Billy Melrose quotes from Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Billy

Disturbing the peace, assault, destroying personal property, not to mention six municipal code violations… you’ve had quite a day.

Francine

Well, I understand you gentlemen have to report to the principal's office.

Billy

Tag along, Francine.

Francine

Why do I have to go?

Billy

One of the chores of being my assistant is helping take the blame.

Billy

Scarecrow. I think we've finally found you a partner.

Lee

Knock it off, Billy.

Francine

Oh, you two are darling together. I understand she knits or something.

Lee

I'd button it, Loose Lips.

Billy

Lee, you've managed to avoid your physical for three years.

Lee

I've been busy!

Francine

I could have married royalty. A prince proposed to me once.

Billy

Why didn't you accept?

Francine

His country was too small.

Billy

Be nice.

Francine

When am I anything but?

Amanda

Well, I was just wondering ... shouldn't I know how to hit?

Billy

Excuse me?

Amanda

Well, shouldn't I have certain skills, you know, like self-defense, maybe know a few codes...

Billy

Amanda, surely you realise that your value to us is that of a civilian. I don't need another agent.

Francine

Were you to become a known operative, your usefulness would be over.

Lee

Yeah, it's great you don't know anything. The enemy could torture you for weeks and not get a thing.

Amanda

Oh, well, I appreciate that. But I don't think staying alive would compromise my usefulness too much.

Francine

Listen, Billy. Would you mind explaining one tiny, little inequity to me?

Billy

What's that?

Francine

Well, it just seems that while I, the seasoned professional, am in here, digging through files, socializing with the IRS, and Amanda, the rookie, is out whooping it up with royalty, ex-movie stars, and Lee Stetson. I mean, I'm asking you, who do you know that is better at mingling with and flattering the idle rich than I am?

Billy

No one.

Francine

Ah-hah. So, you can explain the situation to me?

Billy

Certainly. That's the way life is.

Francine

Why do I even ask these questions?

Billy

We have a man on the inside investigating.

Amanda

Lee?

Billy

Lee.

Francine

Lee used to play football, you know?

Amanda

Where?

Francine

Oh, at many of the universities he was thrown out of.

Lee

Look, are you going to be taking me to dinner every night? I mean, what kind of agent can I be when there's somebody with me all the time?

Billy

A live one.

Billy

Assuming, of course, that the man who climbed in the window was the killer and not some maniac prowler.

Amanda

Killers, maniac prowlers. You know, before I came to work for you people, the worst person in my life was a grumpy milkman.

Francine

Billy, these are the...

Amanda

Oh.

Francine

Amanda. You're here. Well, I was under the impression that you only worked with us in connection with Lee.

Amanda

Uh, well, I was very upset and, uh, Billy was trying to console me.

Billy

Buck up, Mrs. King.

Amanda

Yes. Thank you, that... that helps. I'd better go now.

Billy

Mrs. King?

Amanda

Hello. Do you work here?

Billy

Oh, boy.

Lee

Uh, this is Billy Melrose, our section chief. And, uh, Francine. Do you remember Francine?

Amanda

How do you do? No.

Francine

That's interesting. I've often been told I'm unforgettable.

Lee

Maybe we could retrain her.

Billy

Lee, I'm surprised to hear you talk like this. Usually you're complaining because you have to work with her.

Lee

I can adapt to almost anything.

Billy

The Agency appreciates your sacrifice.

Billy

Tell her I'm from the phone company.

Amanda

Sir. I'm not lying to her anymore.

Billy

Tell her I said I'm from the phone company,