A character in Scorpion
Played by Ari Stidham
Scorpion · 241 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Scorpion: in 63 of its 241 quotes
Most scenes with: Toby Curtis (28), Walter O'Brien (27), Paige Dineen (23)
How long would it take you to make an EMP device?
Fast enough. I just need to get my hands on some microwave ovens.
...
Microwave ovens?
Sylvester DoddWell, how would you build an EMP?
Sylvester DoddCabe, I don't see any parachutes! You knew we were gonna jump and you didn't tell me?
Well, if I did you wouldn't have come.
...
Have I ever put you in an unsafe situation?
Sylvester DoddAll the time!
Then you should be used to it.
There's a good chance Zoric is gonna be armed; you ready for this?
No.
Alright, then I'll go first.
Sylvester DoddGuys, remember, Ernesto might by deaf, but Zoric is not. You need to be completely silent, or else he'll know someone's in there with him.
Good point, Professor Obvious. Walter, also remember: We're in Cuba, and the Earth is round.
Who's Jackson Wyles?
Nobody.
There's two identical math sheets, one with your name on it, one with his.
Ralph, why are you doing someone's homework for them?
To avoid injury.
Sylvester DoddThat's a good reason
Son, you can't let yourself get bullied. You gotta stand up for yourself. You know how to fight?
He's not fighting.
That's the problem--he should be. Knock Jackson Wyles on his ass.
Nothing stops a punk faster than a shot right to the snout.
Thanks for the advice, but no.
I got an idea.
Ralph, don't worry. I'm gonna set up a meeting with your principal and this Jackson Wyles' parents.
Sylvester DoddInvolving the bully's parents might be poking the bear. Ralph, how fast can you run?
He's not going to run away. He's going to face his problems.
His problem is probably twice his size and skilled at wedgies and rear admirals.
And the dreaded covered wagon.
Sylvester DoddMaybe he shouldn't be wearing underwear.
What?! I appreciate everyone's concern, but none of you are his mom.
I can handle this.
You can handle what? Everything OK, Ralph?
Some kid's making Ralph do his homework for him.
Good, that is the perfect reason for Ralph to leave that school. He is smarter than everyone there, including the teachers. The guys and I will homeschool him from here.
Worst idea yet.
I think Toby's right. He's always right, or my name isn't Paige Dineen.
Tweaked Walt's voice-adaptation software. It'll record the basic tone of anyone's voice, then it perfectly mimics whatever you type in.... And it is clearly not the time to unveil it.
Thank God, this conversation's over. Sweetheart, I want you to avoid that boy today, and I'm gonna call Principal Pastorneck.
Don't, I can handle this. Just give me one day?
Ok. Love you.
Sylvester DoddStay strong.
Hey, where you goin' kid? I just got the heavy bag up!
I gotta go; you can teach me to hit people later.
You have to get it before 9:45, because Toby says it takes 15 minutes for the drugs to kick in, and you have to be dead before Ten-Ton comes to kill you.
Sylvester DoddI can't believe that sentence makes sense.
Cabe is teaching Toby how to box.
Sylvester DoddThe PSI on those jabs is averaging 129. On a power scale that's...
Kitten. Sad kitten.
Because this is a black operation, my information is need-to-know. Walter O'Brien, Cabe Gallo, Happy Quinn, join me in my SUV.
Hmm. Are you heading north or south? Ooh, eye flutter on south. Huntington? Long Beach? San Pedro? San Pedro it is. Meaning water. The ports.
Sylvester DoddA frigate!
Can we leave now?
You can only take three of the team, so space is an issue. A submarine? It's a submarine, isn't it? Anyway, Homeland needs Scorpion's help for a black ops nuclear submarine mission deep in international waters off the coast of California? Yep!
Toby and Sylvester bump fists.
They'll be needing me to code? I'll get my laptop.
And I will be building something, so I'll get my tools.
Sylvester DoddAnd I will get my party hat because I don't have to go on a submarine.
And I'll be going to keep anyone from wanting to kill them.
They're hopeful it gives me a better quality of life these last few months.
Sylvester DoddDon't say that.
I thought geniuses liked facts.
Sylvester DoddNot that one.
You see that? She was just busy
First stage of grief: Denial.
Grief over what?
Sylvester DoddThe fact that your attempted romance with Happy is dead.
OK, no offense, but I'm not about to give weight to the psychiatric musings of a guy who uses a superhero lunch box and someone who still watches Bonanza.
Second stage of grief: Anger.
How far away is that train?
Sylvester DoddIts current path has it just a few minutes from you, heading towards the Olympic and Westwood stop. Why?
'Cause I'm getting on board.
Suicidal genius says what now?
...
How the hell are you going to get on a train going 90 miles an hour?
I presume with great caution!
Knock knock.
[silence]
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Matthew.
Matthew who?
Matthew could never do unless you had an IQ of 184!
[Audience is silent, except for Sylvester, who laughs hysterically]
Ammonium and sodium hypochlorite hook up at a bar. Everyone inside dies.
Sylvester Dodd[laughing] It's funny because it's true!
I've been reading this great book on anti-gravity; I can't put it down. I have this new theory on inertia, but it's not gaining any momentum.
[Sylvester is having trouble breathing because he is laughing so hard.]
Thank you.
Well, that was factual.
Please, Sylvester. Never again.
Sylvester DoddThe intubation? Megan, Walter has a court order.
Please?
Sylvester DoddOK. I'll find a way.
Sylvester DoddDid you grab what we need?
I couldn't get it on such short notice. But I did grab a couple of Band-Aids!
Sylvester DoddOh, no. I am not going back to college. College was the worst six months of my life.
I'm in! And I'm gonna do it right this time. College sucked hard for 14-year-old Tobias Curtis.
Guys, college is fun!
College is a continued adolescence factory where parents subsidize years of nonsense instead of serious academic rigor.
Yeah. Fun.
You sure you know what you're doing?
Sylvester DoddI am a hypochondriac. I've been taking my own blood pressure since I was nine.
Why is Sylvester administering you medical care?
My doctor says my numbers are up. He wants me to check it every morning.
You're in good shape. Why would you have high blood pressure?
Happy New Year! I got bagels. throws a bagel and hits Cabe
You were saying?
Toby CurtisEddie Kaye Thomas · 117 quotes
Walter O'BrienElyes Gabel · 106 quotes
Happy QuinnJadyn Wong · 71 quotes
Paige DineenKatharine McPhee · 69 quotes
Cabe GalloRobert Patrick · 48 quotes
Ralph DineenRiley B. Smith · 23 quotes
Ray SpiewackKevin Weisman · 6 quotes
Drew BakerBrendan Hines · 5 quotes
Megan O'BrienCamille Guaty · 4 quotes
Tim ArmstrongScott Porter · 3 quotes
Veronica DineenLea Thompson · 3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.