""Darlene: Knock it off, you little twerp
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Darlene is playng with trick handcuffs]
You know, Darlene, I have the feeling that you're going to have an even nicer pair of those someday.
[ D.J. comes in the Conner's garage with hair clips in his hair ]
How do I look Dad?
Beautiful.
Guys aren't supposed to look beautiful!
Damn beautiful.
That's better!
I wonder what people did before television.
They made dolls out of corn cobs and stared at fire.
I had this recurring dream in broad daylight. I had this mug with a little airplane design on it, and every time I'd drink from it, the engine would start up, and it would get closer, and I swear this is true, the propeller went up my nose.
You're scary.
Will everybody stop talking about nightmares? I didn't have a nightmare!
If you didn't have a nightmare, then why'd you have trouble goin' to sleep?
Were you worried about your basketball game?
No, I wasn't worried about my basketball game.
Did you screw up in history again Darlene?
No, I didn't screw up in history again.
Well then, what is the matter?
I got my period! Okay?
Jackie (to Roseanne): So what's going on?
Darlene got her period last night.
No kidding? She's only 11.
I was 11 when I got my period.
Yeah, but you were already wearing a D-cup.
Yeah, two of them.
The poor kid's just been sentenced to 45 years of monthly inconvenience.
Gee Jackie, I hope I can find a way to pass that enlightened wisdom on to my daughter.
You will, just tell her about all those famous athletic women types, and how they all get their periods too.
(Roseanne and Jackie recall how their mother dealt with their first periods)
What about when she brought home pamphlets from the Red Cross?
For two weeks, I thought what I had was a natural disaster.
Mom, Darlene and DJ are killing each other out there.
What's the bad news?
(to Becky) We gotta wait for your dad to park the car. Then we gotta hear the Epic Saga.
Dad, I need money.
No, she doesn't!
Go suck on a loafer. C'mon Dad, Mom won't gimme any!
She probably has a good reason.
No, just cheapness.
There's no way I'm spending my Saturday sitting in a shoe store waiting to be waited on with 50 other guys who are waiting to be waited on. I ain't buying shoes. That's it. End of discussion.
And get a couple of extra pairs of laces too.
Ya know, I love malls...you can live, die, and learn to play the organ, all under one roof!
(sulking) I'm never eating again.
Okay, but you're still doing the dishes.
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