Carrie Bradshaw quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

[on the phone] I am so fucked.

Carrie

What's wrong?

Samantha

No, I mean, literally. I have been fucked every way you can be fucked.

Carrie

If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna charge you by the minute.

Samantha

Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.

Miranda

Can I quote you?

Samantha

Oh, don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.

Charlotte

I'm not a hole!

Carrie

Honey, we know.

Samantha

Look, all I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was... well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.

Charlotte

What are you talking about? I went to Smith!

Samantha

Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy, and the right lubricant...

Charlotte

What was that?

A preview. [Carrie, Miranda and Samantha laugh]

Carrie

We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?

Miranda

Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?

Miranda

Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.

Samantha

Plus, the sense of power is such a turn-on. Maybe you're on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls.

Charlotte

Now, you see, that is the reason that I don't wanna go down this road.

Carrie

Oh, sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... just don't do it. Don't do it.

Miranda

But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?

Charlotte

I don't.

Miranda

Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head.

Samantha

Me too.

Miranda

[about the married man Samantha is having an affair with] He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know. They never do.

Samantha

Thank God. Who needs the trouble? This is ideal. No muss, no fuss.

Carrie

Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.

Carrie

I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device.

Miranda

You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit."

Samantha

Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, at least get one called "The Horse."

Charlotte

A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. You cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother.

Miranda

Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?

Carrie

[voiceover] My Zen teacher once told me that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. Just as I had reached the moment of no thought...

Charlotte

[whispering] I think I broke my vagina.

Carrie

Oh, sorry. Am I pulling too hard?

Charlotte

No, metaphorically, I mean. With the Rabbit.

Carrie

Oh, shit! I totally spaced. I forgot to buy her a present. How tacky is it to give the mother-to-be a fistful of cash?

Samantha

Oh, don't worry about it. [picks up a bottle of Scotch] You can go in on mine.

Carrie

You bought a pregnant woman a bottle of Scotch?

Samantha

The invitation said BYOB.

Miranda

That meant "bring your own baby."

Samantha

[after announcing she met a guy she's in love with] I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men.

Carrie

Hey, don't spread that around.

Samantha

Before James, all my conversations consisted of two sentences—"give it to me" and "go home." And I owe it all to Charlotte.

Charlotte

Me? What did I do?

Samantha

All that bullshit you spout about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be.

Miranda

Wait. You haven't had sex yet?

Samantha

Soon. You know... I think he's someone I could actually marry.

Charlotte

Samantha, that's great.

Carrie

[voiceover] The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core.

Samantha

[crying] James has a small dick.

Carrie

Aw... Well, it's not the end of the world.

Samantha

It's really small.

Miranda

How small?

Samantha

Too small.

Carrie

Well, size isn't everything.

Samantha

Three inches?

Carrie

Well...

Samantha

Hard?

Charlotte

Is he a good kisser?

Samantha

Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin!

Charlotte

It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

Carrie

I always like a good math solution to any love problem.

Samantha

That can be a turn-on.

Miranda

Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate, and I can't. I never could.

Carrie

Why not?

Miranda

Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No, thank you.

Charlotte

Just keep talking about his big cock.

Samantha

Correction—his big, beautiful cock.

Carrie

We're using the "C" word now?

Miranda

I'm sorry, if a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.

Carrie

Okay, what about us?

Miranda

We're just choosy.

Charlotte

Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as Mr. Pussy.

Samantha

Why not?

Charlotte

Well, maybe I want more than that.

Samantha

Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more.

Amen.

Miranda

Orgasm, major thing in a relationship?

Charlotte

Yeah, but not the only thing. Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards and don't hold your hand in a sad movie.

Carrie

Mine do.