Rocko's Modern Life · Season 1
I had it with you, you're a useless and pathetic like a USELESS AND PATHETIC thing, this is the last straw you Good for nothing heap of rubbish! [holds up a hammer and starts hitting the suk-u-lox] Prepare to FEEL MY WRATH! [Spunky gets afraid] That will teach you!
Hey man, keep it down. I'm trying to watch TV.
I must cease this senseless sucking. It's stuck in suck!
"How to turn off your Suck-o-Matic..." [the page gets sucked up, and the page that reads...] ..."In case Suck-o-Matic sucks instructions, see page 101..." [another page gets ripped and is sucked, a page shows a skull on fire] "PREPARE TO DIE"?! [Rocko, Heffer and Spunky scream as eyes bulge in horror]
The problem with the comic books is the ink comes off on your hands. Everytime you turn a page, you have to wash your hands. You turn a page, you wash your hands. You turn a page, you wash your hands. And then you turn a page...
[The speaker starts coughing on Rocko]
Rocko, to the... [coughs] ...Manager's Office. [then it finishes coughing]
They've hurt very much and, um, I'm constantly in a state of wanting to throw up.
You'll never be satisfied with a mortal woman because the elf wenches are so beautiful You'll spend the rest of your life searching for that same beauty again. [sniffs] Yes.
Wow, you're an idiot.
Hef, we're mates, right?
Is this about the money I owe you?
Well-
Hey! [points] What's going on over at the sewer treatment plant?
It's a carnival.
You know for a second there I thought those carny games were rigged.
Not everyone is out to rip you off.
You have to learn to trust people.
Spunky, well, I guess we better find a hose to wash off.
[A flock of seagulls floats down and eats the food that Rocko and Spunky are buried in, inadvertently biting them as well.]
Or maybe just some iodine.
And your total is... [the cash register shows "$1.50"]
Phew!
[Then the total suddenly increases]
One hundred and fifty dollars. Gee, looks like you just missed a big sale. Have a nice day.
[snarls and gets bombs in his eyes, enraged and loses it] You CHEAP LITTLE ROTTER! I've been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your Gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very large woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death, and I still beat the 12:00 deadline! So if you don't change that total back to $1.50, I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!
Heffer, sit down and talk to me. I'm still your father.
[sharply and devastated] You're not my father! You're just a jerk in wolf's clothing! [dashes out of the front door, running away, bawling]
[The Wolfe family glares annoyingly at Rocko]
Well, I'm stuffed. [chuckles]
[upset] I guess no one loves me. [wailing; blows his nose]
[gets hit by Cupid's arrow; seductively] Bev...
Yes, Ed...
We're almost out of mouthwash.
[Rocko's couch suddenly comes to life to avoid being slept on by Heffer's humungous body; the couch lashes angrily at Heffer]
Now listen here, tanker tush! You can park your thunder cheeks in someone else's face 'cause I deserve better than this! [rushes out of the front door] SAY-O-NA-RA, BUTTERBALL!
[Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]
Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that weirdo next door is up to?
Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.
But, Bev! They're, well... Nude!
[Bev grabs the binoculars]
Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Oh, yes! This is disgusting! Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!
I couldn't help myself. When I found out you were gonna lose everything, I went out and got the last one!
Heffer, you're a pal! But wait, you don't have any money. Hey! You didn't use credit, did you?
Heck, no. Only an idiot would use credit. I used this! [pulls out a card]
[reading card] "The All Scottish Show Organ Exchange Program"?
I sold my second stomach for cash!
Ooh... buttons!
[Heffer pushes one button and it ends up freezing Rocko. He pushes another button and it heats Rocko making him sweat. He is about to push another one.]
Heffer, no, not that one!
[Heffer pushes the attendant button and it ends up ejecting the copilot]
That one must be broken.
No need to be alarmed, we have temporarily lost power to our right engine. [both wings are broken off by mountains] Oops.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rocko's Modern Life pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
