Solar Opposites · Season 1
You should be helping me construct the Earth drill.
I have to take the Pupa to the dog park! We don't want to miss the Labradoodles!
Oh, oh, is the dog park more important than mining nickel alloys so we can repair our spaceship?!
Uh, I don't know, Korvo. Can nickel alloy catch a Frisbee in the air?
We won't know until we get some!
From now on, I want nothing but perfect behavior from you two. No terraforming the gym, or making pod people, or any of that Outer Limits bullshit! You act like regular kids, or you will be expelled. Now get the fuck outta here!
Funbucket has to be real. He has to be!
TV lied to us. It lied!
Th-That's impossible! All of human history is recorded on the TV! I don't even know what's real anymore! Are submarines real?! Are penguins real?!
I don't know! Probably not!
Why are you dissecting your classmate?
Despite having been examined by countless scientists over hundreds of years, the human brain is still a mystery.
Plus, she was mean to us at school!
Everyone is mean to them! I didn't invent it!
The homeowners' association is updating the rules again. "Gardeners need to have marked trucks. No RV parking in the driveway. All spaceships sticking out of houses need to be painted to match the trim." Are you hearing this?!
I need to repair this godforsaken ship. And if people don't like us, that will make that job so much harder in so many ways. So to be clear, I don't need to be liked. It's strictly a work necessity.
WELL, I NEED TO BE LIKED!
Solar Opposites will be right back after these set of... th-this set of subsequent advertisements.
[After either some commercials or just a brief black screen]
Now back to Solar Opposites. Unless you spring for expensive Hulu, then there was no commercial break and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense and is probably quite jarring. Good for you, Mr. Moneybags.
[Yumyulack and Jesse interrupt a rock band at a neo-Nazi bar]
What the fuck?!
Hey, guys, if you think that's punk rock, wait till you hear my sister's song!
[singing nervously] "Interraciaaaaal love, friendship--" Ow!
[A bottle gets thrown in Jesse's face, and she and Yumyulack flee into a closet]
Look, I do think humans are generally nice, but to prove that point to you today, I installed microchips in all of your enemies' heads that made them nice when I clicked this button! But I didn't know about these neo‐Nazis, so it's not gonna work and I think we're gonna die!
Ah, I told you some people are bad!
[sobbing] You're right, some people are really, really bad! This is just like the movie Green Room!
I like humans, but I hate shoes. Like, how are we supposed to taste the ground?
I don't know. They don't flavour their ground either.
Pfft! Weird, right?
Oh god, he’s dead, My Korvy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
I'm gooblering more than Zortex at the Camoodian Eve Parade.
Oof, whatever that means...
Why are your jeans in the freezer?!
J-Jen Garner had an Insta all about cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi!
How am I supposed to enjoy THE ONE DIET DR PEPPER I ALLOW MYSELF A DAY WITH BLUE FUCKING ICE CUBES?!?!
My plan is to slip into the seat, do nothing, and then it will become normal that I'm there.
Worked for Hulu.
I can't go to prison, I've got no butthole! How will I smuggle in treats?!
The only way to stop this infection is to inject the serum under their skin. But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too, which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons.
[toying with an spear] We get to cut people up?
It doesn't hurt them. The cuts all heal themselves because of the sci‐fi goo the blades emit.
Lame.
But wouldn't it be safer to use, like, a dart or something?
You wanna use a dart? Okay, yeah. Go ahead, use a dart. This is way cooler than a dart.
Let's go stab some kids and save some lives!
Yumyulack, out of 180 days of school this year, you've been late 179 times!
And Jesse, you've been late three times!
I'm a monster!
It's true, she is.
If either of you are ever late or miss class ever again, then you will be expelled! Which means you'll have to go to military school - where the bullies will fuck you!
[No reaction from Yumyulack or Jesse]
And they make you shave your head.
But my hair defines me!
[Camera closes in on a single, usually invisible hair on his head]
Then don't! Fuck! Up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Solar Opposites pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
