Miranda Hobbes quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

All married couples stop having sex eventually.

Miranda

That's not true. You've had sex with plenty of married people.

Samantha

That's how I know!

Samantha

I love the stock market. A room full of screaming, sweating men all trying to get it up.

Miranda

I don't invest anymore. It's too volatile.

Carrie

Exactly. I like my money right where I can see it—hanging in my closet.

Samantha

It's all gotten so sanitary! I mean, no smoking in bars. What's next, no fucking in bars?

Miranda

Well, first there would have to be a no-fucking section.

Samantha

Did you finally bugger Berger?

Carrie

How long have you been waiting to say that?

Samantha

It just occurred to me.

Carrie

Yes, we finally buggered.

Charlotte

[clapping] Yay!

Miranda

[to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse?

Samantha

Someone should tell Crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.

Charlotte

[whispering] Don't call her crazy!

Samantha

Look at this. I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.

Carrie

Ladies, these aren't bags, they're baggage. We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. And it was one ugly breakup.

Miranda

I resent this. The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship.

Samantha

[looking at her appointment book] Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit.

Miranda

There's a "Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit" situation?

Samantha

I have to go to the theater!

Carrie

They finally made that mandatory?

Samantha

A new play in Brooklyn. Jerry's in it.

Miranda

So it's children's theater?

Charlotte

Oh, I think that's sweet.

Samantha

It's not sweet, it's pathetic how far a gal will go for a good fuck.

Charlotte

How'd you do it?

Miranda

Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.

Samantha

Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.

Samantha

I am so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—

Samantha

Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, not double strollers. [glances at Miranda] I'm sorry.

Miranda

Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her $8 cake.

Charlotte

You're not gonna defend children?

Miranda

No, I don't like any children but my own.

Charlotte

Big is in town?

Carrie

Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.

Miranda

What, is he on the wait list to get one?

Samantha

Yes, I need glasses, and I'm not ashamed. I have a sexy young man who loves to fuck me, and I'm fabulous.

Miranda

Have you considered putting that on a T-shirt?

Miranda

What I don't understand is, if they got it all, why do you need chemo?

Samantha

[about her doctor] Because he's an asshole.

Carrie

Evidently there can be something microscopic...

Samantha

Like his dick?

Carrie

Excuse me, do you have cancer or Tourette's?

Where to?

Miranda

Um, Brooklyn, please.

I don't go to Brooklyn.

Miranda

Yeah, neither do I.

Miranda

Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?

Carrie

Because it is.

Charlotte

Smith is not gay.

Miranda

Of course not.

Charlotte

So this makes you his beard.

Samantha

I'm a beard in a wig.

Miranda

I don't talk to Steve about my work.

Carrie

And he doesn't mind?

Miranda

I think he prefers it that way.

Carrie

But you guys share everything else.

Miranda

Because we're in Brooklyn. There's no one else to talk to.