Sex Education · Season 1
[to her son] Otis, it's perfectly normal for a younger man to be sexually attracted to a mature woman. In fact, when you stigmatize his choice, then you feed into an unhealthy narrative on masculinity in middle age.
That's why I say you should never date a shrink, huh?
[chuckles]
Sex and relationship therapist, thank you very much.
Are you new?
No. No, no, no. I've been here since first year. We had chemistry together last term. You set my desk on fire.
He still calls me "Tromboner". It's been four years. Four years!
You did get an erection on stage, in front of the entire school.
It was a semi!
Yuck. Is that ham? We're vegan now, remember?
Oh, right, yeah, I forgot.
Have you been smoking again?
No, I haven't.
Good. Because smoking is definitely not vegan.
[about marijuana] It has been linked to early onset impotence. Nothing conclusive yet... but you have to be careful with how much you smoke. I only bring it up because I have a number of clients who were heavy users at your age, and now they have trouble with sexual performance.
Sexual performance?
They have trouble finishing. Ejaculation. Jizz, spunk. Man milk!
Everyone has had sex over the summer. Everyone except you.
And you.
Excuse me, I gave two and a half hand jobs to that guy I met in Butlin's.
Why the half?
We got interrupted. Stupid surprise karaoke.
Lose the tie. You look like a Mormon.
I thought maybe we could pop and get a bit of breakfast together. i had a good time the other night. It's so rare to find a woman who really listens, you know?
I see. I'm about to teach a vagina workshop. So... no?
What the hell did you do?
Um... I might have said something about chinchillas giving blow jobs.
Black Jesus is much sexier than White Jesus.
And have you considered the possibility of adoption?
I don't think anyone would want a pregnant 17-year-old.
I had a... sex dream... about Maeve.
That's brilliant! Was it ALS challenge or just your basic dick sneeze?
I can imagine it's hard when you're comparing your lack of experience to someone's sexual history.
What? No, I have experience.
You do?
Yeah. Hand jobs, fingering, oral, 69ing, a bit of anal stuff.
That's... extensive.
Yeah, but no sex. That's sacred, between a man and a woman on their wedding night.
[about sex] It feels good to wank, so it must be like that, but better. And doing it with someone who likes you must be awesome, because they really get you. Maybe the two of you become one, like the Spice Girls said.
Don't worry, love. I got three kids, and I feel way more guilty about the ones that I had than the ones I chose not to. It's better not being a mum at all than being a bad one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sex Education pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
