Samantha Jones quotes from Sex and the City

Carrie

It's about the fact that I wasn't even a factor in his decision-making process.

Miranda

Totally.

Samantha

Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we." And their version of "we" is "me and my dick."

Carrie

Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends.

Samantha

Look, we're as fucked-up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.

Samantha

The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs, we could run the world!

Carrie

And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.

Samantha

Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.

Carrie

Say it a little louder. I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.

Samantha

You're gonna take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

Miranda

You double-booked?

Charlotte

Well, I had to. This one guy was going out of town for three weeks, and the other guy didn't wanna cancel.

Carrie

So, how do you conceive pulling this one off?

Charlotte

Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.

Samantha

My God, you're turning into a man!

Carrie

[voiceover] Apparently Charlotte had done more than break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.

Charlotte

I just don't know how I'm ever gonna eat two dinners in a row.

Carrie

[voiceover] And then, just like that, she was a woman again.

Samantha

I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.

Carrie

Kool-Aid?

Samantha

Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

Charlotte

I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things like... accessories, that I might need help in others like...

Samantha

Fucking?

Charlotte

Making love. So... I'm taking a class.

Samantha

A fucking class?

Charlotte

No, a tantric sex workshop.

Charlotte

It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.

Carrie

Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.

Samantha

We could always burn sage.

Samantha

I'm telling you, Carrie, it was like a wall of flesh coming at me!

Carrie

There's nothing scarier than a really big one coming at you.

Samantha

I didn't even wanna get my mouth near it, I was afraid I'd get lockjaw. I mean, it was quite a shock. His hands are relatively tiny.

Carrie

Oh, don't tell me you believe that.

Samantha

Not anymore! I am really gonna have to psych myself up before I try it again.

Carrie

You're gonna try it again? Why?

Samantha

Because it's there!

Carrie

Sweetie, it's a penis, not Mount Everest.

Samantha

Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.

Charlotte

Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child.

Samantha

Well, that's their choice.

Carrie

You know, Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we, uh, lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?

Charlotte

I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy.

Samantha

Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.

Carrie

Or nightmare.

Samantha

You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice, big stock portfolio. For me, it's a fireman with a nice, big hose.

Samantha

I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear, but I've never gone the other way.

Stanford

See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.

Charlotte

That's hygienic?

Samantha

You know, that generation is all about sexual experimentation. All the kids are going bi.

Carrie

So what? If all the bi kids are jumping off a bridge, you're gonna do that too?

Samantha

I'm a "try-sexual". I'll try anything once.

Charlotte

You shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha. It's rude and politically incorrect.

Carrie

Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.

Miranda

She's an equal opportunity offender.

Samantha

Precisely. I don't see color. I see conquests.

Samantha

[after her date's sister harassed her because she's white] Talk about politically incorrect! She can't diss me just because I'm white!

Carrie

Please tell me you didn't say "diss."

Charlotte

Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha. Race is a very big issue.

Samantha

No, there is no reason to bring race into this. Chivon is a sweet man. We have great sex, and he happens to have the biggest—

Charlotte

[interrupts loudly] Black cock! We know, he has a big black cock!

Samantha

I was about to say "biggest heart." But now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock. [smiles contently]