Daphne quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

Daphne. Now. I need to talk to her.

Daphne

(dressed as crush) Daphne's gone. Call me Crush.

Darn it, lady, I'm serious! Where is she?

Daphne

Urgh, Fred. It's me, okay?

Uh... oh. I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. I'm not a guy anymore.

Daphne

What?

I have feelings! I care!

Now let's see who you really are. (unmasks the Gnome)

(gasp) The Court Fool? Uh-Oh.

That's my husband, Gill Littlefoot! What did you think you were doing, fool? (hits Gill with her staff)

What I've wanted to do for years: Frame you for the gnome attacks. And once you were out of the way, take your fortune for my own. (Amanda hits him again) Ow! Will you stop that?

Velma

But you're too tall. How could you ever be the gnome?

There's a reason our family name is Littlefoot. (takes off the gnome disguise to reveal his real size) (Everyone gasp) I planned this over a year. And while I've always hid my tiny legs, this finally provided me a way to make them useful. Since Amanda's dislike of pirates was well known, I planted her earring on a victim, hoping to throw suspicion her way. I used my toxin-coated gloves to paralyze all the pirates, but you would not quit. The beautiful part is that because of my--

Sheriff Stone

I believe the medical term is baby legs.

No one would have ever suspected me. That is, until you, meddling, gnome-hating, pirate-loving--

Sheriff Stone

Yeah, yeah, Shrimpo, we got the picture.

(annoyed) All these years, you've looked down on me. Now it turns out I'm actually taller than you. (hits Gill again with her staff)

Ow!

Sheriff Stone

Let's go, little footy. (laughs)

Mayor Jones

Boy, I had big plans for him! Thanks for nothing-- again.

Anytime, pop.

Sheriff Stone

What's going on? I heard what sounded like some sort of hideous, undying machine in here.

Daphne

We've solved the mystery of the Fright Hound.

And your culprit is... (opens the hood of the mysterious person)

Jason's mom?

That's right, it was me all along. I saw how you treated my Jason at school. So naturally I did what any mother would do. I built a demonic robot dog to destroy you! I framed your little doggy friend to break you up, leaving Jason a clear shot at his true love. But when you showed up and blamed him of all things, I decided to GET RID OF YOU ALL! I gave up a career in military robotics to raise my son, not to watch him get triped on!

Now Velma will never want to be my girlfriend. And she would have, too, if it weren't for my meddling mom!

Velma

I'm sorry, Jason. I should have been clearer with you earlier. But you and me, it's just not gonna happen. But we can still be friends.

Really?

Velma

Yeah. You took that very well.

And you touched my knuckle again. Ha ha! (kisses his fingers)

Aaahh! Let me go! I'll drain you all!

Daphne

Mom! Your vampiring is tearing this family apart! I'm sorry, but you've left me no choice. I'm going to have to stake you.

Wait! I'm not a vampire! I'm-- (unmasks herself)

Sheila Altoonian.

Daphne

But why?

Isn't it obvious? My looks are starting to fade.

Shaggy

No. You're gorgeous.

No. Your skin is as tight as my ascot.

This is all your mother's fault. We're the same age, but she's so beautiful. She has the skin of a teenager. That's when I realized she must be a vampire. I went to the Dinkley Shop to do a little research and found the recipe for the youth juice. That potion was gonna make me young and beautiful forever. You see, in college I majored in zoology and acrobatics, studying the habits of flying squirrels. I propelled myself into the air with my quad and glute muscles. All this gave me the illusion of a real flying Vampire.

Daphne

Why didn't you just try maybe wearing a little less makeup? Or a cuter haircut? Or use tape to pull back all your wrinkly sacks of. (grabs her cheeks with hands) You know, age gracefully.

Age gracefully? Are you crazy? No, the Vampire serum was my only hope. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling--

What's going on here?

Daphne

Mom!

Even now, she's stealing my moment.

Daphne

I'm so glad you're not an undead creature of darkness.

Thanks, honey.

Daphne

But what are you doing here? Why have you been sneaking out?

I didn't want to say anything, but I've been taking night classes. I'm getting my public notary degree!

Velma

Oh, how exciting.

Shaggy

What an opportunity.

You know, I may be outrageously gorgeous, but knowledge, knowledge is the key to true beauty. Well, I better get going. I have to figure out what a notary is before tomorrow's final exam. (laughs)

Daphne

Oh, Freddie, this is such a romantic setting for our second date.

If you say so. All I know is, since my dad owns the place, we get free refills.

Daphne

Did you break into the armory and steal a rocket launcher?

No.

Daphne

(to Fred) See, I told you, let's go.

Daphne

Okay. Let's see who was trying to give the Wild Brood a bad name.

Another geek?

Maxwell?

Shaggy

Like, who's Maxwell?

He works in the copy room at our gaming company. Maxwell, why?

Why? I'll tell you why. You all thought you were so cool. You never let me join in the beta testing of any of your new video games. No, I was just the lowly copy boy. So I sought my revenge. I made a Wild Brood costume of my own. From that point on, all I had to do was steal a rocket launcher, grab someone to hack the computer to divert the train, reroute said train, board the train from a moving motorcycle, defeat the train's security system, blow up the bridge the train was on, which would cause the Swordfish console to be destroyed in a massive train wreck, ruining your careers and hopefully giving rise to my own in the process. Simple!

Shaggy

Dude. Seriously?

Overkill, huh? Well, it might have worked, if it wasn't for you meddling kids. Am I right?

Uh, no.

Velma

Don't think so.

Shaggy

Not really.

Sheriff Stone

(puts the Orc mask on Maxwell's face) And keep that mask on. You geeks freak me out without them. (drives away with Maxwell arrested)

Velma

Don't be so hard on yourself. You tried to do a very brave thing.

No, Odnarb was the brave one. He saved us all. Go ahead. Hang with him, Daph.

We've got to get back to our render farm. But I was thinking... maybe one last ride? I'll let you hold onto my jacket. It's genuine elf thigh.

Daphne

Oh. No thanks, Od. You're awesome with all your deep thoughts and poetical nobility and stuff. But my heart has always been with Freddie. (kisses Fred on the cheek)

Yes! In your face, Odnarb, or whoever you are. She digs me. She digs me! SHE DIGS ME!

Daphne

We've got a great look for everyone!

Shaggy

Does mine involve wearing a skirt and lipstick?

Daphne

No...

Shaggy

Awesome!

Daphne

But Scooby's does!

It's not fair!

I am the goddess of love! Bow at the feet of Aphrodite!

Velma

I think you mean Amanda. (unmasks Aphrodite) Amanda Smythe?

Oh, you think you're so smart. Do you know how it feels to be humiliated? Me, the smartest and most gifted student in the history of Crystal Cove, laughed at by everyone in this school.

Velma

Well, actually...

You know nothing! They had promised me I would be prom queen, but instead they pulled a hideous mask over my face: The face of a monster. They ridiculed me. I left Crystal Cove that night, but I promised that someday I would return. I had always been good at chemistry, so when I stumbled on the formula for an artificial pheromone that could make people lose their minds with love, I knew I would have my revenge.

Daphne

Why? You're pretty now.

The scars run deep. I would reclaim the crown that was rightly mine, then I would destroy this town the way it destroyed me. My plan was genius! And I would have succeeded, too, if it wasn't for your olfactory-challenged sidekicks. (The deputies arrest Amanda)

Pericles

I am no one's sidekick.

You said it.

Shaggy

Well, Scooby Doo, like, you saved the day.

And Pericles, too.

Daphne

I guess even a diabolical and criminal bird can change his evil in malevolent ways.

(appears) Highly doubtful.

(nervously) Who--who are you?

I am an associate of Mr. E. Pericles left him a message that you should hear. (plays the recorded tape)

Pericles

It was I who gave Aphrodite the secret formula. Once that was accomplished, I could go after the real ingredients I needed to find. First, an ancient conquistador's ship manifest. Next, a stone piercing industrial-grade diamond drill bit. And finally, the geological reports from the Darrow Mining Company. Your move, Mr. E. (The tape ends)

Shaggy

Okay, can I get a teeny little time-out here? What does any of that stuff have to do with anything?

The curse of the haunted treasure, an ancient fortune left behind by the conquistadors that first settled this area. Legend has it that it is buried somewhere deep beneath us, and it now appears that Pericles is on the verge of discovering it. (Everyone gasp) And if he does, it could well mean the end of Crystal Cove. (walks away)

Way to go, gang. Who's been served now, huh?

I won't deny it, you are a worthy opponent.

Gee, thanks. You're not bad yourself.

Was that a gage burrow strategy you used back there?

You recognized it? You know, I thought at first I'd go with the Orpheus proposition, but I didn't have any milk.

Velma

(interrupts Fred) Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, but what's the big idea trying to kill us? And what's with this thing?

My treasure! I thought you had returned to steal it.

Daphne

Returned? I think you have us confused with the original Mystery Inc.

Say, now that you mention it, you don't look anything like I remember you. Especially that parrot over there.

Thank you.

I've made a terrible, terrible mistake. What has become of me? I suppose it started that Halloween night. My family came upon a mysterious artifact, a key to finding the great cursed treasure rumored to lie beneath Crystal Cove. It corrupted us with greed. I had just gotten my hands on it when the earth shook and swallowed our entire house. My loved ones grew old and passed all around me, but I hardly even noticed. Then, those meddling kids showed up. They were after my treasure. I knew it! So I spied on them. And I booby-trapped the whole house in ways that would prey upon their weaknesses. Eh, but they left.

Daphne

So you've been waiting for them to come back all this time?

Truth be told, I kind of lost track. Has it really been that long? How do I look? Haven't let myself go, have I?

Uh, no.

You look fine.

Daphne

I love what you've done with your hair.

My whole life has been a waste. (sits in the chair, dodges the booby-trap arrow launched by crossbow and laughs) That's one of my earlier models.

Shaggy

What's going on?

All those traps going off must have awaken the area's fault line. (falls on the floor broken in half)

Quick, grab my hand!

Don't worry about me! (The gang watches the ceiling breaking outside) Now's your chance for escape.

Velma

But your treasure?

(last words) Keep it! And may it bring you more happiness than it ever brought me. (The ceiling is still breaking, the light shines outside) Now, through that crevice before it's too late!

Daphne

After all that, he saved us.

Velma

Or did we save him?

Shaggy

Yeah. Like, he did say this wedge was...

Cursed.

Whatever it is, it's our responsibility now. The question is, are there other pieces out there? And if there are, who else is looking for them?

Ta-da! The Brownberger B-41. It's the trapper's trap.

Mayor Jones

(arrives) Spicy giblet ponies, Fred! Why do you have a geisha tied up in here? You know they belong downtown in Crystal Cove's geisha house of terror.

He's not a geisha, dad. He's a wizard. Or at least that's who he's pretending to be...

Mr. Wang?

Big surprise.

Mayor Jones

What?! Wang?! Why?!

I've searched for the dragon's heart all my life. I tracked it to your silly little town, and it was almost mine. Mine!

Mai Le

You won't be needing these anymore. (takes the 4 rings off of Mr. Wang)

Daphne

Now it all makes sense. Mr. Wang used his supposed research trip to Crystal Cove as an excuse to hunt for the dragon's heart. When he saw that Mai Le was wearing the fourth dragon ring, he knew he was close. Mr. Wang posed as the evil White Kung Fu Wizard to steal the fourth dragon ring from Mai Le, but Chen pretended to be a Red Wizard in an effort to stop him.

Velma

After the wizard battle downtown, Mr. Wang came to my house in one last effort to get the ring.

Shaggy

But how did he make himself fly?

Oh, the same way I did, (takes the White Wizard costume off of Mr. Wang) jetpack.

Oh! Of course.

Daphne

And the magic lightning bolts?

Velma

(shows Mr. Wang's hand) Homemade Tesla coils. Genius!

It was the perfect plan. That ruby is priceless. I was going to be rich! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you--

(masks Mr. Wang with the White Wizard's head) Save it, Wang. We've heard it all before.

The production assistant?

No, it's not. It's Argus Fentonpoof, the writer of "Scream, Scream, Time For You to Die".

I'm both. When you pulled out of the movie, they decided not to make it. I went bankrupt. I had to take a job as a production assistant.

But, why have you done this?

Well, by scaring you and everyone watching on TV, I was going to prove that Nightfright deserved his own horror movie. Right before you started filming, I hid my Nightfright costume in a closet. I used the conduit to sneak in and put the costume on. I paid the other actors to pretend to be knocked out when I attacked. Of course, I couldn't let anyone know that I was Nightfright. I had to sneak out every now and then, and get everyone coffee.

(arrives) Hold it right there. I'm Harry Shneste-Boysen, the executive producer of this show. I've been watching the whole thing from my jacuzzi. I'm blown away. (to Vincent van Ghoul) Not only is your reality show going to be a surefire hit, (to Argus) (2 deputies handcuff Argus) but I found your pathetic tale of lost dreams inspiring. It's gonna make a great movie.

A movie, about me? Really? Heh. Gee! Uh, you know, none of this would have happened without you meddling kids. Thanks.

Alright, let's go.

Bye, everyone! See you on the big screen in 10 to 20 years.

Well, all's well that ends well.