out that Earth Eraser.
EEEarth Eraser
Try and die, bitch!
Ugh, human battery power is so weak. Why haven't they discovered how to harness the power of love yet?!
IEIdris Elba
We've been watching you.
Who's been watching me, Idris Elba?
IEIdris Elba
The Big Dick Energy Council. We are a secret and mystic fraternity. Too complicated to explain, mate.
Oh, let me guess - it's, like, a bunch of people with big dicks?
IEIdris Elba
Yeah, that's pretty much it. You have to understand. For centuries, our Council has been tasked with keeping a delicate balance of energy in the world. But your new BDE is buggering it all up!
[awestruck] "Buggering" means fucking in British!
I know what "buggering" means!
IEIdris Elba
I came to offer you a spot on the Council. Christian Bale stepped down after he lost all that penis weight for a movie. You could be one of the greats, but only we can show you how to harness your power for good!
My answer... IS NO! I don't need you or your stupid Council!
IEIdris Elba
BDE is a power stronger than any man! And if you're not careful, it will consume you!
Are you threatening me, Idris Elba?
IEIdris Elba
Just keepin' it real, mate.
Well, why don't you keep this real, "mate"? I'm gonna make a dick so big that you and your stupid Council will be begging me to suck it!
Sigourney, I went too far! I flew too close to the big dick sun, and now everyone is gonna die!
SWSigourney Weaver
Hush, my child. No one is dying today, because I have the one and only thing, since the beginning of time, that can stop BDE. You see, I am made of pure NFG: "No Fսcks Given". [shows a tattooed "NFG" on her wrist] Yes, that's right, my sweet, sweet boy - I don't give a fսck.
That's so cool. I was thinking of getting the Arby's logo tattooed on my back...
SWSigourney Weaver
No.
Like a screaming competition!
Go! [they leave as they scream]
Ooh, camp sounds amazing! I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag!
And I'm excited for a sexual awakening! I heard last year, Julia Holland went to camp a girl and came back a woman - but then it turned out it actually was a woman and they never found Julia's body. Crazy, huh?
Well, I'm excited to perform something from Angels in America on talent night. I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels!
CCinthy
And of course, you couldn't be bothered to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening, 'cause you're too busy puttin' your nose in a pile of cocaine, and your dick in a pile of crack cocaine!
Okay, what if I did fuck crack cocaine?! What difference would it make?! You don't know anything about me anymore, Cinthy!
CCinthy
I know one about ya: you're about to be divorced!
I wish I'd never bought this wooden penis!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Solar Opposites pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.