A character in Sex and the City
Played by Cynthia Nixon
Sex and the City · 188 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Sex and the City: in 79 of its 188 quotes
Most scenes with: Carrie Bradshaw (52), Samantha Jones (50), Charlotte York (38)
Miranda[about the married man Samantha is having an affair with] He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know. They never do.
Thank God. Who needs the trouble? This is ideal. No muss, no fuss.
Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.
I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device.
MirandaYou say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit."
Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, at least get one called "The Horse."
A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. You cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother.
MirandaWell, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?
Oh, shit! I totally spaced. I forgot to buy her a present. How tacky is it to give the mother-to-be a fistful of cash?
Oh, don't worry about it. [picks up a bottle of Scotch] You can go in on mine.
You bought a pregnant woman a bottle of Scotch?
The invitation said BYOB.
MirandaThat meant "bring your own baby."
[after announcing she met a guy she's in love with] I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men.
Hey, don't spread that around.
Before James, all my conversations consisted of two sentences—"give it to me" and "go home." And I owe it all to Charlotte.
Me? What did I do?
All that bullshit you spout about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be.
MirandaWait. You haven't had sex yet?
Soon. You know... I think he's someone I could actually marry.
Samantha, that's great.
[voiceover] The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core.
[crying] James has a small dick.
Aw... Well, it's not the end of the world.
It's really small.
MirandaHow small?
Too small.
Well, size isn't everything.
Three inches?
Well...
Hard?
Is he a good kisser?
Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin!
That can be a turn-on.
MirandaSure, but now he wants me to reciprocate, and I can't. I never could.
Why not?
MirandaBecause sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No, thank you.
Just keep talking about his big cock.
Correction—his big, beautiful cock.
We're using the "C" word now?
MirandaI'm sorry, if a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.
Okay, what about us?
MirandaWe're just choosy.
Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as Mr. Pussy.
Why not?
Well, maybe I want more than that.
Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more.
Amen.
MirandaOrgasm, major thing in a relationship?
Yeah, but not the only thing. Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards and don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
Mine do.
Is he that bad in bed?
MirandaNo, he's just... He's a guy. They can rebuild a jet engine, but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx!
I think you just found the title for your autobiography.
You know, it's really not their fault. They don't come with a manual. If I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina.
If you had a son, we'd call social services.
So how was the sex?
Amazing! It was like Liz was looking over us, giving us her blessing.
A threesome in absentia.
I mean, my hat blew right into her headstone. She was clearly sending a message.
MirandaYeah, "don't fuck my husband, you hat-loving bitch."
Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls: Because they can. It's part of their biology. Instead of wasting all this energy condemning it, maybe it's time we all got in line with the reality of the situation.
Well, that sounds very empowering, but you're forgetting one important detail.
MirandaGod, I hope so.
Women cheat.
Yeah, but it's completely different.
How?
'Cause we don't go around randomly attacking any man that we're attracted to.
Speak for yourself.
We're not driven by testosterone.
Then what does drive us according to you?
Emotions.
You mean hormones.
No. I mean that little voice inside of me that says, "Mate for life! Mate for life!"
Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts.
It's love at first sight.
Oh, honey, this isn't love. This is about two people justifying a week of non-stop fucking.
MirandaOn my furniture! I have to redecorate.
[on the phone] I'm at Big's.
MirandaYou're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
Well, he got this veal.
MirandaYou blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat?!
MirandaWhen single men have a lot of money, it works to their advantage, but when a single woman has money, it's a problem you have to deal with. It's ridiculous! I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.
Bravo, honey! Bravo!
But you're talking about more than a difference in income. You're talking about a difference in background and education. This guy is working class.
MirandaWorking class?!
Yeah.
It's the millennium, sweetie. We don't say things like "working class" anymore.
But you're trying to pretend that we live in a classless society, and we don't.
Okay, Marie Antoinette, we get the picture.
Carrie BradshawSarah Jessica Parker · 123 quotes
Samantha JonesKim Cattrall · 114 quotes
Charlotte YorkKristin Davis · 82 quotes
Anthony MarantinoMario Cantone · 4 quotes
Richard WrightJames Remar · 4 quotes
Stanford BlatchWillie Garson · 4 quotes
BigChris Noth · 3 quotes
Trey McDougalKyle MacLachlan · 3 quotes
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