Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It's just a joke.
I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- [stammers] Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.
Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.
Not a one of us.
Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
You don't have a cool reputation.
[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing] Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!
Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
[sobbing] AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
Yeah, we heard about that. [outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by] It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! [Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it] It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… [Rock and Paper both sulk] Or Rock's.
[sniffs an unpleasant smell] What is that smell?
[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around] I think it's Rock.
Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
[waving his hand; dismissively] Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
No, do it now.
I'll do it really soon.
DDian
I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. [flashback shows multiple episodes from the past] The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?
See, Paper? It was your fault the whole time.
[throws Scissors in a dumpster] There. I took out the trash.
Now that’s a season finale.
You wanna go home?
Why? Because you think I can't handle 3rd grade?
No, because I do not care about this.
Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get one "A"?
Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
Well, I'll show you, Scissors! I will get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top!
[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets] Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! [activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]
RSRock & Scissors
Whoa! [they then turn into Minecraft style] Whoa!
Well, I bet you're loving this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]
Again, I do not care.
And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]
Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do you know quantum mechanics?
Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.
Lou, are you okay?!
I saw my life flash before my eyes! So much yelling and rent raising, but a lot of bad things too!
CCatalina
[vengefully] I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
Not if I take you down first.
CCatalina
How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
And you have the face of the dead!
CCatalina
I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
I HATE YOU MORE!
[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]
CCatalina
Anyway, you're the worst.
Yeah, uh… same to you.
What is happening with them?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rock Paper Scissors pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.