Heffer quotes from Rocko's Modern Life

Heffer

[upset] I guess no one loves me. [wailing; blows his nose]

Heffer

[imitating Alfred Hitchcock, puffs out chest] Good evening. Tonight's selection is a chilling tale of mayhem, shrubbery, and a wallaby who knew too much. So without further ado, we bring you... [normal voice] Just a second. [runs backstage to open the curtains, back to Hitchcock voice] "Ed is Dead".

Heffer

[repeated line] Yes, Granny Rocko.

Heffer

"The End!" Get it?! "The End"?! [laughs] No "butts" about it!

Heffer

That was a hoot!

Rocko

I must cease this senseless sucking. It's stuck in suck!

"How to turn off your Suck-o-Matic..." [the page gets sucked up, and the page that reads...] ..."In case Suck-o-Matic sucks instructions, see page 101..." [another page gets ripped and is sucked, a page shows a skull on fire] "PREPARE TO DIE"?! [Rocko, Heffer and Spunky scream as eyes bulge in horror]

Rocko

Hef, we're mates, right?

Heffer

Is this about the money I owe you?

Rocko

Well-

Heffer

Hey! [points] What's going on over at the sewer treatment plant?

Rocko

It's a carnival.

Heffer

You know for a second there I thought those carny games were rigged.

Rocko

Not everyone is out to rip you off.

Heffer

You have to learn to trust people.

Heffer, sit down and talk to me. I'm still your father.

Heffer

[sharply and devastated] You're not my father! You're just a jerk in wolf's clothing! [dashes out of the front door, running away, bawling]

Rocko

Well, I'm stuffed. [chuckles]

Heffer

I couldn't help myself. When I found out you were gonna lose everything, I went out and got the last one!

Rocko

Heffer, you're a pal! But wait, you don't have any money. Hey! You didn't use credit, did you?

Heffer

Heck, no. Only an idiot would use credit. I used this! [pulls out a card]

Rocko

[reading card] "The All Scottish Show Organ Exchange Program"?

Heffer

I sold my second stomach for cash!

Heffer

Ooh... buttons!

Rocko

Heffer, no, not that one!

Rocko

That one must be broken.

Heffer

Wait a minute. "Heck"? Isn't it supposed to be-

[covers Heffer's mouth] Censors.

Rocko

[stiltedly] Hey, Heffer, how can we possibly fix this mess quickly and inexpensively?

Heffer

[also stiltedly] Good question, Rocko! Why don't we try new Tropical Plumber?

Tropical plumber, eh!

Heffer

I got all the essentials: Marshmallows, potato chips, Pasture Puffies, cheese...

Rocko

Where's your sleeping bag?

Heffer

What?! There's no beds?!

Rocko

This is where the lightweights camp! Sissies, fat tourists, and couch potatoes!

Heffer

Great! So we can drop our stuff here?