Royal Rumble quotes

[#25 is Barry Horowitz] It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Barry Horriblewitz.

Call him what you will. Barry Horowitz could very well win this thing—anyone can win.

If a nerd ends up at WrestleMania and gets the World Wrestling Federation Champion, I'm getting back in the ring.

Almost anyone would do anything to win this year's Royal Rumble matchup.

If Horowitz wins this match, I quit. You'll never see me again.

[as Diesel clotheslines Kama out of the ring, eliminating him] It's gonna be Diesel, no doubt about it.

Kama eliminated! It's Diesel, it's Michaels...

NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! TWO YEARS IN A ROW! That's impossible, McMahon! Impossible!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

[over announcement] Shawn Michaels is going to WrestleMania!

How does he do that?!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bret "Hitman" Hart has been disqualified...

Aw, come on.

[cont'd] ...as a result of outside interference by Diesel. Therefore, the winner of this match: the Undertaker!

Diesel coming in, blatantly interfering; the Undertaker wants the WWF Championship around his waist. [On Diesel] Look at that steely cold look on the face.

However, the World Wrestling Federation Championship can not change hands on a disqualification.

Oh, boy.

[as Diesel cracks a little smile] And no one knows that better than that man right there.

Yes, that look says it all.

It does, the Undertaker... [Diesel gives the Undertaker the finger] Wait, look what Diesel just did!

Oh, come on!

The Undertaker had piledrived Bret Hart!

He had him beat!

But you'll never know whether or not Bret would've been pinned by the Undertaker.

Of course he'd have been pinned!

[to HHH] Come on, you piece of shit!

I've been sitting here counting, I'm up to about 54. Why doesn't the referee count Goldust out?

Why don't you ask these questions to Monsoon? He's in charge of the officials. We can't answer those questions, King.

Maybe it's because you would want to be assigned as a guest referee on occasion.

That'd be a good idea.

Yeah, you're right. I'd have already disqualified Goldust.

You'd be the Red Cashion of the WWF.

What? Who?

[as Ahmed Johnson scoops Crush out of the ring] Taking it to Crush, and throwing him out. He's gone! Crush is gone!

Feet didn't hit, did they?

You're right.

That's why the referees are on the outside. No reason for them to be on the inside of the ring.

Both feet- [Johnson leaves the ring (going over the top rope and eliminating himself in the process) to attack Faarooq] wait a minute, wait a minute, Ahmed just eliminated himself! There's Faarooq! Ahmed going after Faarooq! Ahmed eliminated himself, and Crush is in the ring all alone!

He is an idiot.

[Austin eliminates Bart Gunn] The first time Bart held on, the second time he couldn't. And once again, Stone Cold Steve Austin is picking 'em off one at a time.

[as Austin, all by himself, does push-ups in the ring] Look at this. Please.

And he's telling us all he's in great shape. He's in fightin' shape.

He's in great condition, all right.

I'm sure he's been in a few barroom brawls.

[Austin now sits on the top corner] Look at this, patiently awaiting the next individual to come out. You talk about a man with a nasty temperament. [Austin looks at his wrist like a watch] Well, his watch is working as well as ours.

[#13 is Owen Hart] Oh, no, it's Bret Hart's "stinking rotten" brother, as Bret would say...

What?!

...Owen Hart.

You mean the whiner? He whines about everything.

Listen to you guys, he's a Slammy Award winner!

[as Bulldog attempts to eliminate Austin] Austin's going for the ride!

Yes!

Hey, wait a minute.

I think that was Owen who eliminated Bulldog.

[as Owen and Bulldog argue] Owen Hart trying to... the Bulldog is angry.

Bulldog just called Owen an idiot!

They're tag team partners, they're Tag Team Champions!

They're brother-in-laws!

He flipped me out!

So what, you whiner. It's every man for himself.

I understand that, although Owen was professing that it was an accident. He was...

Probably was.

...attempting to get Stone Cold Steve Austin out.

Owen hasn't told the truth since the King was a prince.

Oh listen to you now.

[on #20, "Double J" Jesse James] The guy's a promising young singer, I wish he'd promise to stop singing.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, and you gotta get credit where it's due. You may not like Stone Cold, you may not like his attitude, but Austin is a competitor.

While these 60,000+ fans I'm assuming appreciate Austin's intensity, they certainly do not appreciate his attitude.

Who will be next? Who will face Stone Cold Steve Austin in less than ten seconds?

The quicker he can eliminate them, the more time he has to rest. [Time expires; #21 is Bret Hart. Austin is shocked at Bret's music.] Uh-oh.

YES! YES! YES!

Watch this. [Time expires, and Jerry Lawler's music plays, revealing that he is #22] Oh, yeah! Hey, McMahon, watch this, baby!

I can't believe it! You are in it!

[removing his jacket and headset] I said it once, and I'll say it again—it takes a king!

Jerry "The King" Lawler sneaking up behind the Hitman Bret Hart!

I think we just saw a record broken! I think Lawler has just broken the record!

I think you just said it takes a king...

[putting headset back on] To know a king, McMahon! I told you!

Told us what?

It takes a king to know a king!

Bret Hart thought this morning, when I talked to him on Superstars, that he shouldn't even have to be in this matchup, that he should've come into the Royal Rumble as the WWF Champion.

He shouldn't have even been in this matchup!

That's what I just said.

Not because he should be the champion, it's because he shouldn't even be in the WWF! He's a jerk!