Scarecrow and Mrs. King · Season 1
Well, it is almost impossible to believe my good fortune in having you drop into my hands not just once, but twice.
Please, you've just got to believe me. I'm not the Scarecrow.
My dear, if I believed that, what use would you be to me? Do you think I could let you live one more second?
You're right, this is your lucky day.
Think of something, think of something!
I am thinking!
Uggh!
Just relax, will you?
Oh, sure, easy for you to say. You're not the one they're going to stuff in a refrigerator and ship off to Moscow.
No, I'm the one they're going to put up against a wall and shoot!
We have a man on the inside investigating.
Lee?
Lee.
Lee used to play football, you know?
Where?
Oh, at many of the universities he was thrown out of.
MMPH! Mmph! Mmph? Mmmmmm. . . .
I hope you, uh, got all you came for, Mrs. King. (He winks.) Interview-wise, that is.
I can't believe I spent the night in a bookie joint in a straitjacket and my mother will never believe it.
Amanda, believe me, we have worse problems than your mother thinking you were shacked up.
Now, don't be nasty, Francine, huh?
I wouldn't dream of it.
Oh, that's all right. Look, how often does a suburban lady like me get to drink vodka with the KGB and eat beans on Christmas.
Yes. I mean, I know I can't punch, but look, if anybody tried to attack you, I could confuse them to death. You know I can do that.
Oh, that I do. And believe me, when I need a blackbelt confuser, I will call you.
Look, are you going to be taking me to dinner every night? I mean, what kind of agent can I be when there's somebody with me all the time?
A live one.
The hardest part about this work is the feelings. Lee said not to get involved. He was right about that.
I never thought I'd live to hear you say that. Actually, I didn't live to hear it. Not officially, of course.
You're alive? You're alive and standing right here in my family room? Oh, you are! Oh, you are! Oh, I'm so angry with you!
What, for being alive?
Look, Amanda, no one I know would ever look for me here and everyone you know is out of town. So if you could just get past the psychological barrier of having me around, everything would be great! So where do you want me to put my things? Hmm? [He walks away. Amanda stands there.]
Guatemala.
A hundred dollars.
Well, how am I supposed to know what the current bribery rates are? A hundred dollars seemed fair to me.
In this neighborhood, you can rent a city block for that.
Ooh, renting a room with no luggage. Can you imagine what that desk clerk must think?
Amanda, get in the bed.
What?!
Just do it, will ya?
What's going on in there? Open up! What's all the ruckus in here?
Ruckus?
Yeah, there's screaming and pounding and yelling. Eddie the alcoholic says it sounds like World War Three.
Hey, now look, man. Me and the chick here paid for some privacy and we expect it, so beat it, huh? You tell Eddie the alcoholic to put in his earplugs if he don't like it.
Yeah.
Look. I run a nice, clean joint here. You got five minutes to clear out or I call the cops!
Do you know what it must take to offend that man's sense of decency? I'm so glad that I was the one to do it.
Assuming, of course, that the man who climbed in the window was the killer and not some maniac prowler.
Killers, maniac prowlers. You know, before I came to work for you people, the worst person in my life was a grumpy milkman.
Billy, these are the...
Oh.
Amanda. You're here. Well, I was under the impression that you only worked with us in connection with Lee.
Uh, well, I was very upset and, uh, Billy was trying to console me.
Buck up, Mrs. King.
Yes. Thank you, that... that helps. I'd better go now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scarecrow and Mrs. King pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
