It is only a stupid fortune cookie. I should listen to Rocko more often.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
And mine says "bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity". [he opens multiple fortune cookies and they all say the same thing] They all say the same thing! No matter what I do, the fortune is always the same! I'll never win Mega-Spin.
O-kay! So Betty wakes up and says "Oh, what a beautiful day". And then the telephone...
Or doorbell!
Or doorbell ringing, and she answers it and says "Hello?" And then the salami...
Or cheese!
[getting angry] Or cheese says "I hate bologna" and attacks her through the phone before belching while all the stuff comes out of his mouth while we hold on him for a long time! [He struggles to contain his anger] Okey-dokey? So... then... she walks up to the counter, and...
HOLD IT!
[furious] WHAT?!
Hmm... y'know, I was thinkin'...
[at the limits of his patience] Yes?!
...Do we really need the cheese at all?
Why, you big stupid cow.
What? What'd I say?
Why do you torment me like this?
I'd probably do now!
Just let me do it the way I want it!
[voicing Mr. Cheese] I am the cheese! I am the best character on this show! I am better than both the salami and the bologna combined!
HERE'S A TICKET FOR YOU... AND A TICKET FOR YOU... AND TICKETS FOR EVERYBODY! Now we can all GO!
[as a pirate, using a pseudo-Swedish accent] I'll be taking that map from yew.
[sleepwalking, as a pirate] Good gads. What sort of accent is that?
[sleepwalking; as a pirate] Poop the deck and waffle me winky.
MR. BIGHEAD, WOULD YOU PLEASE BE QUIET?!
Hey, fellas?
HRHeffer and Rocko
You're nauseous.
Right. [vomits offscreen]
[repeated line] Yes, Granny Rocko.
[imitating Rocko] "Hey, look, fellas! I'm in jail! Heh heh..."
Oh, come on, Filburt.
Back off, Peter Cottontail! You're the reason we're in this mess!
HDr. Hutchinson
Hi honey, how are you? Oh, my babies!
GSGilbert, Shellbert and Missy
[first words] Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...
[The egg breaks, revealing there are four babies including a steer cow with glasses, turtle twins with glasses and a yellow cat]
Oh, Rocko. Aren't they cute?
HDr. Hutchinson
Come to mommy. Oh, my little ones.
Oh, I'm so happy for you, Filburt!
Not now, I fainted.
HDr. Hutchinson
No, you haven't. You're still conscious.
Oh, but I have.
[Norbert then walks over to the two]
HDr. Hutchinson
But your eyes are open, Silly.
Oh, what do you know?
Go away.
HDr. Hutchinson
Oh, Daddy's just playing. He didn't faint at all.
Oh, yes I did.
[Hutchinson then kisses Filburt as the camera irises out on them; during the end, in the black screen is Norbert following Rocko]
No, no. Go away. [he leaves as Norbert follows him] Go home.
DDJ
Okay, all skate.
Try not to flail so much.
DDJ
Now backwards.
Be the skates, Rock.
DDJ
Skate on your hands.
Try to get all five of your stomachs evenly distributed over the skates.
DDJ
Skate on your nose.
Put your nose... [muffled]
DDJ
Skate all willy-nilly like an idiot.
[imitating Rocko's skating] Now you're getting it, Rocko!
Can you see anything, Heffer?
Just the back of a bunch of heads. How about you, Rocko?
Naw, looks like a forest of ankles down here. Filburt?
[looking at someone's butt crack] I've got a bird's eye view of the Grand Canyon.
[During the end of the episode, Heffer is a wedgie boy and the scene cuts to the "The End" screen]
"The End!" Get it?! "The End"?! [laughs] No "butts" about it!
Filburt, it's only a bird wig!
[offended] Only a bird wig?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rocko's Modern Life pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.