Ah, the great outdoors. Smell that mountain air, boys.
Actually, that's my pine-scented air freshener for the tent.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
This is where the lightweights camp! Sissies, fat tourists, and couch potatoes!
Great! So we can drop our stuff here?
We can't drink that water!
Why not?
Fish are dating in it!
NNewscaster
We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to give you this O-Town special report. A crazed turtle has just hijacked the Jolly Roberts seafood restaurant in the marina.
RHRocko and Heffer
What the?
NNewscaster
Witnesses say the alleged turtle kept screaming... [looking at his script] "Fish... sticks... fish sticks," as he forced patrons out the backdoor to safety.
EEyewitness
It was awful. Awful. He was CRAZY! Tartar sauce everywhere! Craziest turtle I ever seen! FISH STICKS! FISH STICKS! AHH!
RHRocko and Heffer
Filburt!
GGeorge
[rebuking Heffer after he accidentally wrecked the car] Well, boy, good thing you got the body of a tank. But the car didn't fair too well when you went through it. [shouting] WHY WEREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR SEAT BELT?!
VVirginia
Now, dear, let's not lose our temper.
GGeorge
[holds up his hand in front of her, halting her] You're not gonna cuddle him this time, Virginia. He has to pay for the repairs on the car!
Me? On my allowance?
GGeorge
No, I guess you couldn't on your allowance. SO GET A JOB!
[begging] No, Dad, not that. [grabs him by the ankle] Please!
GGeorge
[looking away] Don't make me chew your hands off.
Well, Heff, how's it look?
Paper or plastic?
VVirginia
I'm taking my ball and going home. You won't have Virginia Wolfe to kick around anymore!
Bye, Mom!
Fine! We'll be able to win without you! Right, girls? Girls?
TBTammy and Bev Bighead
Get a life, Ed!
TTammy
You've taken all the joy out of the game.
This is mutiny!
TTammy
If you want that trophy so bad, Bozo, finish the game yourself!
I don't need any of you.
FFlecko
Wait... Wait a minute, big guy. You don't wanna do that. I got kids. Millions of 'em. They'll be orphans. Never getting to play catch with old Dad. No one to tuck 'em in at night. Please, Mister!
[sobbing, in a puddle of tears] Please, please, stop. I can't take anymore. You're free to go, Mr. Fly. Run along and take care of your family.
[Flecko pokes Rocko in the eye.]
FFlecko
You were gonna kill me, ya big jerk!
If this is Big Land, how come you're so small?
TTyrone
Sometimes, big things come in small packages, kid. Being big ain't all it's cracked up to be.
Being short's no picnic, either. I wish I was really big.
TTyrone
[taps his wand on Rocko's head, granting his wish] Done. [poofs away]
[starts growing and becomes as big as a skyscraper] Wow! This is great. [looks down at Spunky, quivering in fear of his humongous size] Don't be afraid, Spunky. It's only me. [picks up him and puts him in his shirt pocket] There you go, my little pal. Smell that fresh air.
Hey, guys. [gestures to Rocko's glasses] New glasses?
Rocko's feeling a little down about his new eyewear. Maybe you can give him a pep talk.
Don't worry, Rocko. Glasses aren't so bad. Aside from the fact that people call you names like, "four-eyes." Girls won't go out with ya. You're ostracized by every social group. You can't swim with 'em. If ya lose 'em, ya can't find 'em! Oh, fishsticks. I've depressed myself. I have to go lie down.
MRMother Rabbit
Well, aren't we scary? Wait a minute. You've been here already!
What?! No, I haven't!
MRMother Rabbit
Oh, yes, you have!
But, but...
MRMother Rabbit
Shame on you!
[slams door]
You went out already?
No! She's crazy!
[Cut to Really Really Big Man dressed as Rocko whistling the theme song.]
[imitating Alfred Hitchcock, puffs out chest] Good evening. Tonight's selection is a chilling tale of mayhem, shrubbery, and a wallaby who knew too much. So without further ado, we bring you... [normal voice] Just a second. [runs backstage to open the curtains, back to Hitchcock voice] "Ed is Dead".
Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
It was the least we can do.
[as Filburt gives her flowers] Won't you come in?
[The trio went with Bev and the bed is a stressful, not-up, Ed Bighead]
Did he go peacefully?
Yes, he just kind of drifted off and that was it.
He looks all warm and sticky.
Oh Ed, You were so convinced that you were old that you wished yourself to death. [cries]
Well, no sense In dragging this out, let's get to the good part.
[about to lift up the bed] One... two... three... LIFT! [lifts up the mattress and Ed slides down and falls into the trash can]
And now, for the appropriate dirge.
[Bev starts crying uncontrollably as Heffer, Filburt, Rocko and she walk outside]
HFHeffer and Filburt
[sings the wedding march while Bev continues crying] Da dum da-dum! Da da-da-dum!
[takes off his hat] We have gathered here today to pay our last week's day to our beloved Ed Bighead, wasted away his entire life worrying about how old he was. Heffer, the lid. [Heffer holds up the lid to the trash can and puts the lid in the trash can] Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. We stick Ed Bighead in the Earth's crust.
[Heffer kicks the trash can with Ed Bighead in it to the hole that was dug up, making the latter groan in pain while Rocko, Heffer, Filburt and Bev cry wildly together]
RHRocko, Heffer, Filburt and Bev Bighead
[start sobbing wildly] WA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
[Heffer and Filburt are about to film Rocko walking downstairs in the night for a glass of milk]
And he ain't dressed for the occasion, if you know what I mean.
You heard right! He's completely naked!
With no clothes on!
My living room, it's a bathroom. My closet is a bathroom. My basement is a bathroom! My ballroom is a bathroom! Even my bathroom is a bathroom! Well, I guess that's okay. THERE'S TOO MANY BATHROOMS!
BBucky
Too many bathrooms? What do you mean? You can never have too many bathrooms.
[enraged] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU WACKO!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rocko's Modern Life pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.