Samantha Jones quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

[crying] James has a small dick.

Carrie

Aw... Well, it's not the end of the world.

Samantha

It's really small.

Miranda

How small?

Samantha

Too small.

Carrie

Well, size isn't everything.

Samantha

Three inches?

Carrie

Well...

Samantha

Hard?

Charlotte

Is he a good kisser?

Samantha

Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin!

Samantha

That can be a turn-on.

Miranda

Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate, and I can't. I never could.

Carrie

Why not?

Miranda

Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No, thank you.

Charlotte

Just keep talking about his big cock.

Samantha

Correction—his big, beautiful cock.

Carrie

We're using the "C" word now?

Samantha

Your penis is too small!

Excuse me?

Samantha

It doesn't... and it just... it can't. And I can't. And it's... it's just too damn small.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe your vagina is too big? [gets up and leaves]

Samantha

What can I say? I need a big dick.

I hear that.

Charlotte

Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as Mr. Pussy.

Samantha

Why not?

Charlotte

Well, maybe I want more than that.

Samantha

Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more.

Amen.

Samantha

Is he that bad in bed?

Miranda

No, he's just... He's a guy. They can rebuild a jet engine, but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx!

Carrie

I think you just found the title for your autobiography.

Samantha

You know, it's really not their fault. They don't come with a manual. If I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina.

Carrie

If you had a son, we'd call social services.

Charlotte

Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.

Samantha

I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?

Samantha

Nobody told me it was BYO man.

Carrie

Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.

Samantha

I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?

Samantha

Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls: Because they can. It's part of their biology. Instead of wasting all this energy condemning it, maybe it's time we all got in line with the reality of the situation.

Carrie

Well, that sounds very empowering, but you're forgetting one important detail.

Miranda

God, I hope so.

Carrie

Women cheat.

Charlotte

Yeah, but it's completely different.

Samantha

How?

Charlotte

'Cause we don't go around randomly attacking any man that we're attracted to.

Samantha

Speak for yourself.

Charlotte

We're not driven by testosterone.

Carrie

Then what does drive us according to you?

Charlotte

Emotions.

Samantha

You mean hormones.

Charlotte

No. I mean that little voice inside of me that says, "Mate for life! Mate for life!"

Samantha

Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts.

Charlotte

It's love at first sight.

Samantha

Oh, honey, this isn't love. This is about two people justifying a week of non-stop fucking.

Miranda

On my furniture! I have to redecorate.

Samantha

What's your age ceiling with men?

Carrie

50?

Samantha

Factor in millions and millions of dollars.

Carrie

50?

Samantha

Well, I just met the cutest older man.

Carrie

How old, 50? 60? Sweetie, is he on Medicare?

Samantha

I'm guessing 72. A young 72.

Samantha

All I'm saying is, uncut men are the best. They try harder. I should know. I've slept with five of them.

Charlotte

Out of how many?

Carrie

Infinity.

Carrie

[about Big] Now I've laid down the gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm gonna have to break up with him.

Charlotte

Well, how long are you gonna give him?

Carrie

Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's gonna start to curdle in about a week.

Samantha

You know, it's so interesting. You can tell a man, "I hate you", you'll have the best sex of your life. But tell him, "I love you", you'll probably never see him again.

Miranda

When single men have a lot of money, it works to their advantage, but when a single woman has money, it's a problem you have to deal with. It's ridiculous! I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.

Samantha

Bravo, honey! Bravo!

Charlotte

But you're talking about more than a difference in income. You're talking about a difference in background and education. This guy is working class.

Miranda

Working class?!

Charlotte

Yeah.

Carrie

It's the millennium, sweetie. We don't say things like "working class" anymore.

Charlotte

But you're trying to pretend that we live in a classless society, and we don't.

Carrie

Okay, Marie Antoinette, we get the picture.

Samantha

I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.

Charlotte

What happens to it?

Samantha

Nothing. I just never go back.

Carrie

Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?

Samantha

That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.

Miranda

And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.

Charlotte

I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?

Carrie

Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man, or is he a gay straight man?

Carrie

[voiceover] The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theater and antique furniture.

Samantha

Oh, hopefully, he's a gay straight man, which means he's straight with a lot of great gay qualities. Whereas a straight gay guy is just a gay guy who plays sports and won't fuck you.