Aku quotes from Samurai Jack

Boss

Come on out, Jackie.

Aku

Jackie?

Actually, it's Jack.

Aku

The Wolf attacked Little Red Hood, not knowing that Little Red Hood had LASER EYE BEAMS! [Little Red Hood zaps the Wolf with eye lasers] GREAT COMBAT SKILLS! [Little Red Hood bashes the Wolf back and forth] AND A POWERFUL UPPERCUT that freed Little Red's Grandmother from the evil bowels of the Wolf!

Mmmmmm, confectionery treats.

Aku

And so, Little Red Hood was VICTORIOUS!

[confused] But, those are three different stories.

Aku

WITH GREAT ENDINGS!

Aku

Once upon a time there was a house built from straw, wood, and brick. Where three innocent little pigs happily made their residence- until there was a knock at the door. It was Big, Bad Jack.

Little pig, little pig, open up and let me in!

Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chins.

Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'm coming in! Here's Jacky.

Aku!

Aku

Samurai fool! Your efforts are in vain again! [he grabs and seize the time portal] This gateway to the past is once more beyond your- [Jack jumps up high] reach? You can fly?!

No. Jump good! [Jack uses his sword to slash at a shocked Aku]

Aku

Congratulations, Imakandi! You are undoubtedly the greatest hunters of the universe. All that have preceded failed. But YOU...you have captured the one being who ran free in this world of mine.

Yes, truly this was our greatest hunt. And this samurai has proven himself as the mightiest and most elusive of prey.

Aku

Yes, yes, now please hand him to me.

No.

Aku

What?!

I cannot. A prey that has provided such an intense and noble hunt has earned its right to run free. It is the way of the Imakandi.

Aku

Insolent FOOLS! I will take what is mine!

No, you will NOT! [with that being said, the Imakandi disappear along with Jack in blue flames before Aku can grab them]

Aku

NO!

Aku

You have failed me Demongo.

No, Master. Please forgive me.

Aku

Hmmm... NO. [crushes him] Once again the saga continues.

Aku

[shocked the mystical sword didn't kill Jack like how he intended] HOW?! HOW?!

Even I had forgotten that the sword was forged in purity and strength. It can only be used for good. In the hands of evil, it can never harm an innocent. And so, Aku, it cannot harm me but it can harm you.

Aku

YOU! Thank you.

Young Emperor

No! My intention was to destroy you!

Aku

Oh? [laughs] But it was your poisoned arrow and your hocus pocus that set me free. [more laughter]

Aku

How can this be?

Young Emperor

This sword was forged from the strength and power of the human spirit. It represents all that is good. Its purpose is to destroy you.

Aku

Bah!

Aku

Yes, chamberlain, what pitiable persons have you brought before my all-enshrouding Aku-ishness?

Trespassers who invaded the wasteland shore without proper clearance and tariffs, my lord.

Aku

Hmm... Well, what have you to say for yourselves?

Great lord, Aku, I am Verbina, princess of the Lebidopterins. My brother, Astor, and our assistant, Chitron 6.

Salutations, oh most majestic one! I must say it's an honor! [Astor elbows the android to keep him quiet]

We humbly beg your forgiveness for our trespass. We meant no offense and certainly no conspiracy. We are on an urgent mission. For our homeworld, Chrystallis, is under attack. Our ancient enemies, the vile Squoomians, have returned from the depths to lay siege on our capital! [while the alien princess talks, Jack flashes back to the traumatic past of how Aku laid siege on his father's kingdom during his childhood] As the palace burned, our parents sent us into space with orders to recall our star navy and bring them home to repel this heinous attack. But our ship was damaged and forced us to land. Again, we appealed to you, most wise and powerful one. We ask only time enough to repair our ship, so that we may depart and trouble you no more, o gracious Aku.

You can't do that! These are royal heirs to the throne of Chrystalis. You can't just-

Chitron!

Aku

Oh, I certainly can! I am Aku! This world is Aku and everything in it is Aku! Now, shoo these moths away!

You beast! You devil! VILLAIN!!

Aku!

Aku

[dryly] Yes, it is I, Samurai Jack. [rolls his eyes] How incredibly observant you are.

Aku

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's gonna happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like "I'LL BE BACK, SAMURAI!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon, and we probably won't see each other for about a week. And then we'll do the same thing all over again.

Your wordplay will not trick me, villain! [he goes to attack Aku]

Aku

No, wait! [Aku transforms into a bat and flutters away over the horizon] I'LL BE BACK AGAIN, SAMURAI! YOU'LL SEE! [laughs evilly, then reappears in front of Jack] See what I mean?

That pillar did not move by itself, Aku!

Aku

YES, IT DID!

One, no superhuman powers. Two, no evil minions to assist you. And three, no shapeshifting. You come in human form.

Aku

Hey, that was four things.

The last one was a two-parter.