Otis Milburn quotes from Sex Education

Adam Groff

Are you new?

Otis Milburn

No. No, no, no. I've been here since first year. We had chemistry together last term. You set my desk on fire.

Eric Effoing

He still calls me "Tromboner". It's been four years. Four years!

Otis Milburn

You did get an erection on stage, in front of the entire school.

Eric Effoing

It was a semi!

Eric Effoing

Everyone has had sex over the summer. Everyone except you.

Otis Milburn

And you.

Eric Effoing

Excuse me, I gave two and a half hand jobs to that guy I met in Butlin's.

Otis Milburn

Why the half?

Eric Effoing

We got interrupted. Stupid surprise karaoke.

Maeve Wiley

What the hell did you do?

Otis Milburn

Um... I might have said something about chinchillas giving blow jobs.

Otis Milburn

I had a... sex dream... about Maeve.

Eric Effoing

That's brilliant! Was it ALS challenge or just your basic dick sneeze?

Otis Milburn

I can imagine it's hard when you're comparing your lack of experience to someone's sexual history.

What? No, I have experience.

Otis Milburn

You do?

Yeah. Hand jobs, fingering, oral, 69ing, a bit of anal stuff.

Otis Milburn

That's... extensive.

Yeah, but no sex. That's sacred, between a man and a woman on their wedding night.

Otis Milburn

I might have a mild to moderate crush on Maeve.

Eric Effoing

Yeah, no shit. What gave it away?

Otis Milburn

She, uh... she touched my eyebrows, and now I have an erection.

Otis Milburn

Sorry, who are you?

Lily Iglehart

Whoever you want me to be.

Lily Iglehart

Also, I'm Lily.

Lily Iglehart

To be clear, I don't want to have sex with you specifically. Just a human man with a penis.

Otis Milburn

That's... great for my self-esteem.

Maeve Wiley

[about her essay] How did you know it was mine?

Otis Milburn

Well, Adam thought "As You Like It" was a song by Jay-Z. And only you could turn the topic of dreams into existential angst.

Aimee Gibbs

Steve says his "thing" is girls properly enjoying sex. He says he can tell I'm being fake.

Otis Milburn

Well, are you?

Aimee Gibbs

Yeah. I'm always fake.

Otis Milburn

What I'm saying is, before you talk to Steve, you... you should probably figure out, you know, what works for you... and your body.

Aimee Gibbs

So you're prescribing a wank?

Otis Milburn

...Yeah.

I'm gonna jump!

Otis Milburn

Stop, Liam, don't. Don't do this.

Oh. Hi Otis.

Otis Milburn

You don't wanna jump.

No. I think I do.

Otis Milburn

You don't. Look... sometimes, the people we like don't like us back, and it's painful, but there's nothing we can do about it.

You don't understand.

Otis Milburn

I do. I do understand. I know what it's like when someone doesn't feel the same way about you. It's... someone you can't stop thinking about. It hurts. But you can't make people like you.

I don't like her - I love her!

Otis Milburn

I know. But love isn't about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars. It's just dumb luck. And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way. And then sometimes you're unlucky. But one day, you're gonna meet someone who appreciates you for who you are. I mean, there's seven billion people on the planet. I know one of them is gonna climb up on a moon for you.

Really?

Otis Milburn

Yeah, you're brillian! You're very dedicated. You're gonna make someone really happy one day.

But it will not be me!

Otis Milburn

Not Lizzie, definitely not Lizzie, but someone. And it won't happen if you fall off that moon and die.

Okay.

Maeve Wiley

You're not in any trouble. I sorted it.

Otis Milburn

Okay, what... what happened? Are we... are we not gonna talk about this? Is that it?

Maeve Wiley

I trusted you, Otis.

Lily Iglehart

My vagina has betrayed me.

Otis Milburn

How, exactly?

Lily Iglehart

I finally find someone who's DTF, and he can't get his average-sized dick in my stupid vagina. Why is this happening to me? It just doesn't make any sense. I've worked so hard. The set, the costumes, the makeup. Everything was perfect. I couldn't even get my finger in there. It's like my vag has lockjaw. What do I do?

Otis Milburn

Well, you used the word "perfect." Maybe it's a way of staying in control. In... in your fantasy, you're in charge. And reality can be... just, quite different.

Lily Iglehart

Nah, I just like aliens.

Otis Milburn

Do you like being out of control?

Lily Iglehart

I guess not. Like, I hate roller coasters.

Otis Milburn

Me, too. I do not like simulated danger.

Lily Iglehart

I guess I am kind of type A.

Otis Milburn

Well, maybe... you're unconsciously halting your progress to stay in control.

Lily Iglehart

But I want to have sex, so why would I do that?

Otis Milburn

I don't know.