Royal Rumble Season 1 quotes

Hey, Dudleys! What is it with you guys and championship matches? I mean, we whipped your ass at Armageddon, we kicked your asses all over Raw, we're about to beat your asses again tonight! I mean, you guys are the biggest three-time losers since the Philadelphia Eagles!

Ladies and gentlemen, as both men were unable to answer at the count of ten, the referee has declared that Triple H is still the World Heavyweight Champion!

Randy Orton needs to make hay while the sun is shining, so to speak.

What the hell does that mean, JR? I'm from Brooklyn.

[after Ernest "The Cat Miller is eliminated, having spent his entire stay dancing in the ring to "Somebody Call My Mama"] Good, enough of the dancing. I'm sick of the dancing.

Well, we're back down to where we started. We'll continue the wrestling portion of the Royal Rumble match.

Somebody better call his mama. Call him a taxi to the hotel.

Cat's got plenty of time to call his mama.

[as Cena notices Nunzio laying low by the barrier] I think Nunzio's tenure in the Witness Protection Program has just come to an abrupt end.

[Benoit, on the apron, has a headlock on the Big Show] Benoit's a-holding, and holding, he's holding! [Benoit takes the Big Show off his feet and slowly, but surely, tips him over the top rope] The Big Show's teetering! The Big Show's teetering! Can Benoit--

Oh my God! Oh my God! He's gonna go! JR!

THE BIG SHOW-

Can he do it? Hang on, Show!

SHOW IS TEETERING!

Hang on, Show!

BENOIT'S HOLDING ON!

[Benoit finally throws Big Show out, winning the Rumble] WOWWWWWWWWW!

YES! BENOIT!!! BENOIT HAS DONE IT!

Here is your winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match: Chris Benoit!

Benoit's going to WrestleMania, JR, and he's getting a title shot.

Chris Benoit, for over one hour of hell, has won the Royal Rumble match before 17,289 fans! And yes, Chris Benoit's dream to headline WrestleMania has come true!

Chris Benoit has worked has ass off for 19 years, and the day has come!

What the hell kind of championship match do you call that, where you have a hundred people interfering?

What are you talking about? Like your World Championship match isn't gonna have a ton of interference. Everyone knows that Evolution's gonna get involved. Batista...you can even ask him; he can tell you that.

Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do...

[having drawn] I just came here to get my number.

What I'm gonna do...

What are you gonna do?

Raw's Championship match—Evolution is banned from ringside.

Really?

Is that right?

That's right, Batista, and my decision is final. The only question is, do you wanna tell Triple H, or would you like me to?

[thinking about it, then smiling] No, I'll tell him.

[to Eric, as Batista leaves] You know something? For once, you've done something right.

If Amy looks good sober, can you imagine what she's gonna look like after this bottle?!

What's gonna happen at No Way Out, you will face the man that you did not pin tonight—The Big Show.

What's he gonna do, eat me? What's he gonna do? I don't care if he's from the Jurassic Age, the Triassic Age or the Chevy Classic Age; I'm gonna beat the Big Show like he's gonna eat a pizza!

Just a minute.

What? [Long offers hand. Eddie shakes] Olare, Holmes you know I love you man. I gotta get me some skin -

Eddie, [stops him] Eddie!! [still extends hand] Give it up, dawg. [Eddie gives Long a wallet. It turns out to be Flair's]

[to Flair] Hey isn't that your wallet?

[as Teddy gives back his wallet] What?!! My wallet? My wallet! [tries to rush Eddie but Long restrains him]

What are you looking at? You're lucky that's all I took, you got watch who you're hugging!

[to Long] That wallet thief's over there!! You call him when I get there.

You're a dead man, Guerrero!

Sorry about the confusion. [leaves]

You better run. It's Evolution's night! We're gonna show everybody it's our night!

Severe weather alert: The Hurricane has passed through.

[on entry #14: Muhammad Hassan] Unfortunately, this man is from Raw.

You proud of this guy, JR?

I am not.

You can keep him on Raw, I'll tell you that right now.

I'll make you a trade.

What the hell is Simon Dean doing?

I have no idea. Your Raw guys are...I don't know what the hell they're doing playing games, with all respect.

He's as goofy as a pet coon, I can tell you that right now. Look at him. He's warming up. He had all damn day to warm up! Get in the ring, you idiot! Mysterio taking out Eddie Guerrero face-first.

[laughing] Dude's doing Hindu squats outside of the ring. [Edge eliminates Eddie Guerrero] Oh, damn it to Hell! You gotta be kidding.

Eddie Guerrero eliminated. Edge eliminating Eddie Guerrero.

That's your fault! That's Raw's fault, because this guy on the outside's doing squats and he distracted Guerrero!

[as Simon Dean gets in the ring] I hope somebody eliminates Simon Dean, like, immediately. Right now.

Me too.

John Doan could've eliminated him for all I care!

[on entry #21: Jonathan Coachman] Tell me, JR, that he deserves to be in the Rumble.

I can't.

Well, look at the arms on him. Last time I saw arms like that, they were hanging out of a nest. Give me a break, this guy's not a superstar.

Don't get mad at me about it, I didn't put him in.

I'm mad at everybody!

Bischoff put him in.

That's true.

Look at Coach taking his time. He's got...just so you know who he is, you ever wonder, just look at his ass—it's got "Coach" written all over it.

[as Batista hoists Cena up] Can you say Batista Bomb?

No, no, no!

My God, they both went out!

Wait, I don't know what I want. [Both sets of referees debate] Wait, who touched first?

Batista wins it!

What?! No, wait a minute.

Jack Doan is calling...Referee Jack Doan has raised Batista's hand. [Batista rolls back into the ring, followed by Cena and referee Jim Korderas] Both men went over the top rope, both men's feet obviously touched the floor.

Wait, hold on, JR, I think...[Korderas raises Cena's hand] No, Cena won! [Back-and-forth, the Raw referees raise Batista's hand, and the SmackDown refs Cena's] No, no, no, no, no...

Two Raw referees hold Batista's hand up...

What the Hell?!?

We've got a major malfunction in the junction here. We've got two winners of the Royal Rumble, or do we?