[The Fool is entertaining the Sheriff, Gisborne and others]
FFool
"Richard the Lionheart", they call him! Now, going into battle in a foreign land, it's not the heart of a lion you want, is it? Since when did a heart hurt anybody?! Come on, then! Come on! I’ve got the heart of a lion! You can imagine the Saracens translating that, can't you? "He's got the what of a lion?!" The teeth? The jaws? The claws? Nooooo! The heart! Richard the Lionclaw, "Jerusalem's yours, come in, sit down, help yourself!" Lionheart?!
[to Gisborne] He's good. Very good.
FFool
Forget about it! It's no wonder it’s taking so long over there, is it? [Laughter. The Sheriff laughs and Gisborne smiles] Mind you, mind you... It's better than his brother, isn't it? Prince John. [deadly silence] What's Prince John doing? Sitting at home? Heart of a dormouse?
[Two soldiers seize the Fool]
[angrily] Prince John is a friend of mine.
FFool
[freeing himself] It's a joke! It's what I do! I do other things. Let's try some soothsaying. [to a guard who has a hold of him] Sit down! [He makes the guard sit] Sit down! [The guard stands up again] I'll make some predictions, and then I'll make them come true. Someone in this room will bare their buttocks to the Sheriff tonight!
TAKE THAT MAN TO THE DUNGEONS NOW!!!
FFool
[As the soldiers seize him again and start dragging him away] Look, hang on! Prediction two: Sir Guy's joint will rise from the dead!
What's that supposed to mean?
FFool
Your woodcock, Sir Guy. I can bring it back to life.
[The guards start dragging him away]
FFool
You'll like my third prediction, it's about Prince John. One day, Prince John will be King of England!
FFool
But did you know that there's something in Nottingham that can stop him?
[The Fool puts his legs around the beam]
What is "Lardner's Ring"?
FFool
Well, let me go and I'll tell you.
[to the soldiers] Lock him in the cellar overnight. Flog him in the morning. And then he'll tell us! Now that really is funny!
[The Sheriff and others roar with laughter; Gisborne smiles]
FFool
You should listen to me, I know what I'm talking about!
[As he is being dragged away, The Fool's legs are still wrapped around the beam, causing his trousers to fall down]
FFool
Ah! The first prediction! I told you, and the others will follow. Beware the power of Lardner's Ring!
[The Fool smiles as he is dragged out of the room]
Back home, my uncle had a friend - the Sultan's official pigeon handler.
It's a very important job, Much!
[Much looks down, Little John gives him a look]
The Sultan's best pigeon - the smallest and quickest - was a pigeon called La Denah.
[Scene transitions to the Fool also talking about Lardner to the Sheriff with Will, Allan and Gisborne present]
FFool
The Saracens use pigeons to carry messages. They place the message around a little ring connected to the bird's foot. They let it go and it flies off. And it doesn't matter how far away you release it, because it will [He emphasises the following words] always find it's way home.
[Scene transitions to Djaq and the gang]
But it's not home that their searching for...it's their mate. You split the two of them up and a pigeon would fly to the ends of the Earth faster and straighter than any man ever could...just to be with the one they love.
So, we could get a message to King Richard halfway around the world in no time at all.
My question is: Why is King Richard using the Sultan's best pigeon?
Well maybe they formed an alliance or something.
Or King Richard and his army have helped themselves. If they've got La Denah, they've got the Sultan. And if they've got the Sultan...they've got everyone.
[Whispering to Robin] We have to go back to the tree.
[The Fool takes the key off of Allan's belt and hugs his leg, so he won't notice]
FFool
Please! Have mercy! Don't let them do this to me!
[Allan moves the Fool off him]
[Allan looks down and notices that the Fool has taken they key and looks back at the Fool]
FFool
I don't do tragedy, I do comedy.
Well watching you swing'll be comedy.
[Allan slaps the Fool]
[The Sheriff and Gisborne leave and Allan follows]
[The Fool who has his eyes closed and head back after Allan has hit him, opens his hand to Will, showing the key. Will looks over to Allan and Allan looks back at Will then leaves]
[Djaq, Little John and Much are thinking of what to write to King Richard, with Djaq writing]
Lardner's a pigeon not an eagle. More words, more weight.
It's one word! Same as now.
[Later]
Right. "Your Majesty, no reinforcements. Prince John plans to steal your throne."
Plots. Plots is a better word.
"Your Majesty, no reinforcements. Prince John plots to steal your throne. Come home...now." Short, sharp and to the point.
I'll add "Make peace" before "Come home". "Make peace immediately".
Ah...I do like immediately.
[The Fool appears]
FFool
You need more emotion.
[Much, Djaq and Little John raise their weapons towards The Fool]
FFool
And alliterate - alliteration makes it much more memorable.
FFool
I appear, I disappear, it's what I do.
[Will arrives in a guards' uniform and as he speaks, he removes the "mask"]
[They unsheathe their weapons]
I thought you were caught.
FFool
Madam, manacles are mere mist for me and my... [He looks at Will] my mate.
[Will looks back at him]
Have you heard about the pigeon?
Yeah. Robin and Marian have gone back to the tree to get it.
Yeah, well, so has the Sheriff and Gisborne. They've got them surrounded in that tree.
What have I got to be cheery about?
Well we've got a visitor.
[Robin notices the Fool]
[Will unveils Lardner from is sleeve]
[Robin laughs]
[Will shakes his head and smiles]
FFool
When you want something to disappear, the trick is to divert the audience's attention.
FFool
I just happened to have a spare stuck up my sleeve.
[Will laughs]
Robin Hood · 415 quotes
