I might have a mild to moderate crush on Maeve.
Yeah, no shit. What gave it away?
She, uh... she touched my eyebrows, and now I have an erection.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[about his dog Madam] She's like the Kim Kardashian of tiny dogs.
TTanya
When we're having sex, I feel like I've never seen a vagina before. But I have seen one, because I've got one, and I've looked at it a lot.
JMJackson Marchetti
You know, it's weird. You're my age, but wise. You're like my mum... in a little man's body. Like a little mum man. No offense.
Sorry, who are you?
Whoever you want me to be.
(awkward pause)
Also, I'm Lily.
Do you know how long I've been called Cock Biter? Four years. People I've never met call me Cock Biter to my face. I bit Simon Furthassle's scrote. I had sex with four guys at the same time. I fucked my second cousin. I'll give you a hand job for a fiver if you like. Do you know how it started? Simon tried to kiss me at Claire Tyler's 14th birthday. I said no. So he told everyone I'd given him a blow job and bitten his dick, and that was it. This kind of thing sticks. And it hurts, and no one deserves to be shamed, not even Ruby.
You know Glen Jacobs, right? Where does he live?
In his parents' garage. There's loads of bean bags in it.
Okay, where is it?
Oh, I don't know. I just sort of arrive places.
RRuby
It's my vagina!
What?
RRuby
It's mine, okay? And I need your help. You and that weird sex kid who looks like a Victorian ghost.
To be clear, I don't want to have sex with you specifically. Just a human man with a penis.
That's... great for my self-esteem.
[about her essay] How did you know it was mine?
Well, Adam thought "As You Like It" was a song by Jay-Z. And only you could turn the topic of dreams into existential angst.
Steve says his "thing" is girls properly enjoying sex. He says he can tell I'm being fake.
Well, are you?
Yeah. I'm always fake.
What I'm saying is, before you talk to Steve, you... you should probably figure out, you know, what works for you... and your body.
So you're prescribing a wank?
...Yeah.
We've been holding hands for 45 minutes. I know how to hold hands. I'm here to fornicate.
I've been wanking all night. I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off.
Intercourse can be wonderful, but it can also cause tremendous pain. And if you're not careful, sex can destroy lives.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sex Education pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.