Scotsman quotes from Samurai Jack

[tries passing through the Scotsman] Um... excuse me.

The Scotsman

What do ya expect me to do?

Just stand aside.

Scotsman

And risk fallin' over the side for a perfect stranger? Awa' an bile yer heid! You stand aside!

[pause] My destination lies at the opposite end of the bridge.

Scotsman

And you'll get there after you back up and I reach that end o' the bridge first! [Jack turns his head back to his end]

That would waste too much time, and time is what I don't have.

Scotsman

Sooo, ye think yer better than me cos yer in a hurry! Well, I'm in a hurry too! But, no, ya didn't think o' that, did ya? That I might be an equal! Nooo, ya just consider yerself superior right off! Yer rude.

You mistake my comment, sir.

Scotsman

Do I? Ye think I'm dumb, too?

No, I... Look, we are both in a hurry, so I shall hang from these planks and you may walk right over.

Scotsman

So ya get to peek up me kilt?

That is not what I am suggesting.

Scotsman

So ya say, ya plookie-face hing oot.

What did you call me?

[shackled to the Scotsman] The arrow relies on the bow, and the bow relies on the arrow, but they are not tied together.

Scotsman

That would be pointless now, wouldn't it?

I fear no man.

Scotsman

Ooohhh. That's some tough talk comin' from a guy who wears a basket on his head.

We are in no condition to fight these odds.

Scotsman

Especially not with a pajama wearin' daisy strapped to me wrist.

Scotsman

Are ye ready to give up yet?

I am not defeated, and I will hold my ground.

Scotsman

Hold your ground? Ye can barely stand, let alone hold your sword.

Then come get me.

Scotsman

Wha-? I... [struggles with his sword and gives up] Seeing as I'm a sportsman, I'll give ye a moment to recuperate.

Scotsman

[having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without me bonnie wife?

Samurai Jack

I suggest we waste no time crying then.

Scotsman

Aye.

Is your clan always that wild?

Scotsman

Aye, that's why I never stay at home. I'm the mellow one.

Scotsman

But lovely lump, the druid said...

The druid? Who listens to a man wearing an elk skull on his head?

Scotsman

But he-

Shut it!

Scotsman

Yes, dear.

Seems we must find an alternate way out.

Scotsman

Why?

The door is so very small and your wife is so very...

WHAT!?

Oop.

The Scotsman

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!! Don't squash him, muffin! He's a friend of mine!

The Scotsman

Is she a fast ship?

She's fast enough for you, Scotsman. Where ya headed?

The Scotsman

The Great Unknown.

Ooooooooooh...

Arr, that's the real trick, isn't it? And it's gonna cost ya. Ten thousand, in advance.

Like ten thousand? Dude, we could like almost buy our own ship for that. Dude, I know this guy...

Yeah... but who's gonna sail it, kid? You?

Well, like, yeah, I could. I worked on a boat before.

I am forever in your debt.

Scotsman

Ah, don't mention it. So how've you been?

[slips back into Brent's voice] Like, totally cool.

Scotsman

What?

A test of strength perhaps?

Scotsman

Oh, no, I remember last time. You cheated.

I do not cheat.

Scotsman

Perhaps not, but ya sure don't play by the rules!

My friend, you have done so much already. Allow me to honor your deeds. I shall row.

The Scotsman

Nice try, I'm drivin'.

Jump good.

Scotsman

Yeah, yeah.

Scotsman

Ya know what? This was a bad idea! Time to go, girls!

But, Dad-

Scotsman

No arguin'! Go! [his daughters hesitate, but begin running] I'll stall him while you escape.

Aku

Eh, better to make it a complete annihilation!

Scotsman

Hold it! Yer not goin' anywhere, ya big buffoon!

Aku

I'm sorry, old man. I think you are lost.

The Scotsman

I ain't lost, ye tree ogre! I might be old, but I've lived long enough to see the world rise up against your tyranny! Admit it, ya big oaf! Yer scared! The Samurai is still out there inspiring people by the thousands! After all these years, yer powerless against him! Ya been shiverin' like a wee baby hiding in your crib, afraid to show yourself 'cause ya know he's out there! And ye can't do anything about it! AH-HA-HA-HA! Yer just a big baby! Why don't ya go cry to your mama?!

No... Dad!

Aku

[smiles, but then scowls] Now why did he have to bring up the Samurai? Ugh!